[Kelso]

Hey everyone -

I'm kind of ashamed to be posting here again, but sometimes I really need to let go off my chest. The fact is that we broke up about 7 months ago, after a relationship that lasted for only 6 months. She was the first girl I ever loved, but I guess I was just a fling for her. Maybe I was just to immature, but actually it doesn't matter.

The thing is...I was devastated right after the breakup and went through all the stages of a breakup. Sadness, Emptyness, Trying to get her back, acting stupid, finally using NC. I haven't spoken to her for about 5 months now unless for this one time I met her in a bar. I don't have any interest in calling her...simply because I have nothing to say.

My problem is that she has become a habitual thinking. She poppes into my head everyday and stays there for hours maybe and I get this sad feeling in my stomach which remind me of how I felt when we breakup. I just loose all motivation at work or school. Then after a short period of sadness, I start concentrating again and don't think about her for hours.

I've been doing just fine for the last weeks and not been having this ridicilous setbacks. But they all seem to be coming back now, probably because I have all the memories of her from last summer.

This is so weird and actually annoying. I've been intimate with 12 girls since we broke up. All girls that I've picked up at bars or clubs and definetly don't have any feelings for. When I wake up I feel so empty inside and all I can think of is this ex of mine.

I just don't know what to do with myself sometimes. It's so annoying and it is starting to affect my relationship with my family. I sometimes become so pissed at myself that I get all moody and take it out on my siblings. It's ridicilous.

Is there anyone who has had this feeling that you just stop moving on 6 months after breakup, after such a short relationship. It just freaks me out I don't know what to do with myself sometimes...

Any advices will be appreciated...

[Aquarius Guy]

Dear Kelso,

NC has its advantages.

I try to use a time between contacts process.

Maybe once a month, or once in two months.

List out some questions that come to you.

It does not matter that you have nothing to say. Women generally like to be asked questions, and are not interested in listening to guys.

Any woman can mean something to you. It is about setting up your relationship skills. I am studying Love and Respect.
Couple for women.


C Closeness

O Openess

U Understanding

P Peacemaking

L Loyalty

E Esteem


Have some short things to say to her. Maybe I really can't find anyone who really means somethign to me.

Also plan what yo are not going to tell her. Mabe leave outt your 12 scores.

O0peness does not mean brining dishonor. Openness means having a ready answer for any question.

Good Luck

[CaliGuy]

Kelso, it's been 7 months. You dated for 6.

At some point you have to accept that it's over and that there ARE other women out there for you. The problem is you are trying to REPLACE your ex instead of working on being happy alone. You can't be happy with someone until you can learn to be happy alone. The sexual activity isn't going to help you either. It's not building your confidence or self-esteem and that is readily apparent.

If you can meet and sleep with other women, why can't you meet and get to know some other women? You really do need to focus your time on you, not on women in general. Try hanging out with friends, diving into new hobbies, working out and definitely see a Counselor.

Seeing a Counslor is not failure. When your brain isn't working right, you need to talk to someone who can help you put things in perspective. That will help you immensely.

[Kelso]

Thank you both guys for your advices.

Cali: I saw your advice about "not making someone a priority in your life who sees you only as an option", few months ago. It makes so much sense that it helped me realize that I was lucky to get out of the relationship before it developed into something more serious.

But right now I still think it's not about her. I had a dream about her the other day. Actually the first one since Jan/Feb. In the dream she asked me if I wanted to try again and I said no in the dream. Of course it was a dream, but I guess that my reactions may say something about my feelings.

Tonight I had another dream of her, probably because she was on my mind when I fell to sleep after I wrote the post in here. When I woke up I didn't give a **** and jumped into the shower. 3 months ago I would probably have stayed in bed until noon and then spent the day moping around.

I have realized that she ain't coming back and I don't feel sad about that. Except few times when I'm drunk. When I go partying I sometimes start think about her and get afraid that I might meet her. That's just because I decided to stop going to places she might be in just after we broke up. That was just because I didn't wanted to see her with other guys. Me avoiding her has developed into some tense pressure I guess...like a bubble that gets bigger and bigger and won't explode until I see her with another guy Then it's gonna feel weird, but I know the morning after I won't give a **** again.

Also one thing that amazes me. Like I said...it were only 6 months!! My best friend's gf dumped him almost at the same time as my relationship ended. They'd been together for 4,5 years. And yet he seems to have been doing much better than me since October.

Another thing about the sex. I can easily pick up girls at pubs. I'm an athletic good looking guy I guess. But when it comes to something more than just sex I get afraid because I feel like I'm gonna get hurt all over again. And when I've dated girls since this breakup and things aren't going very well, I feel rejected all over again and I hate that feeling. That's why I don't seem to be able to get anything to the next stage anymore.

Funny thing though. I logged on to MySpace this morning...only to see a picture comment from her sister. Haven't heard from anyone related to her for the past moths...and now this

Sometimes I just hate myself for being like this...

Well....enough about her for now. Going to school, doing something productive instead of destructive