For some reason i have no friends, is this normal....? i mean i have people that i can go out with for a drink people i can go cinema with but i have no one that i can actually look at and say you really are my friend!
Girls hate me (in a silent way) because i always end up getting on with their boyfriend or husband more then them, i have no idea why i just seem to get on with guys a lot better and people older than me.
Also the guy friends i use to have my fiance never liked or they use to like me so they had to go because they were causing a problem between us, so could anyone tell me how to regain trusted friends???
Hi, Mellow.
Friendship, likes the flowers, needs to water with time and love. So, take it easy. And i think that a friend is the one who puts you in her/his heart and has no relation to his ages.
I am now in the same boat, except I am a guy. My "friends" are not really friends, they don't know who I am, and they don't really share anything with me...
The only person who really "gets me" is my mother, but I can't hang out with my mom all the time. (sorry mom)
Its strange that when I try to connect with people that they just don't connect back or put any effort in return. I've always thought that I am just naturally repellant. The weirdest part about it is that the people who have taken the time to get to know me feel I am an amazing person, friendly, trustworthy, kind, interesting, inviting, and comforting (the typical nice guy, I suppose)-- but they disappear despite my efforts to keep in touch.
Most of the guys I know and meet seem to envy what I have, how I'm apparently good at talking and getting to know girls, or what I do for a living.... I look past all these things in myself and them, and I try my best not to share such things-- I am very modest and i never feel like I am better or more well-off than anyone.. and I'd never brag about these things. Yet despite this nobody seems to ever give me a chance.
Maybe I just come off as not needing anyone to be happy, when I meet new people they have a good time and enjoy my company, but are usually too busy or too involved with other things to meet up again or spend time with me... and if they're a guy-- they come off as jealous or envious of me (and sometimes untrusting or overly macho like they are competing.)
I've chalked it up to just part of living where I do and that I don't often meet new people, people are very materialistic here and place a high importance on status, and seem very untrusting or drama seeking.
I've learned over the past two years how to be happy on my own, do things on my own, and spend most of my time alone. Its been one of the hardest things to learn... Now I spend most of my time alone, what keeps me going is working on my own projects or hobbies and i think this is what every loner tends to do.
I go out and meet people every week, but now I've decided that I'm not going to put as much effort into getting to know someone unless they show me some interest first. Sadly that rules out 99% of guys.
But I do wish I had some friends to share good times with who aren't just interested in material things-- and if they're a guy-- aren't so intent on trying to competitively one-up each other by "scoring" the hottest girl or fastest car.
I am now in the same boat, except I am a guy. My "friends" are not really friends, they don't know who I am, and they don't really share anything with me...
The only person who really "gets me" is my mother, but I can't hang out with my mom all the time. (sorry mom)
Its strange that when I try to connect with people that they just don't connect back or put any effort in return. I've always thought that I am just naturally repellant. The weirdest part about it is that the people who have taken the time to get to know me feel I am an amazing person, friendly, trustworthy, kind, interesting, inviting, and comforting (the typical nice guy, I suppose)-- but they disappear despite my efforts to keep in touch.
Most of the guys I know and meet seem to envy what I have, how I'm apparently good at talking and getting to know girls, or what I do for a living.... I look past all these things in myself and them, and I try my best not to share such things-- I am very modest and i never feel like I am better or more well-off than anyone.. and I'd never brag about these things. Yet despite this nobody seems to ever give me a chance.
Maybe I just come off as not needing anyone to be happy, when I meet new people they have a good time and enjoy my company, but are usually too busy or too involved with other things to meet up again or spend time with me... and if they're a guy-- they come off as jealous or envious of me (and sometimes untrusting or overly macho like they are competing.)
I've chalked it up to just part of living where I do and that I don't often meet new people, people are very materialistic here and place a high importance on status, and seem very untrusting or drama seeking.
I've learned over the past two years how to be happy on my own, do things on my own, and spend most of my time alone. Its been one of the hardest things to learn... Now I spend most of my time alone, what keeps me going is working on my own projects or hobbies and i think this is what every loner tends to do.
I go out and meet people every week, but now I've decided that I'm not going to put as much effort into getting to know someone unless they show me some interest first. Sadly that rules out 99% of guys.
But I do wish I had some friends to share good times with who aren't just interested in material things-- and if they're a guy-- aren't so intent on trying to competitively one-up each other by "scoring" the hottest girl or fastest car.
Wow... a LOT of that described how I see most of my 'friendly' relationships... sans the jealousy, don't think there is anyone jealous of me... lol! Also I don't really get along with my mom, and I'm a girl!! haha..
The other thing I haven't really mastered is the doing things alone part. Not sure I want to, I really like being around people that I can chat and joke with!
__________________
It's not the destination that matters, it's the journey!
In order to figure out if it's "you" or not, I'd ask yourself a few questions.
Do you ignore or never bother with the females that you come into contact with because you would rather hang out with the guys? It's possible that you might give off that vibe- that you aren't interested in getting to know them. If you've always gotten along better with, and only had male friends... it could be that you subconsciously gravitate towards men only- which might distress and evoke disdain with other females - especially those whose boyfriends or husbands you might be choosing to socialize with over them.
Personally- I go out of my way to make a good impression on new women that I meet in a social situation, because I know how important it is to make that good impression if I am ever going to be invited back.
It's not a criticism of your socializing style- it's merely a question you can ask yourself if you are wondering why you don't have an intimate friendship with a female.
If a woman came into my circle of friends and didn't make an effort to get to know me- I'd probably be offended by that to a certain extent.
I have also experienced situations where women were mean to me right from the get go when being introduced to them for the first time through a boyfriend. I'll still try and disarm them though if at all possible.
Having said that, I know how difficult it is to be a stranger being introduced to a new group of people- so I will also go out of my way to make a friend's new girlfriend feel welcomed and comfortable.
You can also ask yourself- are you blunt? Do you call things as you see them?
There is a girl who is married to one of my male friends and she is famous for getting drunk and flirting with people's husband's and bf's.... not in a innoculous manner... but in a shamefull, blatently disrespectful manner. She'll go so far as to drape her arms around them or proposition them... Which hasn't gone over all that well. It doesn't sound as if you do that- but you may be getting lumped into a certain catagory because you only talk to the men.
How do you act when you are first introduced into a new circle? Do you head straight for the garage to talk with the guys?
Just a couple questions you can ask yourself if you are wondering if it is you that might be contributing to the lack of female friendships in your life.
I'm making no assumptions here, just asking questions.
For some reason i have no friends, is this normal....? i mean i have people that i can go out with for a drink people i can go cinema with but i have no one that i can actually look at and say you really are my friend!
On this point, I gotta say that it is you. Even if you don't consider them friends, those are at the very least drinking buddies and moviegoing buddies. Maybe you just want to keep your distance from them?
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