Money Issue with Boyfriend

livingjewel

Dear Loveshack,

I'm wondering if you can help me.

I've been having a long distance relationship with a man who lives in England for the past 5 months. We get along wonderfully, he knows how to make me laugh, we both value commitment, we like the same things, we respect one another..and are basically on the same wavelength. We both have felt from very early on that the other was "the one". I confess I have never ever felt this way about anyone. He says the same. There's only one real issue I have with him that's bothering me, and I don't know how to approach it with him.

From the very first time he came to visit me in Canada, he was cheap. It was apparent it was difficult for him to part with money. I'd stop to fill the car up with gas, and he wouldn't open his wallet. I'd drive us into Toronto to visit attractions, and I'd be the one paying the parking garage fees. You get the picture.

He invited me to Paris for Christmas this year, and we ended up splitting most everything down the middle, although he did treat me to a meal here and there.

Our long distance phone bills used to be quite high -- with his being cut off at one point (it's since been reconnected). Then I stumbled upon these phone cards that allow me to phone him cheaply. Since he's learned of that, I'm the one doing all the calling now - he says he'll gladly contribute to the cost of the cards, but I'm starting to resent being the one doing all the calling.

We know we want to get married and have said this to each other, and we are both actively looking for employment in the other's country (he in Canada and I in England), to see who gets a hit first. We email each other throughout the day, and at night. Everything else about our relationship is great, except for this money issue I have with him.

By the way, he was at this parents house yesterday in England and asked if I would ring him on a phone card, giving me their number. I foolishly did.

He's been cheap since we first met, so my gut tells me it's not a question he doesn't love me....but that he's a bit of a taker and does not give freely. He was married before, and I sense the two of them lived high on the hog, got into financial trouble, and now he is very tight with money.

Your thoughts would be most appreciated...I need some pointers as to how to deal with him! I love him very much and do want this to work out.

Thank you for your time,

livingjewel

ps) His parents gave him close to $6000 at Christmas to bail him out of bills...and his sister gave him money to pay for his divorce.....