[suchaposer]

I feel like I'm totally out of my element. I think if I was still in college and working part-time, I'd find dates easy. I dated pretty consistenly and had ex's until I graudated and started my fulltime job. I'm kinda a loner by choice kind of guy, but a cool fun loner I mean, I'm still a positive happy person and I can handle myself in social situations, so I think most girls don't mind or don't notice.

But the problem is that I just work mon-fri and the way my mind works is that I need to be free during the day to be the kind of person I see myself as. I still look really young and basically am the same person I was my whole life.. into the arts and music and just living this chill laid back life. I'm the epitomy of the day long beach bum.. wake up at 11, eat and chill, sleep, then go out at 8. That's how I work.

But I been working 5 years, and my personality has vanished. My soul has died. I have no energy or nothing. I'm starting to take art classes after work, but even when I meet people, I don't feel that desire to hang out after or on weekends, so it ends up being just "in class" kind of friends.

All I do is come home, everyday, and go online. And now, I don't even try to meet people online. I'm so jaded of that. I just read these forums and I think it's probabaly doing more damage. This is the pattern of my life now.

So, if the common wisdom for someone like me is to 'find some hobbies, meet people, get more active'.. and yet I DO THESE THINGS, what else can I do??? Cause I'll be honest I'm lonely man. And I know I'm not that kind of person who should be lonely.

[Keys]

You sound like you have my philosophy, but not the lifestyle that fits it.

This is going to sound extreme, but get a job you like, one that is rewarding, one that you like the people you interact with.

From your description it doesn't sound like you have many obligations. If you don't, that is a blessing, an opportunity most people don't have, so take advantage of it.

Also, you live in one of the most expensive states in the country, widen your horizons, it is almost guaranteed you will lower your cost of living in the process.

Sometimes a drastic change does wonders for you.

[Dark-N-Romantic]

I feel you on the loner part. However, I have always been a loner. And even when I was working, I never got any play, despite my having hobbies, going out to clubs, and trying to be social. And still I could not even get a woman who would have an interest.

The only suggestion I can make is trying dating social events. As a matter of fact I got a letter for various social events going on around where I live. Also try sites that might cater to your hobbies and/or job. Maybe, finding people who you know share your pleasures in life on specific social sites might work. Or look for social groups based on you hobbies and/or job. For example, I love RPGs like Dungeons & Dragons and Palladium, so I would look for RPG based groups that have a male-female mixed groups or military social events where female servicemembers may be.


DNR

[orangez000]

suchaposer, I can definitely relate to you except I'm a girl. I would also like to know what other advice people have to give. It's really a shame to be stuck in such a rut and not know what to do. The days just keep passing by.

[jellyfarm]

Wow! This is amazing except I'm yet another female going through this and my job is really a tough, challenging one (a reality and info-tainment director and writer) that
1. leaves me no time to socialise
2. even when I do get the time, I'm too tired to go out
3. I feel jaded about making relationships in general because I get bored
4. I've lost my emotions and feel nothing most of the time, except jaded
5. I sometimes work nights and weekends


So tell me about it!

I think it all just boils down to the economics. People are working 24/7, and plugged into our gadgets, electronics and computers that we become more unemotional. We face the compy at work all day, come home and get online or start gaming that it's no surprise that more and more people are feeling this jaded-ness or what I'd like to call disconnection.

People need to switch off more from their TVs, computers, iPods whatever and take time to smell the roses and enjoy the little things in life and possibly the emotions will start returning.

That's what I'm doing these days to help me lessen the disconnectedness I feel as stated above. I stopped listening to my iPod on my way to work that was blocking the sights and sounds of my Life altogether. I watch less TV (even though I'm in the industry). I spend my moments quietly observing a tree, a flower or another human being just to see how they behave or communicate.

It's quite fun after awhile and it lets me know I'm still alive, thank god!

Try it. You might find it makes a difference!

[suchaposer]

Hey Jelly, that's cool, I know what you mean about gettin away from all the technology cause something just ain't right about it. It's kind of ironic.. I'm in the tech biz so I make websites yet I realize that what was so appealing about it at first, was just that. It was the "cool" factor when it was new. What? I can IM my friends and meet people online?!? Whoa.... but that was so 1998 and before. Since like 2000, I just felt so disappointed in it turning out to be a dud, and actually ruining life and the quality of our social/pop world in general, by making things about quantity and not quality..

