This weekend I slept with my new guy - and I've decided it was too soon. I've only known the guy for a little over a month, so I think I may have shot myself in the foot by jumping the gun sexually. Too much wine, too much charm, and too many raging hormones.
What makes me think this? Well, while the sex was phenomenal, the morning-after was not. He is usually very affectionate, sweet, etc., and the morning-after he was just... blah. No little kisses, wasn't holding my hand. I can chalk it up to him being tired or overwhelmed by other things in his life, but... gut feeling, ya know? I feel sick to my stomach. No appetite at all.
WTF can't I take my own damn advice and keep my panties on for a lonnnnnnnnnng time??
__________________
Well done is always better than well said.
There's always gonna be another mountain,
and I'm always gonna want to make it move...
is this the chappy you could not say romantic things to? and i rinsed you
well when i have done this it was for two reasons and two reasons alone... first time : she... was less than good and was over the top in how she thought she did... i mean i aint a pornstar...but anyway, that i didnt like
second time : was she utterly humilated herself by getting ****faced and acting out on feeling when shes was never like it... almost a different person, and it was horrid.
snobby maybe, wrong maybe... but thats teh two times i have gone cold after a bit of dating then some action... it was almost as if..."OH!"
This weekend I slept with my new guy - and I've decided it was too soon. I've only known the guy for a little over a month, so I think I may have shot myself in the foot by jumping the gun sexually. Too much wine, too much charm, and too many raging hormones.
in the business world this is called post-purchase dissonance. thats when you buy some big-ticket item then get it home and you think you made a mistake. don't fret SG, it only lasts a few days.
#2 - He DOES want a serious/meaningful relationship, in general. So if he doesn't, it's because he doesn't want one with ME.
#3 - Just totally not him.
As for Kepners, I really don't appreciate how funny you find this situation.
I remember u were the one who posted to me about the Venus and Mars book...I think this is exactly what is happening here. When intimacy is a bit too fast (are you two exclusive yet? Though one month is not too short, I don't think its that bad) the guy gets into the uncertainty stage and so this is probably where he is right now. DO NOT CALL him...remember u said this will gurantee he wont come back. So just dont call him at all (if you do, wait at least a little while like what the book said and if you call only say you are doing fine but do NOT ask him why he didnt call or try to pursue him). Just hang in there. Its possible that he wont call for up to a week but then if he calls u know that he is out of the uncertainty stage and decided that hes still interested in you and he might possibly want a relationship by then. If he doesnt want u just cuz u two had sex, then I'd question his character. But if he's really not a jerk, I think he will call you eventually and might even want to get serious with you. Remember per the book to have be self-assured and trust that others (ie your guy) cares for you and just give him the benefit of the doubt until he really proves otherwise.
in the business world this is called post-purchase dissonance. thats when you buy some big-ticket item then get it home and you think you made a mistake. don't fret SG, it only lasts a few days.
Well, it's not like I regret it in the sense of not enjoying the sex itself or what have you - I did, I just wish that I had waited because now I'm worried that he'll do the whole, "Well, I got a piece of ass, didn't require much effort, time to move on" thing that so many guys do.
He's by NO means a player, and he was very, very complimentary re: the sex itself - wanted round after round, as well as morning sex. It was just his non-mushy behavior in the morning that weirded me out. When anyone pulls a 180, even if temporary, I get really nervous.
- I did, I just wish that I had waited because now I'm worried that he'll do the whole, "Well, I got a piece of ass, didn't require much effort, time to move on" thing that so many guys do.
yea but SG he could still do that even if you waited another month.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sg
It was just his non-mushy behavior in the morning that weirded me out. When anyone pulls a 180, even if temporary, I get really nervous.
well the morning after you have had sex with someone new its pretty stressful and awkward...even for the best of us
y
well the morning after you have had sex with someone new its pretty stressful and awkward...even for the best of us
Thanks, Alpha.
I know why I'm worried... not really the main topic of this thread but... I REALLY like him. A lot. He's always on my mind, and over the past week or so (and particularly after this weekend) I've come to the realization that this guy totally has the power to destroy my heart. Over the past few days I have (for some unknown reason) come to vividly remember the feeling of heartbreak - the kind that's so intense and painful that you cannot think or eat, and almost feel like you cannot breathe. Physical pain. I'm sure many of you know that feeling. I've been there a few times, and I do NOT want to experience that feeling again. Ever. But who does, right?
Part of me wants to walk away from this new guy already simply because I have the feeling he will eventually have the power to make me feel that way again. I know it's simply fear, and that's not to say I believe he WILL break my heart, but I'm starting to question whether I'll ever be truly willing to make myself that vulnerable to someone ever again...
I have no idea what I'm talking about right now...sorry.
Ok. I think this is a case of : you just need a good night's sleep and everything will make more sense tomorow morning.
And, let's point out that you're definitely not the first woman to feel vulnerable after having sex.
But I side with Trial - there are clear signs that this guy and you are into each other. So don't panic. This is not the last you hear of him.
For now, you need to focus on getting your own sense of selfhood back so that next time you see him you are not feeling this vulnerable. Do some yoga, do something for yourself. You will be ok, and it will be ok.
I know why I'm worried... not really the main topic of this thread but... I REALLY like him. A lot. He's always on my mind, and over the past week or so (and particularly after this weekend) I've come to the realization that this guy totally has the power to destroy my heart.
OK, here we are. This statement is absolutely true. However, that is what makes relationships so great. It's one thing to remeber the pain and heartache of the past because it helps protect us in the now. However, once that time comes that it prevents you from doing what you feel is right, then you won't be able to truly enjoy relationships for what they are. You need to embrace each relationship for it's full potential, regardless of past relationship failures, otherwise you wont really treasure it.
At the risk of sounding cheezy and cliche, you really can't enjoy the good things in life unless you have experienced the bad. It's the risk that makes everything so fantastic if it works out.
Chill out Star. It sounds like he did a lot of nice things for you, just not exactly what you wanted. But yes, I would also caution you to keep yourself in chack and not let yourself get "sucked in" because of the need for reassurance. Don't lose your pride and independence for anything.
__________________ That is not dead which can eternal lie, yet with strange aeons, even death may die - H. P. Lovecraft.
My happy thought for the day
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
I am so upset with myself.
June 8, 2010 
Hybrid Mode
