I have been reading everyone's posts since I joined here, and we all seem to have a recurrent theme, so I feel kinda silly posting this, but even though I know in my brain I can't seem to get my heart to shut up and listen. I want so badly to contact this guy. We didn't "break up" he simply disappeared. Twice. It is the worst possible feeling. And to make matters worse, I honestly believe that he has real feelings for me but is so emotionally crippled that for whatever reason, he can't go forward. And then I start thinking that if we could only discuss this, because the one night we were together we really didn't talk about it, that we could figure this out and make a go of things. I feel so silly for even thinking that, but it's like this feeling gnawing away at me. I read about guys' point of view...he has even told me that every day he lives with the void this has left in his life. But HE created this void...why would he do that??? I guess I'm doing this so I don't write to him. I am wondering if I should contact him Wednesday night before my surgery, thinking about the post from the guy whose friend's gf passed away. I am not worried about dying during surgery, but heck, s urgery is a risk, and I want this guy to know how I feel. Except he knows, cuz I have told him.
I feel powerless, but not, since even though I want to contact him so badly, I continue to hold off. I think that's what he is doing too. Being stubborn, stubborn pride...everyone is hurting. It sucks. I hate it.
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