[CarolAnne]

Hoping for some points of views on my situation ~~

I really really want my new job to work out! I'm working part time for a company with someone I've known for two years as a family friend. Unfortunately, the job started out rocky and on a bad foot because she had made some promises to me salary wise that didn't pan out several weeks ago, it wasn't totally in her control as the decisions are made by the executive board, and I felt I had been totally lied to/ made to look like a p---y and embarassed. I was furious and felt so betrayed I stopped talking to her and she was (I think) getting fed up with my constant calling about the position (before the exec board had finally taken their sweet time in getting around to discussing it)

Anyhoo a week ago I decided that I didn't want to lose the friendship and was still hurting but otherwise over the shock of the exec boards decision, and felt like, well, might as well give it a shot even though its a lot less than I was promised and hopefully mend some bridges with my friend and people I knew there

So now we are working together but unlike before its like we're laughing together but hiding a lot of resentment.

Is that true or am I just imagining that she resents me? I must admit it probably didn't look so good for her to finally have a decision from the exec board and then never hear from me again. I was so mad though. Still she shouldn't have lied to me if she couldn't guarantee the job or salary.

For example today, I see her in the copy room and I'm talking to her but its like she's half listening, and I find out that she was passed up for a big interview with some people upstairs this morning. And then she passes by my office room later in the day and doesn't even come in to say hi.

Is it me, or what's going on??? Should I feel sad that things are broken beyond repair?? Could it be that she's having a bad day and not in a social mood? Or is she harboring some deep anger at me for not talking to her several weeks ago?? Am I just really insecure and if so, I thought insecure people were alway very nice and not so mortally confused! Will things ever be the way they used to be?

Someone help me!! Any insight would be SO appreciated!

[silentalways]

she sounds like she has a ton of stuff on her mind. let her vent and if she wants to talk to u about something she will let u know. just be yerself and try and decrease her stress levels. surprise her by leaving some ice cream on her desk with a nice, playful note - and let her chillax.

sounds like she likes to work things thru in her head for a while before saying or doing anything. i used to shot right from the hip, no thought what so ever - man, has that learned behaviour ever done me well!

NOT.

i actually take time to THINK about things now. lol

small miracles eh

[crazy_grl]

Talk to her and ask her if she holds any resentment toward you about it. Do it in an appologetic way, explaining that you feel bad and are concerned that you may have caused a rift in your friendship.

Originally Posted by CarolAnne

Am I just really insecure and if so, I thought insecure people were alway very nice and not so mortally confused!

Huh?? Where did you get the idea that insecure people are always very nice?

[silentalways]

ahhhh, so now u have both sides to take advice from

what i really think u should do is this - u should know her by now - so go with what u know [silence or compassion]

[CarolAnne]

I like both of your ideas ~ just talking about it has helped me feel a lot better

I like the idea of remaining silent because I'm always silent. I dread/avoid asking ppl about "relationship issues". I don't know why but I hate it. It's almost like the way men don't like to talk about relationships, I don't either. I'm starting to think this is a weakness within myself, being afraid to talk about my feelings (which I avoid, until things get *so bad* that then it all gushes out in a downpour of bottled up emotion and then ppl say things like "Carol has issues"

On the other hand, I feel like if I don't say something then it will just continue on like this forever with things so awkward. It was really hard for me to take the job after all of the humiliation. Is this humiliation or humility? I'm not sure. Maybe I should just be direct? I'm never direct.... but even more important than anything, to me, is that I don't want to lose this friendship. And that is my #1 concern. So, I'm considering doing the most uncomfortable thing ever and actually being very honest about how I feel, but if there is ANY way to avoid the "relationship discussion", such as giving gifts and being apologetic I'd prefer it

[crazy_grl]

I hate relationship discussions too. I hate talking things through and I hate discussing my feelings. My family NEVER discussed anything, so it's incredibly uncomfortable for me. I've had many boyfriends complain that I don't open up to them enough. So I know what you're saying.

But one thing I've learned is that silence just drags things out. Nice guestures are easier, but they leave a lot more room for misinterpretation. Leaving nice things for her doesn't really tell her what your problem was or let you know whether she's upset with you. The quickest way to solve the problem is to talk to her.