[SoComplicated]

...advice

So, I have been here reading this site for MONTHS. And, I have finally come to the conclusion I need some feedback from all of you people here.

My story has a twist to it that I have not read about on this forum. My MM lives in.... well, overseas. And has the entire duration of our A. We have been together when the opportunity presents itself. We have maintained our relationship in between visits via e mail, IM/cams, phone and snail mail.

I am currently M, however the papers for the divorce are signed and awaiting filing which will occur within the month. My H and I are still living together. He is inbetween jobs and I will not boot him to the curb until he is a little more stable -- he is currently looking for employment. He has until the summer to find work. That is his deadline.

My MM has stated that the dissolution of his marriage is inevitable. However, he is not able to narrow a timeline as to when it will happen. He says he loves me and wants to be with me. So, my Q to you all is, what is a good deadline.

If this was the beginning of the A and he was in the same town as me, I would have given him 3 months. However, given the situation... I am at a loss.

He is currently on a flight back to the states. He will not have a job when he arrives. I totally understand that he will need time to get himself situated, find a job and figure out custody issues with his W. When I have asked him in the past he has stated that he doesn't know when his son will be ready for him to leave. He is gun shy as his first wife left him for another man and the custody ordeal was a nightmare for him. He and his current W have a child together.

He feels that, as a man, he will never win custody and he is terrified of how his son will be raised should he leave. His wife is not the best when it comes to parenting. I understand all of these issues. However, for my own personal sanity I need to have a deadline for his dissolution or the inititation of my NC.

We have been together... wow... this month makes 2 years. I love this man almost as much as I love my child. The simple fact that I have not seen him for many many many months, but I only love him more than I did yesterday speaks volumes to me about this whole situation.

I should point out, though, the only reason I have allowed it to go on this long is because of where they were stationed. Had he been closer to home I would have set a deadline for considerably sooner than 2 years. Now that he is on the way home I need to start thinking about this.

So, what do you all think is a reasonable time giving his this situation with his JUST moving back to the states?

Thank you all in advance for any advice you can offer.