Hey! I'm Lorraine. This is my first post on the loveshack forums.
For about 4 months now I have been having sexual and romantic feelings about women. I believe there's a chance I could be bisexual. Which, ya know, I really have no problem with if I am.
The only "snag" in this is that I currently have a boyfriend who I love very much. Since I have only had these feelings for a few months, I have not had the opportunity to explore them. Even though I have talked about this with my bf, and I told me he would be fine with me having sex with a woman while with him, I would still feel like I was cheating.
Therefore, I'm not really sure what I do here. I don't know how I can find out if I really am bisexual without experimenting with it. But, at the same time I am very in love with my boyfriend and do not want to do anything that would sabotage what we have together.
Does anyone have any insight into what I can do?
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Lorraine Gore Wood
Independent Passion Consultant
"Making the world a better place one orgasm at a time"
Is there a woman that you are interested in? Is that why you think you're bisexual?
Or are you having sexual fantasies about women and that's making you think you might be bisexual?
Fantasies of other women are pretty normal for heterosexual women to have. I think most women go through a phase where they have those kinds of fantasies. I did back in college, and had an opportunity to experiment, and well, I realized my fantasies about women were a lot more exciting than the actual act. Actually, that kinda killed the mystique of my fantasies, too, and I never have really had any erotic thoughts of women anymore.
Either way, being bisexual doesn't mean being promiscuous. If you love your bf and are happy being with him, then why would you consider having sex with someone else, man or woman? Why do you think your interest in other women needs to be explored NOW when you are already seeing someone and presumably enjoying him? You already know you are interested in men but don't feel a need to have sex with other men now, do you?
Is there a woman that you are interested in? Is that why you think you're bisexual?
Or are you having sexual fantasies about women and that's making you think you might be bisexual?
Fantasies of other women are pretty normal for heterosexual women to have. I think most women go through a phase where they have those kinds of fantasies. I did back in college, and had an opportunity to experiment, and well, I realized my fantasies about women were a lot more exciting than the actual act. Actually, that kinda killed the mystique of my fantasies, too, and I never have really had any erotic thoughts of women anymore.
Either way, being bisexual doesn't mean being promiscuous. If you love your bf and are happy being with him, then why would you consider having sex with someone else, man or woman? Why do you think your interest in other women needs to be explored NOW when you are already seeing someone and presumably enjoying him? You already know you are interested in men but don't feel a need to have sex with other men now, do you?
Currently, no, I do not have any particular person in mind. To me, these fantasies are different than heterosexual fantasies in that they are not purely sexual. I mean, before this there were women who I thought were so hot that as straight as I am/was, "I would so do them!" Now, sometimes my fantasies are about just being in a relationship with women, cuddling with them, having a family with them, dating them, etc.
I am promiscuous when I am single, but have never felt the desire to cheat on a partner, even with one's who treated me absolutely horribly, unlike my current partner. I don't feel as if I'm really considering sex with someone else, since I don't have anyone in mind to have sex with, or have a relationship with. I am just trying to find out if there is a way I can explore being bisexual, or what other's have done in my situation. I have no qualms about being promiscuous when I am not in a relationship.
I don't particularly feel that I need to run out right now and jump a women. However, I do feel that this is something that should be explored in some fashion, because what if I really am bisexual? What if this is not a phase? How would I know without exploring it? These are the questions that I am trying to answer.
The relationship I am in now is one I feel will last, so it may not matter if I'm bisexual or not theoretically. But, I like knowing who I am, and if being bisexual could be a part of who I am.....I would like to know for sure if at all possible.
I do see what you were going with your post, and what you were saying. I will think about this more and I appreciate your response! Thanks!
Well ask him for a threesome. Who knows he might actually agree to a menage' lol.
If he agrees to do it , set some ground rules. no personal information exchanged and no email or phone contact discussing personal matters. If you guys are gonna have a htreesome it is better if you never saw the third person again.
Well ask him for a threesome. Who knows he might actually agree to a menage' lol.
If he agrees to do it , set some ground rules. no personal information exchanged and no email or phone contact discussing personal matters. If you guys are gonna have a htreesome it is better if you never saw the third person again.
How nice I live in a day and age where total strangers advise total strangers to have sex with total strangers
Hey! I'm Lorraine. This is my first post on the loveshack forums.
For about 4 months now I have been having sexual and romantic feelings about women. I believe there's a chance I could be bisexual. Which, ya know, I really have no problem with if I am.
The only "snag" in this is that I currently have a boyfriend who I love very much. Since I have only had these feelings for a few months, I have not had the opportunity to explore them. Even though I have talked about this with my bf, and I told me he would be fine with me having sex with a woman while with him, I would still feel like I was cheating.
Therefore, I'm not really sure what I do here. I don't know how I can find out if I really am bisexual without experimenting with it. But, at the same time I am very in love with my boyfriend and do not want to do anything that would sabotage what we have together.
