[lovesparis]

i've recently started going through a lot of personal growth and changes; something i had missed out on doing for the last 3 years.

now i'm experiencing cognitive dissonance in a lot of aspects of my life:

1. my bf broke up with me due to a friend in my life that he considered unhealthy. i now believe this friend is unhealthy but am having a very difficult time ending my friendship with him. why am i having such a hard time doing something i know to be right.

2. i love my ex with all my heart and i want to do anything i can to get him back. why, after years of rolling my eyes at people who tripped out over a breakup, am i now tripping out myself. why do i want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me, after years of telling other people "why do you want to be with someone who clearly doesn't want to be with you"

3. i have a fear of touching dead people. i couldn't check my grandfather or father for a pulse. i sat next to my grandmother as she died, but couldn't touch her to offer any comfort. it's now time to put my cat to sleep. she's 15 years old. she barely eats. her balance is off. it's time to let her go. i'm struggling with the fact that i want to hold her and offer her comfort when they put her down. how can i justify doing that to the cat, if i can't do it to a human? the only thing i have come up with is that if i had a child, that i knew was dying, i would hold my child. as it's caretaker, it's my responsiblity to comfort the child. as my cats caretaker, i am also responsible for the comfort of it. and FLIP back... i was also my grandmother's caretaker. so why couldn't i comfort her?


does anyone have any ideas on how to manage CD? or ways that i can find a solution for the 3 situations listed above? thanks in advance