[mogster]

Hello all, i wonder if the resident experts can help. I am sad and tired of arguing! I want to talk to my wife but dread the inevitable argument that will start after about 5 minutes of pleasant conversation. As a result i feel i am starting to lose someone who i once cherished and admired.



I work in the oil industry which involves working away from home for 5 weeks out of every 10. The industry is suited for younger men up to 45 years old I would say. I like to save money so one day when I am older than 45 years I wont have to go and work in this environment (I am 38). That’s my plan! Every month I give my wife an allowance for household bills and her expenses but we have got to the stage where she always wants more. She is a housewife and we have a baby boy and a 20 year old daughter.


About two years ago I was called away at short notice and I didn’t have time to get her a cheque or bank transfer sorted out so I gave her my bank card for 5 weeks while I was away. The money leaked out like a sieve over successive days and I couldn’t fathom how she was spending so much. Although when I questioned the bank statement she had many reasons for the large expenditure such as bills, medicine for the baby and such.

We have had two agendas recently. I have been getting our home refurbished, painted and decorated and have amassed quite a bill to be paid over several months. Meanwhile my wife started to build a small (1 bedroom) house for her mum and dad. This was initially budgeted for but over 3 months the house is now 3 times the original budget. As a result I am struggling to pay the bills for our house (which I consider the main priority). I also had plans for the money she has spent (ie. new washing machine and play room for our growing son).

So basically, now, nearly every time we start talking we end up arguing about money. She spends over and beyond her means and I like to budget and save so i can hopefully one day retire a few years earlier as a result.

The other thing causing resentment is that I like the house we live in, but the wife wants to move closer to her parents, which I am not prepared to do. So basically she criticizes anything I do or spend on our present house and I resent her spending on a house 2 hours flight away that we will visit maybe twice a year.

I love my wife. I love my son even more and I can’t imagine life without him. So I need to repair this situation. I want to be able to go home and relax after 5 weeks away at work and have my wife enjoy being with me and us getting along again.

All advice and suggestions appreciated. Hoping to become a happy family again.