Does anyone have any insight into what I can do?
From me being bisexual i felt like you did one time...I was at a younger age of 16..But then you really dont know what you are entill you get older....Just because you have sexual feelings of being with the same sex dosent make you bisexual...Its absolutly possible that you are bi curious and want to venture off and experement with your sexuality more. I know your in a relationship with your boyfriend...I wouldnt just go up to him and be like "i want a threesome" not all bisexual relationships are about threesomes, I had a boyfriend for awhile and i was totally comitted to him and not the other women. Threesomes to me can be very intrusive, and can make or break a relationship, however most of them are short lived, for me i stay away from them and focus on being with one person at a time. If you deside to venture off and explore your sexuality, make sure its okay with your partner because if not and it could damage a good relationship.
I understand your need to define yourself 4lovenmoney, because that is the way we humans learn to understand the world. And to understand yourself, you may need that label, bisexual.
But bisexuality isn't an on or off kind of thing. No sexual orientation is.
Magnus Hirshfeld, late 1800s German sexologist, described sexual orientations on a scale of one to ten.
I myself an a heterosexual (9)
Homosexual (6)
What this means is that I am bisexual that leans towards women. I do concider myself bisexual because I have more than a taboo interest in men, 6 because it's prefered that I do have sex with men.
You would have to rate yourself and only you could do that. Over time you will almost certainly see your interest change. When I was still in school, I had very little interest in men compared to where I am now. I was maybe homosexual (4), more than taboo interest, less than prefered. I still concidered myself bisexual.
From what you have described, maybe your interest is a 2 or a 3. I would say taboo interest. That may not be enough to call yourself bisexual, but you may find your interest growing stronger over time. maybe not.
__________________
A daughter of hope and fear, religion explains to Ignorance the nature of the unknowable. -Ambrose Bierce
Hey she asked about the situation and I'm giving her my advice. lol.
She's conflicted about it and the best way to handle things is to face things head on.
Thank you for the advice. My boyfriend and I have talked about me possibly being bisexual, and like I said, he said that he wouldn't have a problem with it. But last night, he evolved that answer to "because I want you to be happy and I don't want you to say that I stopped you for doing what you want." So basically.....he is only agreeing to it to please me, not that he necessarily is really ok with me being with a woman.
But anyway, a threesome is something I thought about, but I let it go because if I were to have sex with a woman, it would be my "first time" as it were, and I wouldn't want anyone else around for that.
But I agree with you that the best way to handle things like this is to just make a move and go head on with it.
From me being bisexual i felt like you did one time...I was at a younger age of 16..But then you really dont know what you are entill you get older....Just because you have sexual feelings of being with the same sex dosent make you bisexual...Its absolutly possible that you are bi curious and want to venture off and experement with your sexuality more. I know your in a relationship with your boyfriend...I wouldnt just go up to him and be like "i want a threesome" not all bisexual relationships are about threesomes, I had a boyfriend for awhile and i was totally comitted to him and not the other women. Threesomes to me can be very intrusive, and can make or break a relationship, however most of them are short lived, for me i stay away from them and focus on being with one person at a time. If you deside to venture off and explore your sexuality, make sure its okay with your partner because if not and it could damage a good relationship.
As I said in an above post, my feelings about women are more than sexual. My fantasies also include cuddling with women, dating them, having families/relationships with them, etc.
I would really not want to have a threesome as my first time with a woman. I'm definitely not just gonna go to him say I want to jump a chick. We've been having little discussions about it off and on over the months.
I don't know where it's gonna lead yet, but I guess we'll see with time. Thanks for replying!
Thank you for the advice. My boyfriend and I have talked about me possibly being bisexual, and like I said, he said that he wouldn't have a problem with it. But last night, he evolved that answer to "because I want you to be happy and I don't want you to say that I stopped you for doing what you want." So basically.....he is only agreeing to it to please me, not that he necessarily is really ok with me being with a woman.
But anyway, a threesome is something I thought about, but I let it go because if I were to have sex with a woman, it would be my "first time" as it were, and I wouldn't want anyone else around for that.
But I agree with you that the best way to handle things like this is to just make a move and go head on with it.
Thanks for the advice!
See but here's the thing I dont get why does he have to not be there?
I mean your in a commited relationship with him and yet, you know that if he allows this to transpire he should be allowed to interact with what happens. Why should he allow his supposedly commited GF to be alone with someone else?
I mean if your man said: Hey shorty there's a chick I met and I'm really attracted to her, and all things considered if you want to be with someone else outside our relationship, a woman it's cool but I want to be with someone else for one night?
Would you allow that???
Also you say that you fantasize about having families with women???
