I have read sooo many posts here about the OW and MM PLEASE tell me why in the world do all of you wives and husbands stay with the one that cheated on you? I can not for the life of me figure out why you people stay with the ones that cheated on you? Is it a game with the OM or OW so that they cant go back to them? Like look you lost and I won? What are truely winning? A man or woman that has no concern for you when he or she is with the other person. Then you get on here and talk about how devastated you are that your husband or wife had and affair, what is the point in that stop being so naive. If your husband or wife goes to the OM OW why would you want them back?
The answer to your question is simply "love" or "co-dependency".
In my case, my husband stays with me (I cheated) because he really does love me. We've been together for 17+ years and he just flat out loves me. He knows I cheated and chose to stay with me. I think he sees this as something temporary that I am going through and isn't willing to give up our kids, and so many years of building a life together.
Now, do I deserve that? Absolutely not. But it is, what it is. You don't choose who you love. Why do abused women choose to stay with their abusive husbands? It's all a mystery but I think it boils down to who you love.
He loves me. I know it. And maybe I even take advantage of that a little. I hate that I have feelings for another man - but I'm not willing to leave my H for it. And maybe, just maybe, that's enough for my H. (that I'm not leaving) I don't know. All I know is that, if the tables were turned, I'm not sure I'd be so understanding - and I've told him so.
I have read sooo many posts here about the OW and MM PLEASE tell me why in the world do all of you wives and husbands stay with the one that cheated on you? I can not for the life of me figure out why you people stay with the ones that cheated on you? Is it a game with the OM or OW so that they cant go back to them? Like look you lost and I won? What are truely winning? A man or woman that has no concern for you when he or she is with the other person. Then you get on here and talk about how devastated you are that your husband or wife had and affair, what is the point in that stop being so naive. If your husband or wife goes to the OM OW why would you want them back?
Very often it's for the same reason they married the cheater...to see if they can change him. Few people like to admit failure. Another reason is a psychological principle known as "entrapment." It works the same way as people who are addicted to playing the lottery. People keep buying tickets against all odds of winning for fear that if they didn't buy a ticket for the next drawing, THAT WOULD BE THE DRAWING they would win. People stay with a cheater because they think LAST TIME WAS THE END OF THEIR CHEATING.
I have read sooo many posts here about the OW and MM PLEASE tell me why in the world do all of you wives and husbands stay with the one that cheated on you? I can not for the life of me figure out why you people stay with the ones that cheated on you? Is it a game with the OM or OW so that they cant go back to them? Like look you lost and I won? What are truely winning? A man or woman that has no concern for you when he or she is with the other person. Then you get on here and talk about how devastated you are that your husband or wife had and affair, what is the point in that stop being so naive. If your husband or wife goes to the OM OW why would you want them back?
Unless a true soul awakening, the cheater less likely change their behavious
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You're asking the wrong people, haha. I wouldn't dare ask this question in the other community, though.
But they probably stay because their husbands lie excessively to them about the details of the affair. Because I'm sure if they really knew EVERYTHING their husbands were telling the OW and the things they were doing, they wouldn't stay. But they stay and they believe because they want to believe he isn't lying to them. And if the OW happens to talk to the wife and tell them the truth then you better believe their husband is going to tell the wife that the OW was lying to them (the w).... and they'll believe it.
In some cases they might think it was just because their husbands were on drugs or alcohol and if they get them recovered then everything will be okay. And I'm sure everything does become okay... if even just artificially.
there is a lot more to it then winning or losing. it is about what you want not only for yourself but for your children, if they are involved. i believe that a great deal of BS stay because they are in denial. i believe that a great many A are caused because often the BS wants something or someone that the WS is not or cannot be... when the A is realized, the BS has a hard time believing that the WS could sincerely do that. They want to forgive- they need to forgive... and yes, the fear of "losing" to the OP is a motivating factor. but it is not the only one.
i was there- not understanding. the truth is, it's hard for a OP to understand why a BS would want to stay... especially if you yourself have never been married.
lack of self-esteem? fear of being alone? the BS and the OP aren't too far away in their insecurities.
Ok, now I still dont understand I just read in the infidelity forum that the woman got preg. and had the oms baby? Why would her husband want to stay and raise that baby as his own plus from what she posted they her husband and them were all friends? Nowww someone please answer this are there any men/woman out there reading this that have stayed because of what reasons????? there are no reasons to stay, not the kids, the house the car the money nothing WHY DO YOU ALL STAY WITH YOUR CHEATER? what makes your husband/wife that great besides "time" you cant possibly love them that much to stay. Do you think the situation with the lady and the baby will change with her and her husband and the OMs with his wife because of the baby? An affair is an affair, an affair that brings on a child is that really forgivable?
Oh, and the OM wants to be in the childs life? How long do you think that either one of there marriages work? Wouldnt both the OMs wife and the husband think everytime they looked at that baby it would remind them of how that child got here in the first place?
Interesting is'nt it?
Ok, now I still dont understand I just read in the infidelity forum that the woman got preg. and had the oms baby? Why would her husband want to stay and raise that baby as his own plus from what she posted they her husband and them were all friends? Nowww someone please answer this are there any men/woman out there reading this that have stayed because of what reasons????? there are no reasons to stay, not the kids, the house the car the money nothing WHY DO YOU ALL STAY WITH YOUR CHEATER? what makes your husband/wife that great besides "time" you cant possibly love them that much to stay. Do you think the situation with the lady and the baby will change with her and her husband and the OMs with his wife because of the baby? An affair is an affair, an affair that brings on a child is that really forgivable?
Married. Men. Are. Master. Manipulators.
That's pretty much all there is to it.
Pluuuus, he is the daddy to their babies, financial reasons, there are underlying issues with the WS that led to the affair, maybe alcohol & drugs (things that are "fixable") are a factor. Don't want all the years they were together to go to waste. Family ties. Maybe some are control freaks because once a MM is caught having an affair that gives the BW the upper hand. Because they love the person they think their husband is and portrays himself to be. There's a whole slew of reasons, take your pick.
Why do you sound so bitter? It's their choice. They decided to stay. Let them deal with their decision.
Nope, I didn't stay in the marriage either. But when D-day arrived, I made him dump his OW under a semi. Then I divorced him. All's well that ends well. Win/win y'know...
ok, if you are looking for answers... you aren't going to find them.
i'm presuming you are an OW, upset bc your MM's BW decided to stay w/ him after learning of the A. Going off that presumption...........
Why is SHE staying with HIM? No one here can tell you that. She may not even know. But, she will tell herself whatever she needs to in order to make it livable.
In my case, the BW set up a very structured plan for overcoming the A. Counseling. Date night. Family night. The A was not to be revealed to ANYONE- friends, family, co-workers, neighbors, members of the PTA. MM had to check in constantly. She got the passwords to every e-mail account he had, including his business account. And of course, absolutely no contact with OW or baby A.
Did it make a difference? No. MM and I continued- where there is a will, there is a way. Do I honestly believe she didn't know? Absolutely not. But, she was happy in denial... most of the time.
And then it got to be too much, and she kicked him out, and now they are getting a D.
The real question is not why does a BS keep a cheating, lying spouse... but why does a cheating spouse who claims to be in love with their other person stay with the BS after the A is revealed??? The answer... because if WS had the balls (for lack of a better term) to end the M in the first place, an A never would have happened. They either want to be in the M or they don't want to leave it... either way, it wouldn't matter if the BS wanted them or not if they didn't go home with their tail between their legs.
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Why Do The Husband Or Wife Stay With The Cheater?
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