[wvhenson]

So I have been dating this guy who lives with his boyfriend that he doesnt want to be with. Me and J have dated over a year now. He is totally over that guy, but shares a house and has all this things there. We met and he and I really are good. Last week his boy or whatever you wanna call it, found out he was still in touch with me and I guess flipped. J calls me and says "this isnt going anywhere....he found out and I need time". I know he is scared. I know he ended us because this guy probably threatened to kick him out of something. That guy is so bad to him. Even beat him before. BUt J loves me. I just hate him ending us after this long. In my heart I dont see us over. I want him out of there and us living together. We talk about it all the time. He did this once before and came back. I know he loves me tho. Im the only one who ever is nice and would do anything for him to help him out. My question is....after many many many attempts that J and his guy have TRIED to make of it it always fails. Ends in bad things happening. I just dont see it working again for him and the guy he lives with. I just wonder if I should drop him a line and say hi and that I still believe in him and just want him to know Im here if he ever needs me. I really do love J.

[blind_otter]

Well if he doesn't want to be with his BF, why the hell is he living with him???

It's really like any OW situation - if he wants to be with you, he will leave his relationship and be with you.

And by making yourself continually available to him without demanding that he leave his current situation, you are simply making it easier for him to stay in his unhappy situation by giving him what he wants/needs outside his relationship. You are his crutch.

Don't email him. If he really wants to be with you, he WILL take the steps to end his current relationship.