[sungrl]

Does anyone go through this?

I have to admit...i hate to think about my b/f's past. I think about what wild girls he might have slept with, how i compare, and why would he want to stay(i was a virgin so he was my first). Obviously, this brings up insecurity issues like am i doing this well or how do i live up to these girls who had more experience. I once said what if i slept with like 20 guys, that wouldnt have bothered you? He said if you did, you did..nothing i can do about it. It made me feel like he doesnt even respect the fact or think its some great thing i didn't sleep around before him. It made me feel like that if a girl had many partners its no big deal. It makes me think of how do guys pass up other opportunities when it comes there way. Everywhere you turn to it pretty much says guys cant say no and think with the little head and not the big one.

Then when he has mentioned things he has gone to..like say this skating ring and i ask who he went with years ago and he says a girl...i get jealous..i try not to show it though. But i do..i think..now that i asked who, he is thinking of her or how she looked.. and it makes me mad. I can't help thinking how these girls must have lived close to him and wonder if he still sees them..or the restaurants we go to..how he probably went there with other girls..i dont know how to get rid of these feelings and i really want to be more confident with this issue. Or he mentioned skiing and that he stayed at this b&b and i asked oh and who was this with..and he says i was with my g/f...it just makes me feel horrible..we never spent a weekend at a b&b..he never even initiated a weekend away unless i bring up something.

And another thing..my b/f does not have pics at his place of past girls..but he has things there from girls..such as novelty items(books, collector knives etc) and obviously if i didn't ask i wouldnt know..but i would and he would say a girl from years ago, not important. I know its not pictures but i hate seeing it there knowing some other girl gave it to him and they slept together...he said, what am i supposed to do--throw the books and items out? One book i went through and then on the inside it says i love you..it bothered the hell out of me..but its not like its a pic of the girl, its a collectors item. He said she wrote it but it was never said..he never said it to her. He said love written down is different from saying it.

Does anyone go through this? Should i be feeling this way? Help on getting better..what can i do to not care about these girls in his past or how he probably thinks of them from time to time. It makes me sad.