That men are naturally better able to separate sex and love, at least better than women.
That this is possibly because men are the invaders and women the invaded (physically that is).
That women are more likely to require intense feelings of love and trust because they have to accept a man inside of them.
I have to say that when I origionally thought about this, I believed it.
But I am now having second thoughts.
While I accept the idea that women are more likely to require love and trust before sex, I don't think it has anything to do with physical structures of genitals. I hypothesis that it's a learned cultural behavior. A cultural gender role. I can imagine the roles reversed.
What if women were the more aggressive. And men were taught that women just want them for their penis. Would we then be saying something different?
Would we be saying that men require love and trust because their penises are being consumed by vaginas?
I think men and women have the same sex drives, and men are better able to seperate love and sex. Not because of anything physical, but because men are NOT taught to connect them. I mean we are told to connect love and sex, but we are not coersed like women are.
Women are taught to be over-protective of their vaginas in a sense. I am not a woman so I don't know how it happens, but I would assume that at some point around puberty, women are made aware that men are going to want them sexually and they should not give it up. Men definately do not get this impression about sex.
It's my opinion that our culture allows men to be men and in some way prevents women from being women. I've been hearing these stories about women not knowing anything about their own vaginas as late as into their twenties. I have to say, I feel sorry for you girls. I couldn't imagine.
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A daughter of hope and fear, religion explains to Ignorance the nature of the unknowable. -Ambrose Bierce
I agree with a lot of what you're saying SHADOW. I also believe that most women are under the belief that sex and love HAVE to be connected, otherwise they are being taken advantage of if they have sex with a man they don't love.
But here's the irony: women will have sex with a man for many other reasons and not feel that way. Prostitutes, drunk girls at a bar, drugs, etc.
I've heard women say that they won't have sex with a man if they don't love him. They know the two aren't really connected, and they know that men know this. But they CHOOSE to believe that sex and love HAVE to be connected. It's like a self-induced insanity they do brought on by loneliness or a need for intimacy.
Men rape and kill to satisfy their sexual instincts... they just can't control themselves...
Why is it that there are more men cheating than women... still...
This is bologna. Men rape and kill to further their sicko needs to dominate and control those who are weaker than them. It has nothing to do with sexual impulses or desires.
And just as many women as men cheat. Women cheat looking for love, just as the theory goes...
__________________
...and I feel like I'm naked in front of a crowd,
'cause these words are my diary screaming out loud,
and I know that you'll use them however you want to...
Men rape and kill to satisfy their sexual instincts... they just can't control themselves...
What? Rape is a crime of violence, not of sex. And murder doesn't always stem from a man lacking self-control. Good God.
To the main topic, I don't think it's cultural behavior, it's innate biological hard-wiring. Men are wired to seed as many as possible, women are wired to nurture and pair bond. Women also release a "bonding" hormone after sex, that men do not. We come at love and sex from such totally different viewpoints, it's a wonder any hetero relationship survives - lol.
__________________ "...you couldn't be me if you wanted to, everything I've been through, you wouldn't know..."
I suspect pregnancy has something to do with it...
Edit - I should qualify this. The pill has liberated women to a more aggressive sexual freedom. Since its only been around since the sixties, I'm guessing that it will take a little longer than a few decades, before women can work around their biological natures...
Last edited by Trialbyfire; 24th December 2007 at 12:31 PM.
To the main topic, I don't think it's cultural behavior, it's innate biological hard-wiring.
I used to believe this. And to an extent, I think there is much truth to it, but I have always had the idea in the back of my mind that the difference between the genders is insignificant biologically. Cultures tell us how we should act. Girls should wear pink and boys should wear blue. Girls should concider their "sex" as sacred; boys will be boys. Our vocabulary even reflects the distinctions that our culture forces upon us. Words like 'slut' are meant to train girls to merge love and sex. As far as science has been able to tell, there are very, very few differences between genders. All it takes to make a man is a little bit more testosterone at a particular moment in development.
Quote:
Men are wired to seed as many as possible, women are wired to nurture and pair bond. Women also release a "bonding" hormone after sex, that men do not.
