I am in love with an MM. I suppose we have been having an EA. He is one of my closest friends, but my feelings run much deeper than friendship. I have known him and his wife for 5 years. Basically, she has problems, and wont seek help for them. She avoids sex and dislikes physical contact. They both thought things would get better with time and patience, but it never has. As a result, he has fallen out of love with her, although he cares for her. They have 2 children in their teens.
We have kissed, but he has left the ball in my court. If I want to take things further, I can. I want to! His children are nearly at the age when they will be leaving school. I think it will be easier for him to leave then. And this isnt just sex for either of us. But I never imagined being an OW. We dont want to hurt his W but does she really think that he can be happy in a sexless marrige with no physical intimacy of any kind? Thats a friendship, not a marriage.
why would you ever put yourself in that situation?
Is this woman a friend?
Are you sure their marriage is sexless or is he just telling you that to get you into bed.
Have you read all the stories on here? Go back a read all the ones about his wife found out. Most times it's a heartbreaking story where everyone is hurt and the OW gets dumped.
Do you know his kids well? What will they think of you?
Don't do it. If his marriage is sexless she obviously knows this and he needs to clean p that before going on to you.
Tell him if he moves out and leaves the marriage then you will see him.
Nothing less.
Have you read any of the other posts on this forum? The wreckage permeates almost every single thread. If you have enough doubt about what you are considering to post "should I" then you have your answer.
Don't do it. You are worth so, so, so, so, so much more. Tell him to contact you the split second his divorce is final and you can resume your relationship at that time. You are playing with heartbreak you cannot even imagine right now.
His children are nearly at the age when they will be leaving school. I think it will be easier for him to leave then.
Don't count on it. Next he'll have to stay to put them through college. Then he'll have to stay because one is getting married and he doesn't want his leaving to ruin the child's wedding. Then he'll have to stay because there's a grandchild on the way. Then another child will be getting married. And so it goes.........
You're kidding yourself here. Come back to reality. Fast.
Go ahead and do it. You've already kissed him and been having intimate conversations with him. His W sounds like a survivor of some sort of sexual abuse or rape, so her pain at just that betrayal will be major. So go ahead and get what you can now, seeing as she is already going to be hurt.
What you will get in return for your devotion to this MM, will be mostly empty promises (especially when he realizes that his kids will hate you and him for hurting their already hurting mother), secret rondevous (the good part, I admit it), and lots of lonely days and nights (while he is off playing the devoted H and father).
So, I vote. Do it. You already have betrayed his W, might as well take it all the way. Besides, what she doesn't know won't hurt her, until she knows it.
__________________ I didn't and you can't prove it.
OMG, here we go again. No it's not a friendship, IT'S A MARRAGE! With kids and all. If he wanted to be single, he would leave his wife. Plain and simple. This is not the W problem, it's their problem and unless you want to be part of the problem, you will back off. Why is this so hard to understand?
But I never imagined being an OW. We dont want to hurt his W but does she really think that he can be happy in a sexless marrige with no physical intimacy of any kind? Thats a friendship, not a marriage.
I am confused and torn and on the brink. Help!!!
This is not your concern to ponder over. Do not pursue this man any longer. If he is unhappy then he should responsibly do what he feels should be done about it. You say you don't want to hurt her, then why are you sneaking around with her husband? You say he put the ball in your court? Why won't he be a man and take control of his marriage or divorce her and have an exclusive relationship with you? He should not put the ball in your court he should take control of his life and make a choice.
You say you don't want to hurt her but honey, no matter your intention she will be hurt by your actions. You can only be responsible for your part in this and believe me dear if he was worth it or a victim in this marraige he would not start anything with you until he had this straightened out because he would be concerned with hurting you. That's if he were worth the trouble anyway.
I think it will be easier for him to leave then. just because you think it's possible doesn't mean it's probable. If he's unhappy and he actually leaves his wife, there's a better chance of him doing a "boys gone wild" thing and screwing anyone and everyone he can, simply because he feels it's due him. And it will have nothing to do with whatever feelings he imagines he has for you.
And this isnt just sex for either of us. are you sure? Really, really sure. If he's already legally and socially obligated to a woman, then sex with you is just ... getting what he wants for no strings attached because he has no real obligation to you since you're willingly entering into an affair with him, emotional or physical.
We dont want to hurt his wife but does she really think that he can be happy in a sexless marrige with no physical intimacy of any kind? Thats a friendship, not a marriage.
oh, she'll be hurt, no matter how "honorable" your intentions are. Because the bond is supposed to remain between the two of them, not with him and her and everyone else he's chosen to ****.
addressing the sexless marriage issue: A couple can survive the dry spells if they're committed to the relationship – they still have a very healthy, happy marriage. Sex is not the be-all, end-all of a marriage – trust and loyalty and honor and love are.
when you say "physical intimacy," is he merely referring to the lack of screwing, or the fact that there's not touching, no hugging, no kissing whatsoever involved? My guess is that you're the very willing "something on the side" that he pursues because he's told himself he's missing out. Granted, there might be problems in his marriage, but those can be addressed and corrected IF he and his wife are willing to work at it.
don't lower your standards for someone who can't even respect the agreement he made with another even if he claims he's miserable. If he has any respect for himself or his wife or you, he'll do something to fix the original problem (marriage counselling and reconciliation, or divorce). Not get what he can from whoever is willing to freely give it, all the while being a "good married man." You're much, much better than that.
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