About our situation tho, I think of an analogy that people growing up are a lot like going off on a boat... Before you hit the seas you gotta make sure you have fuel, your boat is working, you got enough food, etc. Cause once you hit the seas, you can't turn back and get it (Well, assumming this is the year 1800 w/out gps, cellphones, the coast guard etc)

So with people, before you hit the "real world" of working fulltime, being an adult, you gotta stock up on friends, social networks, hobbies, talents, etc. Cause once you hit that certain age, you need to have assets you've already acquired in life. And the thing is.. you can't give them up.

Anyway, I do try some of those things, except I need my iPod!! That's been one of my life saviors.. my iPod Touch.. but def. cutting back on TV.

I just see the world as having lost its soul. I know it's there, you just gotta find it.. but compared to how things used to be and with the population growth, the mass communication with technology.. it's dying out. If you saw the movie "Idiocracy" it's funny as hell and so true!! Our world is gonna be guys drinking Rock Star energy drink watching UFC and chicks on myspace being president.

[jellyfarm]

Originally Posted by suchaposer

Hey Jelly, that's cool, I know what you mean about gettin away from all the technology cause something just ain't right about it. It's kind of ironic.. I'm in the tech biz so I make websites yet I realize that what was so appealing about it at first, was just that. It was the "cool" factor when it was new. What? I can IM my friends and meet people online?!? Whoa.... but that was so 1998 and before. Since like 2000, I just felt so disappointed in it turning out to be a dud, and actually ruining life and the quality of our social/pop world in general, by making things about quantity and not quality..

About our situation tho, I think of an analogy that people growing up are a lot like going off on a boat... Before you hit the seas you gotta make sure you have fuel, your boat is working, you got enough food, etc. Cause once you hit the seas, you can't turn back and get it (Well, assumming this is the year 1800 w/out gps, cellphones, the coast guard etc)

So with people, before you hit the "real world" of working fulltime, being an adult, you gotta stock up on friends, social networks, hobbies, talents, etc. Cause once you hit that certain age, you need to have assets you've already acquired in life. And the thing is.. you can't give them up.

Anyway, I do try some of those things, except I need my iPod!! That's been one of my life saviors.. my iPod Touch.. but def. cutting back on TV.

I just see the world as having lost its soul. I know it's there, you just gotta find it.. but compared to how things used to be and with the population growth, the mass communication with technology.. it's dying out. If you saw the movie "Idiocracy" it's funny as hell and so true!! Our world is gonna be guys drinking Rock Star energy drink watching UFC and chicks on myspace being president.

Yeah, man...the soul is gone. Definitely. Look, I'm only 35 and I'm quite the positive type but I think it's all going downhill for me from now....
I mean tell me, what you look forward to everyday eh?

It's the same old cycle. Technology has kinda taken the human out of human being and you're right...It was all cool back in the 90s - this technology but boy, has it made life more stressful.

You know it's funny in those days when life was simpler, there were less expenses to deal with, the pressure to make money was less and inflation wasn't high so you get more value for your money. Nowadays, money is like water.

We work so hard 24/7 to earn it to feed ourselves, our families that it comes with a huge price. You practically have to sacrifice your personal time, your life basically.

People are falling more and more sick because of this mode of working. Hardly getting off their computer butts to exercise, obesity, loneliness and depression and the irony of chasing this money to enjoy temporal material comforts and its accompanying highs makes us more miserable in the end.

The above is the story of my life. And I have tried online dating. It just doesn't work or maybe I'm just too bored/jaded to even bother. I dunno. I think working and putting enough on the table for me and my parents is tiring and draining. Having someone else come into the picture isn't something I see as beneficial to me in any way since I'm such a free-spirit and don't want to be tied down to a 'oh-god-help-us-all' relationship.

But I'm glad if anyone else wants it. That's cool!

Oh gosh, this is depressing isnt' it? Maybe I should go watch a happy movie now.

CheerZ!

[kdark]

The things you own, end up owning you.

[suchaposer]

Haha Jelly, u crack me up. I'm a year younger than you, so yeah we hit that generation where it switched from the older ways to the new. We're lucky we lived at the last remaining period of a soulful world, and yup back then money was just an accessory not a neccessity.

I don't even remember what this thread was about lol. I got nothing to look forward to either. Just hoping that will change.. maybe I'll watch a happy movie too. guess that's what I look forward to, opening the netflix envelope and seeing what movie I got. Woopdie doo.