[HidingMe]

I really don't know what to do. My husband and I are going through divorce after 10 years of marriage... he is trying to keep the house because I cannot afford it. I recently moved out and now live 4 miles across town. Oldest son lives with him and youngest bounces back and forth between houses. We are going through mediation to try to figure this all out but it's usually ugly when we get into discussions about money.

My oldest boy is 18 (stbx adopted him when he was 8). Within the last 6 months he has gotten 2 speeding tickets (dangerously fast) and about 2 weeks ago he wrecked his car after leaving a party. He got a DUI, but... somehow walked away from that accident with barely a scratch on him. God, thinking about it makes me realize how fragile life is and how quickly it can be taken...

So understandably he is in a funk. He had to drop out of school because it was in another town and too difficult to get to daily. He isn't working enough hours at his current job so he is applying elsewhere... he basically has no money and when he does get paychecks he will have to give them over to dad to start saving for all the fines that will soon be dumped on him. He is trapped in the house most the time and bored out of his mind. Because I am not there anymore I feel so out of touch and don't really know what to do. My stbx said last night that he is worried about him being suicidal, but sometimes he just says dramatic things for effect but they may not necessarily be 100% truthful or accurate so I don't really know whether this is something I need to be concerned about or not.

I don't know what to do. I guess at this point in his life he needs some activities outside the house... 40 hr per week job would be good for one. That would make him feel better about himself, and he'd be bringing in better money. When college starts back up in fall he can register at the local community college... it's about a mile from where he lives. I know this is his plan but the fall semester is months away... so until then, I don't know.

He made his bed... he should lay in it I suppose. These are the consequences of him making bad decisions. I feel responsible to a degree because we should have taken the car from him after the tickets... I know this. We knew something was going to happen but we didn't nut up and just take it. But here we are, he made his choices and now has to live with the results, but I can't let him fall into a depression that he can't pull out of and quite frankly I don't know what to do. I don't have direct access to him because he lives there... I feel really out of touch and I need to get more involved in his life. I know he needs me... I need him. I just don't know how to accomplish all this. I don't know if his actions are a direct result of the stress he is going through because of our divorce.. the thought makes me feel terrible... I know the kids are the most most affected by it.

I would so appreciate any words of wisdom you may have to offer, or any ideas or experience dealing with depression or broken families.