[MaizeyKitty]

I've never posted like this before but I honestly don't have any friends or aquaintences outside of my job (moved to area about 4 years ago) and don't want to advertise my personal problems to my co-workers...you know, you're supposed to "leave your personal problems at the door".

I've been married for four years and have two step-daughters (now 12 and 13) that live with us full time. Before I came into the picture, my husband's mother handled the "mom" things with the girls...almost to a fault because it was a very controlling situation. My husband went along with alot of things she did because he felt like he had to. He was a single father to two girls and needed whatever help he could get. The girls' grandmother absolutely despised their mother and went out of her way to keep them from seeing each other.
I enter the picture and eventually my husband and I (me especially) felt like we were baby-sitting our own children, getting rules, instructions and such every evening when picking them up. We made some changes, hit some bumps in the in-law relationship, but that is ok now.
I was a step-child as well and felt it was important that the girls have a relationship with their mother. She may not be perfect, but she is their mother and I would hate for them to resent me if I tried to keep them apart. Their mom and I get along really well, she's actually the only female that I have to talk to. She lives pretty far away so the girls spend the majority of the summer with her. This is the third summer that they have spent with her and this year all hell broke loose. I guess it's their age but both of them developed this huge chip on their shoulder, became totally rude and disrepectful to their mom and her husband to the point that she called me a few times in tears. (It's usually the other way around).
They will be home this week and I think it has knocked me into this really bad funk. It is going to be so chaotic when they get back. I love them, but I'm really not ready for them to come home. I'm so afraid that we will fall right back into the problems we had when they left. (not following house rules, doing whatever they want after being told no, etc) Being nice to them doesn't work, punishing does nothing...I don't know what to do.
I knew this wasn't going to be easy when I married my husband, but I really try to do the best I can for them, for all of us. Maybe I'm just trying to avoid the hurt feelings I had before they left. They are selfish girls who think they're life is sooo difficult. Kids can be selfish, I know, and try to keep that in mind. I don't want to hate them for the way they treat me after all I've done for them. My rational side usually clears thoughts like that out of my head, but it doesn't make the hurt feelings go away.
Like I said, I honestly don't have anyone to talk to other than my husband. Maybe I just needed an outlet to vent ( and then the tears come).
If anyone has any advice or suggestions I would love to hear them. I've never posted here before so I'm not sure how things go on this site, but please don't bother to post if you have a negative comment or to bash or flame me. I can get that anywhere.
Thanks for taking the time to read this.