Um you do know that two women cant conceive together right? Unless through adoption, invitro, or a nameless sperm donor
Why are you so obsessed with women, Maybe your just gay and been hiding it from yourself?
Last edited by Chrome Barracuda; 28th November 2007 at 3:40 PM.
Reason: Needed to add stuff.
See but here's the thing I dont get why does he have to not be there?
I mean your in a commited relationship with him and yet, you know that if he allows this to transpire he should be allowed to interact with what happens. Why should he allow his supposedly commited GF to be alone with someone else?
I mean if your man said: Hey shorty there's a chick I met and I'm really attracted to her, and all things considered if you want to be with someone else outside our relationship, a woman it's cool but I want to be with someone else for one night?
Would you allow that???
Also you say that you fantasize about having families with women???
Um you do know that two women cant conceive together right? Unless through adoption, invitro, or a nameless sperm donor
Why are you so obsessed with women, Maybe your just gay and been hiding it from yourself?
I'm would not feel comfortable with my boyfriend being there. It's not anything to do with him, I just feel it's a private thing. I can't explain exactly why (just makes me feel icky when I think of it), I just wouldn't feel ok with having anyone there. It might be, because like I said, I think I would feel that having sex with anyone else while being in a relationship (regardless of the circumstances) is cheating. Who wants their partner in the room when they cheat on them? I guess that's how it would feel....even if he was completely ok with it, I would feel guilty when perhaps I didn't need to, if he were in the room.....or in a threesome. I have never told him he should allow his COMMITTED girlfriend to be alone with someone else. Where are you getting this? He actually told me that I could have sex with another woman if I wanted too. But, as I said in another reply, I don't think he's as ok with it as he thinks he is.
As for him being with another woman? No, I would not be ok with that. He would be outta there the nanosecond I found out. And again, I never said that I wanted to cheat on him, in fact.....what I am trying to find out how I can know I'm bisexual without having sex with someone. I have had bisexual friends in relationships who have worked it out where they have threesomes, open relationships, and I know of a person who is in a polyamorus (sp?!) relationship with both men and women. So, I'm just asking for other people's resources.....maybe what they have done, what they would recommend.
I completely understand your thought that a threesome might be the best thing, and right now I'm just not comfortable with it. But as I have said, I'm not looking a walk outside and start eating p****! So, maybe in time I will become more comfortable with the idea. I will have to think about it.
Um, you do know the families include adopted children, children from donors and test tube babies, right?! I think that was condescending and that is not the appropriate way to talk to another human being who has not been rude to you.
Please show me where I said I was obsessed with women. I do not believe I have. I am not obsessed with women, nor men. That's very unhealthy. I am however, obsessed with knowing who I am.
I do not feel that I am gay. Of course, it's possible, and I'm open to that. But, I love men. Their muscles, their cologne, their smile, their arms, their c***, their strength, their deep voices, when they break down their walls and show their sensitive side...
I could go on and on.
I have thought about the hypocrisy of me wanting to be romantic with another woman, but not being ok with my boyfriend being with another woman (now if he told me he was bisexual....that might be something different). This is one of the many reasons I have not acted on my feelings, and will not do so unless I am 100% sure it would not ruin my relationship with him.
As I said in an above post, my feelings about women are more than sexual. My fantasies also include cuddling with women, dating them, having families/relationships with them, etc.
That right there isnt all healthy. Too many fantasies with people from the same sex illustrates in my eye that something is clearly pointing out to you.
Um, you do know the families include adopted children, children from donors and test tube babies, right?! I think that was condescending and that is not the appropriate way to talk to another human being who has not been rude to you.
Calm down. I'm just saying that there is a difference between raising a family in the traditional nuclear sense of the word. and the new age millnium way of the world. Me I am a tradion kind of guy, all natural. lol.
Dont take what I said as a personal attack.
As for him being with another woman? No, I would not be ok with that. He would be outta there the nanosecond I found out. And again, I never said that I wanted to cheat on him, in fact.....what I am trying to find out how I can know I'm bisexual without having sex with someone. I have had bisexual friends in relationships who have worked it out where they have threesomes, open relationships, and I know of a person who is in a polyamorus (sp?!) relationship with both men and women. So, I'm just asking for other people's resources.....maybe what they have done, what they would recommend.
But that's the kicker, Why is it okay for you to see someone of the same sex in an intimate light but it is not okay for him to see anyone of the opposite sex in an intimate light. That's hypocrasy. I mean if your going to get your rocks off in a intimate encounter with someone else, why shouldnt your boyfriend be able to do so as well.
Your one of those people who think that if it's someone of the same sex, that it's not cheating huh? It only counts as a man and a woman.
Let me say this if you lay down with anyone with clear sexual situation man or women, it's cheating.
Now your boyfriend is cool with the threesome idea why dont you just roll with it. Why do you need for it to be private? Why do you want to be alone?
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