[Daranhatu]

Two years ago, I returned to NYC after six years and moved into my best friend of 20 years' apartment building with my then girlfriend and her 11 year old son. At first things were all right, but my friend, who then became my landlord had severe financial troubles and several repairs in the building could not be made.
I tried to ease some of the tension doing some work in the apt myself, but some of the more serious issues I couldn't handle. ( Electrical problems, roof leakage ).

As time moved on, I was looking for work and surviving on odd and end jobs, so my finances were getting weaker. My GF at the time didn't make things easier either by choosing a job that didn't bring in a lot of money.
Things began getting strained between my friend and I, as the lack of repairs began to annoy me, and my lateness with the rent began to do the same to him.

Then another blow came, when my brother got kicked out of his house by his wife and I took him in, as he had nowhere else to go. His presence only made matters worse. I finally got a job, but it was at night and although my money situation got better, both my GF and brother were suddenly out of work. (She got into a car accident and was laid up for a while and his depression forced him to quit his own.)

So again, the strain was squarely on my back. My health began to suffer, the night job was kicking my energy to the curb and the bills began to mount. My GF became a real bitch and began doing things to increase the tension in the place by having a laundry machine installed, which a serious bone of contention with my friend, as he was the only one paying for water. This even after I told her it wasn't a good idea for the machine to be there.

Eventually, relationships began to suffer from every direction, with me in the middle of it all. After a year of this hell, things finally hit rock bottom when my friend issued me an eviction notice. His reaction was cold and instead of giving me the notice himself, he sent his niece to deliver it. Then he finally came to talk to me and our conversation has incredibly agitated with him finally saying "This isn't personal it's just business."

So, as no good deed goes unpunished, my brother up and took off, finding a room for rent. I packed my things and realizing my GF was no damn good, left her to fend for herself, which she managed to find a place of her own.

However, because of all this I've lost a 20 year friendship that was one of the solid bedrock foundations of my life. I can understand him having to ask me to leave as I know the financial strain was killing him, and I did try my best to allieviate as much as I could, but it's the way he did it that continues to bother me.

This was a friendship that had surpassed friendship and we had become like brothers, for 20 years. I felt that I deserved better than how he chose to handle the situation. Because of this, I feel like I've lost a huge part of myself that I can't seem find again.
Since then, two years now, we spoken once or twice and I've tried to be as friendly as I can, but I don't get the same from him. In the past, like with all friendships, we've had differences and I feel as though I have always been the one to fix things. I'm hesitant to do this again, but I do miss my friend, a lot.

Should I put my pride behind me once more, or walk away from this for good?

[norajane]

Yes, put your pride away and try again.

Do you owe him any money? If so, definitely pay him now. If not, offer a sincere apology about all the messed up crap that went down back then. If he's a real friend, he'll give it some thought and realize he doesn't want to lose that either. If not, you really haven't lost anything more than you have already.

[HYS]

Yes, put your pride and tell him exactly what you told us. It wasn't a great situation for either one of you. If he's not willing to put some differences aside from the past then there is nothing else you can do...but at least you know you tried!

[Dark-N-Romantic]

All this craziness in the world in the end has to do with pride. Not the good kind of pride that helps you to strive to do better and help others and to not make you behave like everyone else, but the kind of pride that got Lucifier kicked out of Heaven.

I agree. Not only should you apologize to your friend for any ill actions and pay him any monies you owe. But, also apologize to your brother and your ex (which does not mean you two have to get back together). Yeah, family, friends, and lovers all at one point or another do us wrong, but it takes a person of high honor and honesty to accept his place in it or to be the bigger to forgive. And not just forgive, but forget the incident as well.

I hope everything works out for ALL of you.


DNR

[sancarlos]

I can see that your friendship means a lot to you. In my opinion, you should not end the friendship. Maybe your friend is just strained and everybody has these moments.. Just give it time and be responsible with your obligations..