I was thinking about things the other night, and this is my theory.

I am basically the "provider" of the household, i bring home the more cash, i do most things around the house. I have other friends like this. My theory is that if you are the "provider" you will get crapped on. The other person in the relationship will take you for granted and basically treat you like nothing. This has happened in all the "provider" relationships I have seen - young and old.

Now if you are both working and both have a resonable income, all is fine and dandy and everyone gets on. Am I going crazy here? Have I stumbled on some great new discovery? Or should I get a life?

[Tony T]

Your theory may be correct in some cases, but I'm sure not in all such situatiosn. Whether or not you are taken for granted or treated like nothing in such a relationship certainly depends on the history and maturity of the other person. This behavior is not automatic.

You are not going crazy here. You have not stumbled onto some great new study. I don't think you will be considered for a Nobel Prize. But, yeah, if I were you I would consider getting a life.

Happy Thanksgiving.

my theory is that you only get crapped on if you let the other person crap on you. tell them where to shove their selfishness and inconsiderate actions, and look out for number one.

maybe the people who crap on people are just looking for their idea of the easy life, so the easy life means finding someone who can provide for them without them having to get off their lazy backsides. or they could have even grown up being provided for, its all they've ever known and they don't see anything wrong with it.

if people are on an equal level, they are more understanding and less likely to take you for granted because they can relate to the hard work being done.

but all in all, it boils down to the person. some people who don't bring home the cash etc won't tread all over the other person because they appreciate and respect them. It takes all kinds in this big world of ours and it would take centuries to analyse them. i guess that what makes all relationships so interesting. ok, i've lost what i'm trying to say now.....adios.

I was thinking about things the other night, and this is my theory. I am basically the "provider" of the household, i bring home the more cash, i do most things around the house. I have other friends like this. My theory is that if you are the "provider" you will get crapped on. The other person in the relationship will take you for granted and basically treat you like nothing. This has happened in all the "provider" relationships I have seen - young and old. Now if you are both working and both have a resonable income, all is fine and dandy and everyone gets on. Am I going crazy here? Have I stumbled on some great new discovery? Or should I get a life?

Having been a provider for many years myself while I put a man through medical school, I think there is something to this theory. I mean, I became part of the furniture, the person who was always there, the person who took care of things: The bills, any repairs on house or car, all clean-up, all planning. After a while, that unequal relationship took its toll in other ways. I felt I was being taken for granted and I was.

I needed appreciation and found it through other people. Eventually it broke up the marriage. I was the one who got up at 5:00 AM to go out and work three jobs while he was still in bed. By the time I came home from my night-time job, he was already crashed out. I thought love meant self-sacrifice but now I know that there must be financial equality or at least work-effort equality (around the house as well as on the job) for a relationship to work out.

my theory is that you only get crapped on if you let the other person crap on you. tell them where to shove their selfishness and inconsiderate actions, and look out for number one. maybe the people who crap on people are just looking for their idea of the easy life, so the easy life means finding someone who can provide for them without them having to get off their lazy backsides. or they could have even grown up being provided for, its all they've ever known and they don't see anything wrong with it. if people are on an equal level, they are more understanding and less likely to take you for granted because they can relate to the hard work being done. but all in all, it boils down to the person. some people who don't bring home the cash etc won't tread all over the other person because they appreciate and respect them. It takes all kinds in this big world of ours and it would take centuries to analyse them. i guess that what makes all relationships so interesting. ok, i've lost what i'm trying to say now.....adios.