Men ARE wired to be visually stimulated by a variety of women, hence making them more likely to spread their seed further, I agree completely. It's actually a fact. But men also release oxytocin, the bonding hormone. Men have just as much of a biological need to bond as women do. That is what I am saying. Really the only difference between men and women are the sex hormones. Testosterone and estrogen/progesterone. Everything else that we think is a biological difference is minute (general personality differences like serotonin levels, etc; everyone is of course a unique expression of a possible human). I think that most of what we think is a biological difference is actually cultural learned gender roles.
I don't know what girls are told growing up as far as how to behave sexually, but I know that men are taught, yes taught, that the vagina is a prize that should be caught, scored, nailed, etc. We are taught this by our fathers, brothers, and friends. We grow up understanding that girls have to be coersed into sex.
Quote:
And just as many women as men cheat. Women cheat looking for love, just as the theory goes...
I agree that just as many women cheat, but I reject the notion that they only cheat for love. Firstly cheating is defined by the people in the relationship. Secondly, women, especially young women, will totally cheat for just sex.
I firmly believe that love and sex are too completely different things. You can get sex from someone you love, or grow to love someone that you get sex from, but that is as close as they can get. The two are not mutually inclusive, unless you are taught to believe that they are.
True, sex and love don't necessarily need to be connected but doesn't it just make logical sense that you wouldn't want to engage in such an intimate act with someone unless you loved them? How is it crazy that a lot of women feel this way? For me, that's just how I feel. Even going a little bit too far after hardly knowing someone (which doesn't mean sex) just naturally feels wrong to me.....not because of anything I was taught, but because I don't want someone I hardly know to be that close to me. It's about trusting your instincts and doing what feels right and for me love followed by sex is what feels right.
Men can seperate the emotions from the act of sex. It doesnt blur our emotions as deeply as a woman. Women rely on their feelings too damn much , a man uses logic most of the time.
When I have sex with a female I tell her upfront, this is just sex, dont go calling me your boyfriend. Dont say your i love with me. When I'm digging her back out I aint thinking about marrying her. I'm just thinking about how soft she feels inside at the moment.
Sex can mean just that to me, an animalistic act between two people who merely attempt to just have theyre physical needs met for the night.
Nothing more, nothing less.
It's not cold blooded. Alot of women are probably pissed at me right now. lol.
But listen I have fallen in love, have loved, did love. I know what it was and did it. I have had love and sex at the same time and it was a good exxperience. I've also had lust and sex, and indifference, hate and sex at the same time.
All three times were different.
I believe woman could do the same but they dont tell who they sleep with often for fear that they'll be looked at crazily by their friends.
Ugh you slept with him? lol. I could see it now.
Guy friends get it as well people.
Ewww CB you slept with that Fat bitch!?? You is nasty! lol.
We never hear the end of it.
__________________
This gun means you are the weak and I am the tyranny of evil men, but I'm trying, I'm trying real hard to be the sheppard...
Chrome Barracuda,
That's disgusting. You are exactly the type of guy I am trying to avoid...a user. Gross
LMAO!?!?!?
Why am I a user. I am keeping it real, If I tell a woman that it's just about sex. I aint gonna lie it's just a sexual thing!
C'mon women do the same exact thing too!!!
Why am I the disgusting one.
I am in that point in my life that serious relationships with emotional entanglements isnt gonna help.
If I am not the man you would want to be with then fine it's cool, I aint putting a gun to your head about it. But I aint under no illusions and no promises about anything.
I am an adult and so is she, she's making adult decisions and so is she.
My problem is that I honestly doubt that you tell every woman that you're interested in sleeping with that all you want from her is the sex. I don't really think you'd get many women if you DID tell them that.
My problem is that I honestly doubt that you tell every woman that you're interested in sleeping with that all you want from her is the sex. I don't really think you'd get many women if you DID tell them that.
Oh trust me, they know full and well what time it is. I do not lie to a woman. The choice is hers if she wants to sleep with me. It has always been and always will be.
I tell them the truth.
They sleep with me anyways.
Women now more than ever are drawn to me I dont know why???
I can be romantic. I can have compassion and love and respect definitely.
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