Hi, I'm separated from my and she says she is filing for divorce... one of my concerns is just that I find it embarrassing at work, once the ring comes off people know - once you goto to hr and start having your wife taken off the health insurance, 401k etc word gets around.. how do you people handle it - what do you say. It is tempting to go into all the problems but I think sometimes just keeping it as quiet as possible is the best idea - last thing needed is a bunch of gossip.
Well I kind of have a similar situation because both myself and wife worked at the same place together, but she was fired for being stupid, and now we are filing for divorce. Anyway, if your HR does their job the way it should be done, they should NEVER say anything to any one else regarding any changes in your insurance etc. It's a private matter and should stay that way. If I were you I wouldn't say to much about anything because everyone is on a need to know basis, and they don't need to know. If anyone asks how your wife is doing, just keep it simple and say just fine. I wouldn't go into any details because if something were to change, and you talked about everything that was going on, it could create an awkward situation. Just go on with your work as best you can.
I would only confide any personal info if a person at work is also considered to you a really good friend also that you know will not go talking behind your back. Someone that if anyone were to ask what is going on with you, that they will just tell the other person, I don't know.
I know it's hard to hide being upset and people at work will pick up on you not being yourself. I've just been saying I'm going through some personal problems, and don't say anything else. There is no reason to be embarrassed about a divorce, it's part of life, and it's not like you are the only person in the world going through it right now.
I feel for you, because I'm going through the same thing, stay strong, take care of yourself, and in the end it will all be for the better. Good luck!!
__________________ I thought I knew everything...Then I got married..
It's your choice to talk about it or not. What I've found is that half of the folks who are at least 40 have already been through one themselves and tend to be compassionate about it.
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Whatever you project, the world will reflect... right back at you.
It is hard knowing what to say to work mates, I just started a new job so I guess thats a bit different, but as its new everyone asks questions, on my first day my boss asked if 'there was a Mrs T L?', rather than say 'yes but she left me last week' I said 'there is but we are seperated' and thats all I can tell them really, none of them know how recently it has happened.
When I had my induction with HR I had to cross my W's name off the insurance forms, think that was an awkward moment for the HR lady.
Personally. I found the less said the better. And most people will respect your privacy and not bug you for details. My stbx and I agreed to this after watching a number of couples in our social circle split. Those who ran around telling everyone their 'side' of the story became the topic of conversation at every cocktail party. Those couples who said nothing were rarely talked about because people had nothing to 'share'. It's worked for us. Good luck.
Honestly, there is NOTHING to be embarrassed about. Divorce is such a taboo topic, not many people talk about it, but I've found the more I talked about it, the more other people opened up and told me how they went through something similar. It's sad, but divorce has become pretty typical and acceptable. I was quite surprised on how people could careless about my marital status. Most did not think badly of me at all. There were a few judgmental people, but they are very far and few between.
You can tell as much or as little as you choose. Dont be ashamed! If your best friend was going through a divorce, would you think any less of him? If yes, why? If no, then show yourself as much compassion as you would others!
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When you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock somewhere else.
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