I am a 29-y/o married Afro-american woman and i am having constant thoughts about an ex-boyfriend. I'll start from the beginning:

a few years ago i returned from school out of state where i had ended a bad relationship. when i returned home, a few days later a girlfriend of mine asked me to go to the movies. she brought along a friend of her brothers and when we met the first thing he asked me was did i have a boyfriend. i told him yes and he acted as if he was upset about it. he even said that he remembered me from a bus ride years earlier when he was introduced to me (i had no idea what he was talking about). later, when i was single, we went out a few times but on one particular trip to mexico(he is Mexican) with some friends, he treated me particularly badly with frequent durogatory remarks about my ethnicity. he made it blaringly obvious that he wanted nothing to do with me. i took from this that family/friends had related to him negatively regarding my Blackness. so when we returned home i didn't call him and he didn't call me. But later on that same year i called up my girlfriend and told her that i was going to this party at one of the amusement parks in California. she told him and he wanted to go with me. anyway, we went and things were the same way that they were prior to that trip to mexico - he was attentive, affectionate, and loving towards me. we saw each other for a while afterwards and we did end up having sex. i later lended him some money and i never saw him or my money again. a couple years later i saw him and a pregnant girl at the mall by my house. now, when he and i were seeing each other he had said that he didn't want any children too soon and he wasn't going to get married until he was 40 years old and that he wanted me to wait as well. he recognized me that day at the mall but he never said a word to me. and a few days ago i found out that the girl he was with WAS his girlfriend and now they have a young son together but he refuses to marry her.

my problem is that i think i loved this guy at one point but i don't any longer. what i want to know is why things ended the way that they did. was he too chicken**** to tell me that he was unable to stand the pressures of others opinions? or did he just stop liking me? i don't know but i guess what i need is some closure about this.

[Tony T]

Obviously the words from others about your race while the two of you were in Mexico was unsettling to him. But it was not your race that bothered him, it was other people's opinions because your relationship later resumed and things were fairly good for a while.

There is no way to know why he stopped seeing you unless you asked him. But this situation happens thousands of times a day with people of the same race so I really don't think that was the issue. He may have been influenced by others, he may have been scared of his feelings or he may just not have been ready at the time.

It's also a possiblity that he had more running around to do before settling down. Guys move on for any one of a thousand reasons...and sometimes they don't even know themselves.

At any rate, I think you got enough closure when you saw him with his pregnant girlfriend at the mall and later found out he refuses to marry her. NOW DON'T YOU FEEL PRETTY DOGGONE LUCKY YOU AREN'T THAT GIRL???

You should be so very happy you didn't go further with a guy who is insufficiently expressive as to leave you hanging and who would later get a girl pregnant and let her deal with the child on her own.

This guy was a real bum and you are oh so lucky to be away from him. If you still think you need some closure, put his picture up on the wall and throw darts at it. Hopefully you have a full body shot of him so you'll know exactly where the target is.

It's time to move on now to somebody who will be worthwhile for you.

Hi there....

What a nasty bugger, for having made past derogatory remarks about your ethnicity. Sure, he was nice to you later on, but there's just no damn room in this world for prejudice, and that's one of my personal pet peeves (and I'm white!). So you think he'd done so because he was getting flack from his friends and family because you were (are) black? Well if that's so, the guy never had much of a backbone, or respect for you as an african american, AND as a WOMAN!!!!

Okay, so he changed his attitude, was nice...and you saw each other for a bit. That's really ****ty that he borrowed money and never paid you back, and you never saw him again. Could it be possible (and I don't mean to hurt your feelings) that he was just using you for the money?..and once he got what he wanted (sex, then the money you lent him), he was outta there?

Yes, it's possible you did love him at one point, but in all honesty, the guy sounds like a putz. I think you are wayyyy better off without him. He sounds like a 'user'...and someone who can't stand up to others......

Don't even waste one more second trying to figure a guy like that out. Count yourself lucky...that you weren't the one who got pregnant by him!!

I hope you meet someone wonderful, who treats you like gold and makes you very happy. He's out there!!! (or at least that's what they tell me, I'm still lookin' myself haha)

Laurynn

Don't waste one more brain cell on this guy.

He is a TOTAL and COMPLETE LOSER