Finally, after months of teasing and asking him and comforting him to tell me his past experiences such as being with gays, he blurted it out one night. He was in the army for 3 years and revealed that this guy gave him a bj. I asked him why he allowed it and he said its been months without girls in the army so he had no choice. He said he only done it once and didn't want to ever do it again. So i just nodded and kept my silence and few days after, i asked him again if how many times he had same sex experiences. I just know how to relax him when Im asking this sensitive topics coz most of the time he got really defensive and got mad easily. Then, again he said he did it once with a she-male, who gave him another bj but saying that he didnt do anything more whatsoever. He was out in the army by then. Now, after months of having this relationship with him, i still feel too confused of his orientation. And I noticed that he constantly lie to me and I cant seem to trust him anymore. Most of his male friends I met were really gay or somewhat gay. But he doesn't wanna talk about this gay topics anymore and i respect it. But everytime i think about it, i get paranoid and would think worst like, he might have done this several or many times coz before, he always told me he is so weird and been very bad and done the worst thing in his life. When i asked him how worst, he would just laughed and dropped it. WHat do you think this time?
Last edited by PinkICE; 3rd March 2008 at 3:13 PM.
Maybe he gets the impression that you will no longer like him if he has done something gross/immoral. Why would he want to tell you about it, if this is the case? If you want to know, create a condition where he wants to tell you. The easiest way to do this would be to get sexually aroused by his story. If that is not possible or if it really does gross you out, then just stress the fact that you won't get angry, and give him time to get comfortable with telling.
But if what you might hear, might cause you to stop liking him, then allow him to just put his past behind him. He doesn't sound like he is too interested in continuing doing anymore homosexual acts.
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A daughter of hope and fear, religion explains to Ignorance the nature of the unknowable. -Ambrose Bierce
Does doing homosexual experiences in the past make a person a straight bisexual or more to the gay side for male? And if he had done it in the past, what's the probability of him doing it in the future again? Is it normal for a straight guy to have these experiences? He couldn't leave the house without putting on foundation,& blush on. I already tricked him by saying Im so open to it and even sometimes get interested in girls, just so he would open up and wont feel any threatened. Instead, I get a response of "Don't think too much about getting attracted to same gender because it's so wrong."
Does doing homosexual experiences in the past make a person a straight bisexual or more to the gay side for male? And if he had done it in the past, what's the probability of him doing it in the future again?
It makes them neither. Sometimes people just experience for the sake of the experience, or they use homosexuality in times of sexual frustration. Like in jail or in the military. The probability of him doing it again is likely however. Since he has already indulged in this behavior, it would likely be easier for him to do it again.
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it normal for a straight guy to have these experiences?
100% normal
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Im so open to it and even sometimes get interested in girls, just so he would open up and wont feel any threatened. Instead, I get a response of "Don't think too much about getting attracted to same gender because it's so wrong."
So he was trying to convince you that homosexuality is wrong? Yet he has gay friends, and basically knows it's not wrong. Sounds like he is having a hard time understanding his own sexual orientations. Maybe denying a stronger homosexual tendency then he is willing to admit to. Still doesn't make him totally gay. Rather than looking at things in black and white, gay or straight, it is best to look at his heterosexual tendencies and homosexual tendencies seperately. How attracted to women is he? How attracted to men? Again, seems like he is denying some degree of homosexuality because he feels embarrassed, dirty, whatever.
It makes them neither. The probability of him doing it again is likely however. Since he has already indulged in this behavior, it would likely be easier for him to do it again.
That is so scary!
100% normal I am so relieved!
So he was trying to convince you that homosexuality is wrong? Yet he has gay friends, and basically knows it's not wrong. Sounds like he is having a hard time understanding his own sexual orientations. Maybe denying a stronger homosexual tendency then he is willing to admit to. Still doesn't make him totally gay. Rather than looking at things in black and white, gay or straight, it is best to look at his heterosexual tendencies and homosexual tendencies seperately. How attracted to women is he? How attracted to men? Again, seems like he is denying some degree of homosexuality because he feels embarrassed, dirty, whatever.
Gosh ya! Very disturbing indeed! And very true too coz everytime i brought up this topic, he seemed so embarassed about it & his entire mood and facial expression changed! He comes froma very religious family who strongly believes that homosexuality is a great sin! The other day we had the worst fight & I accused him of using me to make him straighter and he was teary-eyed saying how harsh I am & that he couldn't accept why I have such ideas like that! By the way, he sometimes go to salon to reshape his eyebrows!
