[getting_there]

Hello,
I am new to this forum. I have been going through a divorce since 6.07, my STBX and I have been together a short time - we were married 11-05-05, it seems as though as soon as we said "i do" my stbx turned into a controlling, manipulating, verbally abusive person. He never could hold down a job for long (and still can't) and drinking and hanging out with his friends was always his first priority. We bought a home together - which only made things worse, the jobs he would have then quit, he would practically live in the basement and drink, watch sports, etc -- he wouldn't even go to bed with me - he'd come up from the basement at 3a or so. We went to counceling, and he told therapist that he felt I smothered him. I never thought that was right, and like I told him - I don't want to be his entire life - I just wanted to be his favorite part. I never felt like I even mattered. So...fast forward to June when we filed for divorce, STBX and I still had to live together in our home because one of us couldn't afford to move out with our mortgage and with STBX not having a job and on unemployment we couldn't make our mortage payments...we have our home for sale right now but have not had one bite (I understand the market being bad). So, it's been a hard road lately, with us not being able to make our payments, we don't really need to live together anymore so I am staying in the house until we sell or hopefully not - but have to go into foreclosure. STBX has found and apartment and will be moving his things out the 20th of October. I was feeling very strong for so long, but now that I know he's moving out I just feel like I can't get it together, I am an emotional mess. I know that I am making the best decision for myself (we don't have any children and I am only 28) but lately I have been so sad, I know that it's only going to bet worse - with the house especially. What can I do? I joined a divorce support group that meets every 2 weeks and that helps a little. Our divorce should be final Nov. 13. Sometimes I feel like we gave up too soon, others I think better now than later. I guess I am just venting and also asking if what I am feeling is normal or do you think we're making a mistake?

Thanks in advance!

[Bosiell]

I have never gone through a divorce personally but I know many how have, and can only imagine it must be a very difficult time. Usually to one side the upheaval must be unbearable. I have much respect for ppl who to have go through it.

Personally I always find it suprising that there so many divorces taking place nowadays. I would never ever think of marrying someone unless I knew for sure there were the one for me and felt sure they felt the same way. Having said that, know one ever knows what the future can hold.

You have to be strong, very strong. Knowing that you are one of many people going through same situation will help.

From what you are saying about his behavior and attitude to you, divorce was the only option for you, sorry to say.

All the best and take care.