Well Iv been friends with my now boyfirend for about a year. He has always been there for me and has been one of my best friends. When he asked me out i decided to tell my mom even though she never showed intrest in meeting any of my other boyfriends. As soon as she meet him shes hated him and im not sure why. She made me break up with him (even though i didnt) and now im dateing him behind her back. I know that this isnt the best idea but i really like him. Now she wont even let me talk to him and she goes crasy if im around him at school...shes driving me crasy. I tried to explian that i at lest wanted to hang out with him or talk to him on the phone but shewont let me. NOW she disnt trust me at all and thinks im a complet slut (even though im one of the shyest girls in my year). What should i do?
That's a tough one. Your mom reacted from her initial perception, her gut, instinct, intuition...and also her personal life experience.
She could be totally right or wrong, or she could have some things right and some things wrong.
The difficulty for parents is that the "kids" don't give them credit for sometimes being right. And, even if they do get credit for it, the "kids" don't follow the information and advice that will minimize the risk for whatever the parent is justifiably concerned about.
So, maybe instead of going through that whole thing with you (heated discussions, arguments, you ignoring her good advice and wise counsel, etc.), she just blocked the guy completely.
Could you open a conversation with her, just around what is was about him that caused her to be concerned/scared?
Don't argue with whatever she says, just take it in - have a little notepad in case you need it.
Then post (or ask your guidance counselor or whomever you trust to be able to help you) for advice on some potential next steps you could take.
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"They always say that time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself." ~ Andy Warhol
Well Iv been friends with my now boyfirend for about a year. He has always been there for me and has been one of my best friends. When he asked me out i decided to tell my mom even though she never showed intrest in meeting any of my other boyfriends. As soon as she meet him shes hated him and im not sure why. She made me break up with him (even though i didnt) and now im dateing him behind her back. I know that this isnt the best idea but i really like him. Now she wont even let me talk to him and she goes crasy if im around him at school...shes driving me crasy. I tried to explian that i at lest wanted to hang out with him or talk to him on the phone but shewont let me. NOW she disnt trust me at all and thinks im a complet slut (even though im one of the shyest girls in my year). What should i do?
Is he from a minority group? Some parents are like that, i'm sad to say. I really hate it when parents do that. My mom didn't like my girlfriend before too, because she was chinese. Can you believe that? I got into several heated arguments with my mom about her. Thank God i came out on top after all of it. My mom decided to drop the whole issue cause she saw how happy i was with her. Your happiness, i believe, is what every parent wants for their child. I really hope that things are gonna be a lot better for you twilightangel, hang in there.=)
They way my mother has always explained why she doesn't liek boyfriends... is that she feels they are not good enough for me. That may be the way she is thinking also.
How old are you Twigh? And how old is he? Does he have a reputation that might not be something a parent would want around their daughter? Have you done things in the past you should not have that might make her distrust you (and yes, unfortunately sneaking behinds one parent's back to see a romantic interest does count). Have you been sexually active? Is your mother against this or is she the kind that turns a blind eye? How kids see things and how adult see things are two worlds apart. What adults is suppose to have over children are wisdom, experience, understanding, and most importantly, to think about things know and have them affect short and long term goals. We in this country don't teach children to really do that because of our ideas of at what age a young person is old enought to learn and do things. Or your mom could just be a crabby control freak.
Whatever the case my be. I do not support disobedience if your a minor and/or living under an authority figure's roof and you are not supporting that household with decent living expenses. Except if there is abuse in the house, then, you need to get yourself out of their or help for yourself and that parent. And, while I think a parent should allow their child to date, supervised of course, it is not place to tell you if your mother is wrong or right. Her parenting style is her's. Now if it is wrong or right is if you can blosom into a productive, law bidding, healthy, and well adjusted woman, capable of making it out there on her own. Like I tell my mom a lot, there are a lot of things good and bad that happened in the household, but she should not look at what happened back then, but to look at her children now as adults. Well the only one who actually went to the brig and booted from the military was me (trust me the punishment did not match what happened, but you know what, I still accepted whatever punishment because, if I was wrong I was wrong and let me just do my punishment and move on). But, other than that we are all law biding citizen. Can operate on our own. Are in pretty good health (though my brother needs to learn to take a rest for his mind and body). And we are all productive (or will be productive members of society IF SOMEONE WOULD HIRE ME!).
Twigh. Lets face it, unless your mom is Mother Dearest (which you could try calling her when you get annoyed at her (she might remember the old movie by that title)), you know she loves you and has the best for you in mind and heart. So, don't be too harsh. And, despite what someone else said, DON'T GO BEHIND YOUR MOTHER'S BACK! Then, she will have good reason to hate him. But, now if you bump into in the school and stuff like that, then by all means talk to him. And if you really want to date, try negotiating things with your mother. Like self-proposed curfews. Have him introduce his parent(s) to her and let them talk. If you are going to meet him someplace at a certain time, you make sure you are there and if your camera has a phone, send her pictures. And lastly, be respectful and call her. Yes parents need to learn to let go a little more sometimes and by you showing her that you can be trusted, might work a little more.
DNR
While we would like to think parents are cruel and evil for imposing controls on our lives is bad, in the end, most do it out of love and knowing history. And they don't want you to go through stuff they were too stubborn to listen to their own parents about.
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My mom hates my boyfriend for no reason :(
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