[shadowsfall]

Hello everyone,

I'm having severe emotional problems with a girl I've been dating for 7months now. We met at my current job and worked side-by-side for about 6months. As of a week ago she has taken a job with another company. Now things in the beginning (first 5 months) were great with us, we'd always flirt through email, go to lunch together, and act playful in the office.

Now back in August one day I noticed she had been emailing quite a bit more than usual. I got suspicious. I started to pick up on one of my other male co-workers typing almost instantaneously back in forth with her. And this went on for probably an hour that day. You might be thinking big deal right? The next day the same thing happened again and maybe 2 or 3 different times throughout the day for hours and hours. I was pissed when I kept hearing this going on. It was like with each email someone was ripping my heart out. You know this is something we used to do when we first started going out! We would email back and forth for hours and hours. What the hell could they be talking about for that long??

One day I finally brought it up and asked her what the deal was with her emailing this guy. She said he talks to her about his ex-gf problems and that he's the one initiating all the conversations. She got really upset when I brought it up and felt like I had mistrusted her. In my mind I do a little bit because she's told me that in her past relationships she hasn't exactly been a saint when it comes to faithfullness. So I'd hate to say it but I always carry that around in the back of my mind and never let my guard down. It sucks because I really don't want to be involved with someone I can't trust. But then I start thinking maybe my mind is making me perceive something that isn't happening.

Anyway like I said, she recently got another job and since leaving I noticed she's gotten a few text messages from this guy. They never used to talk before she left (and she did have his number before because they have a mutual group of friends and her mutual friend didn't have his phone so he gave her this guys number). I know because I've checked her cell phone bill because of this whole thing and not one conversation came up between then. He constantly sends her comedic pornographic cartoon txt msgs, (which she forwards to me by the way) so everytime i get one it sends me into a rage cuz I know who it's from.

So anyway the phone bill showed that he is the one that does in fact initiate the conversations and is always the one that text's her first. But what's funny is that the txt msg times for each msg is maybe 1minute apart on each on, (reminds me of the instant emails they used to send). They did txt quite a bit 1week ago when she was in vegas on her way there, they txt for about an hour.

What the hell could they be talking about? You may be asking why I don't confront her and I'll tell you why. There is not ONE phone call on the cell bill between them EVER. Don't you think if they were hooking up that they would talk on the phone at least?? Am I making a big deal about nothing? And the txt msgs are very sparatic and it is not a frequent thing.

Last night however (from checking cell bill online) I found out she actually txt him at 12:20 am while we were falling asleep but that only went on for 3msgs and 3minutes. She did get a funny txt msg from her other friend and maybe she was forwarding it to him??? I don't know?? I'm starting to obsessively check the cell bill every hour to monitor their communication. What's even harder is that I have to work with the guy and he sits right in front of me txt msging all day,(but not to her) so I constantly have that fear of them txting everyday I go to work. Is it possible they are just friends and I'm freaking out over nothing? I really like this girl but my insecurity over this is making me have feelings of resentment and I'd hate to ruin a good thing if it's just innocent. Is there anyway I can feel better about this situation without confronting her and break more trust?? Sorry for the length of this post but I couldn't really shorten a story like this. Any input would be greatly appreciated.

[roxy_1980]

First of all, STOP CHECKING HER PHONE BILLS!!! Although it seems like a great way to get information, it is really NONE of your business. Snooping is a big breach of trust.

Second, you need to talk to your gf. Tell her that you feel threatened by the fact that she's txting so much with some other guy. And yes, this requires that you 'fess up to looking at her bills. You did it, now you're gonna have to live with the consequences.