Do gays who are still in denial totally give it all the way in bed just like a normal straight guys would do? Because in bed, he seems the most obsessed guy and wanna do it all the time!
OK so he uses make up and gets his eyebrows done, right? I think we are going into slightly more interesting territory than simply bisexual/gay. And the fact that he was blown by a she-male also makes me think that he is a little curious about taking a walk on the girly side, as the girl.
I could be wrong but some guys are flexible/curious about gender roles. Maybe he's not so much gay as exploring his feminine side. How would you feel about that?
The other day we had the worst fight & I accused him of using me to make him straighter and he was teary-eyed saying how harsh I am & that he couldn't accept why I have such ideas like that!
That was probably not the best way to handle this situation. As I have said before, don't think that his homosexual tendencies will be subtracting from his heterosexual ones. It is not likely that he is using you to be straighter. He probably knows how straight he is, just confused as to how gay he is.
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Do gays who are still in denial totally give it all the way in bed just like a normal straight guys would do? Because in bed, he seems the most obsessed guy and wanna do it all the time!
Evidence that he has a strong heterosexual inclination. I know this sounds weird, but I think he is straight and gay. If you like to call that bi, then go for it. Specifically it means that he has heterosexual inclinations and homosexual inclination, albei-them repressed.
This is a dangerous situation for him. He may eventually grow to be a closeted homosexual, heterosexual. Might enter into a monogamous relationship with a woman, and then visit male prostitutes in effort to express that side of his sexuality. Ted Haggard comes to mind. He needs to have a complete reeducation when it comes to sexuality. Needs to understand that homosexuality is not a sin. That he can be straight and gay to different degrees. And he needs to decide if his sexuality can be fulfilled in monogamous relationships before he commits to one.
Shadow, thanks a lot for all these infos. I was holding my breath while reading your response expecting for the worst. It made me shiver. Right now, I'm totally blank. Truth is, I really think that all his naughtiness to me is just a way of covering up what he is feeling inside. Maybe thinking that the more he gets intimate with me, the better he proves to himself that he is really straight.
But then, I usually travel due to the nature of my job. So most of the time, we're away from each other for months! We communicate everyday by phone and every night online and most of the time he wants to be intimate with me online (on cam). He always wanna see my body and ask me to do something. I just act most of the time. He finished quickly when he sees my facial reaction while doing the act, saying its so sexy and hot.
Ok. It's a bit confusing when you said that he could be a straight and gay at the same time which is disturbing me so much. Is there any sexual orientation test online? What its called?
No there is no test that you could determine his sexual orientation. Only my silly ranking system inspired by Magnus Hirshfeld. And he would have to be the one to rank himself.
Ok, forget straight and gay. Forget bi for a second. Think of it in terms of heterosexuality and homosexuality. How heterosexual is he, 1 to 10? How homosexual is he, 1 to 10?
He could be an 8th degree heterosexual, meaning that he is very sexually aroused by women. And he could be a 6th degree homosexual, meaning he is definitely aroused by men, but not like his attraction to women. Only he could judge the degree of his personal orientations. This is actually how I rate myself. I would call myself bi because that is an easy label to use, but I am much more attracted to women then I am to men.
I can't thank you enough for answering Shadow but I have one more question.
I remembered last January we were watching the movie Brokeback mountain. Few days after that, he told me that Jake Gyllenhaal ("Jack Twist" in the movie) reminded him of a friend he met before. One night, his ex and him went out to meet their friends and that was how he met the guy. He said he got intrigued by the guy and he just loved looking at him. He found himself going out with the guy regularly and found out that the guy was really gay but he was just so fond of the guy. His ex noticed it coz he spent more time with him than her. So they had a nasty break up but eventually got back together coz the gay contacted the ex, explaining that they were just friends and didn't do anything. Nevertheless, is it normal for a straight guy to have strong attraction to same sex? I asked few of my male friends if they ever experience such thing and none of them said they have. What do you think?
Last edited by PinkICE; 7th March 2008 at 11:44 AM.
I do think it is fairly common. As I have said, I am partly homosexual. Really just an attraction to penis, rather than men. But I have met a man that I am quite smitten with. Only one so far in my 30 years. It's not love or anything crazy like that, but a sexual attraction to the total package.
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