There are many threads here about sexless marriages and sometimes people give ridiculous answers to the posters who need sex or at least that's my humble opinion.
We all have sexual needs, they are not related to love, anger or somebody's weight; they tend to be more related to hormones, age, etc. I think denying somebody's or your own sexual desire is in the least STUPID, as you can't run away from your sexual hunger. Secondly, it's mocking nature which has put millions of years of effort in making us what we are. Finally, no matter how much you want to be "holy" and non-superficial, if you want sex, you just want it.
So for those who think that sexless marriages should not be divorced after many attempts of trying to working on the issue or that sex isn't that important, I have a question: how do you deal with your need when you want to f*ck? How do you persuade yourself that it's only in your head and doesn't need to be fulfilled? How can you be happy in a relationship with no sex? Is that platonic love or not love at all?
And one more question... what do you consider to be sexless? Once a week? Once a month? How about twice a month where YOU initiate it and your partner reluctantly accepts it?
Would you dump a partner with whom your sexual life brings you nothing but frustration?
__________________ If one can let go, one can move forward - Jerbear
Marriage is a community in which we resolve problems that we wouldn't have had if we were single - anonymous
There are many threads here about sexless marriages and sometimes people give ridiculous answers to the posters who need sex or at least that's my humble opinion.
We all have sexual needs, they are not related to love, anger or somebody's weight; they tend to be more related to hormones, age, etc. I think denying somebody's or your own sexual desire is in the least STUPID, as you can't run away from your sexual hunger. Secondly, it's mocking nature which has put millions of years of effort in making us what we are. Finally, no matter how much you want to be "holy" and non-superficial, if you want sex, you just want it.
So for those who think that sexless marriages should not be divorced after many attempts of trying to working on the issue or that sex isn't that important, I have a question: how do you deal with your need when you want to f*ck? How do you persuade yourself that it's only in your head and doesn't need to be fulfilled? How can you be happy in a relationship with no sex? Is that platonic love or not love at all?
You're talking about the biological need to reproduce? Biological needs can countered with psychological conditioning. Pink_Tulip put it extremely well in another thread:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pink_Tulip
As far as women not wanting sex. I think we as a society have done a terrible disservice to women. We tell them from a young age that men are all horn dogs and only care about one thing. And that attitude is portrayed perfectly on nonsensical networks like MTV. Growing up with this message, it makes sense that every wife that is confronted by a frustrated husband immediately feels she is being objectified. No where in our society do we discuss how important sex and intimacy are within a marriage, and honestly, most women simply do not get this, b/c we have been trained our entire lives to see sex as a way we are objectified.
Even though she was talking about women, "nice guys" frequently have a similar attitude toward their wives.
I would define "sexless" as a month or more with no physical reason (pregnancy, sickness, injury, etc.)
What should/could be done about it? I have no clue.
I have a question: how do you deal with your need when you want to f*ck?
well, er, if she ain't available, jerkin' off is an option.
Quote:
Originally Posted by RecordProducer
And one more question... what do you consider to be sexless? Once a week? Once a month? How about twice a month where YOU initiate it and your partner reluctantly accepts it?
once a year
Quote:
Originally Posted by RecordProducer
Would you dump a partner with whom your sexual life brings you nothing but frustration?
To me, sexless would be once every six months or so.
If it were my spouse just wacking off to porn instead of making love with me, then yeah, I'd have a major problem with it and probably leave the marriage.
If it were due to a real medical illness then I'd just buy a vibe and ask my partner to pleasure me when I felt the need. Or pleasure myself. I wouldn't leave my partner because medically they couldn't have sex with me.
Hey good thead. I would define sexless as in once a month because I would like like whats the point of even doing it at all. So how would I feel in a sexless marriage? Ok I guess but I think my husband would kill himself because I would be the only one who would stop the sex. But seriously though it would have to depend on the situation that I was in. Like others said if its a medical thing then thats understandable and there are ways to work around it.
You're talking about the biological need to reproduce? Biological needs can countered with psychological conditioning.
I am talking about libido - desire to f*ck, exc use my French! When I need sex, I am not thinking about reproduction and certainly my desire doesn't go off and on depending on whether my partner bought me flowers or sent me to hell. We have a need for sex when we're single, married, in love, out of love, dumped, happy, unhappy, etc.
Everything can be related to psychological conditions; does that mean that we should claim that hunger is a relative thing, just because you can lose your appetite in stressful conditions?
Quote:
I would define "sexless" as a month or more with no physical reason (pregnancy, sickness, injury, etc.)
One month without sex doesn't make your whole life or relationship sexless. You probably meant once a month?
Quote:
Originally Posted by elijahBailey
well, er, if she ain't available, jerkin' off is an option.
If only masturbation could replace sex...
Quote:
once a year
Once a month is OK?
Quote:
Originally Posted by KnowHowLoveFeels
RP,
I think that this thread is great - if it does indeed make an impression on the 'sexless' wives. I doubt it would, though.
Thanks, but why are we talking about WIVES who don't want sex as if they are the only "sexless" gender?
I don't want people who don't want sex (with their partners) to force themselves to give them sex... I want people who are not getting it to NOT feel guilty for wanting it, to realize that they are being deprived from a very important natural want, and that this deprivation can cause the relationship to go downward spirally, destroying all the good things. It doesn't have to be anybody's fault. But people shouldn't be ashamed to stand up and say: "I am leaving you because I need sex!"
A relationship without sex is mere friendship. And if the friendship is not strong then it's co-habitation under one roof as room mates.
And one more question... what do you consider to be sexless? Once a week? Once a month? How about twice a month where YOU initiate it and your partner reluctantly accepts it?
Would you dump a partner with whom your sexual life brings you nothing but frustration?
sexless would be like once a month or less, to me.
and yes, I would end the relationship if it got to that point. why stay in a farked up relationship when you can leave and be happier alone?
I heard a joke about this very same thing this morning.
Seems that a husband came home to find his wife packing her bags. The husband asks her, "where are you going?".
The wife responds, "Well, I heard in Thailand, I can get paid $ 400.00 doing the same thing I do for you".....
Pretty soon, the wife walks into the bedroom to see her husband packing. She asks, "where are you going?".
The husband says, "I'm going with you, I want to see how you live on $ 800.00 a year".....
I could live in a sexless marriage. I wouldn't have a choice. I'm thankful it's not that way at all, but if anything were to happen, I'd stay with Mrs. Moose.
I just read an article this morning on a couple in a sexless marriage who had been married for 20 some years and had sex only once since they were married, and to my knowledge they weren't from another culture or anything where they felt this is the way it should be etc. I didn't get to finish the article but if I do I'll let you know what their deal was. I guess if 2 people agree they both could take it or leave it, then its probably not that big of an issue, but if one partner feels it is a big issue and the other doesn't then yeah theres going to be a problem.
__________________
"The problem with so many couples these days is, they are attacking each other instead of attacking the issue."
I heard a joke about this very same thing this morning.
Seems that a husband came home to find his wife packing her bags. The husband asks her, "where are you going?".
The wife responds, "Well, I heard in Thailand, I can get paid $ 400.00 doing the same thing I do for you".....
Pretty soon, the wife walks into the bedroom to see her husband packing. She asks, "where are you going?".
The husband says, "I'm going with you, I want to see how you live on $ 800.00 a year".....
I could live in a sexless marriage. I wouldn't have a choice. I'm thankful it's not that way at all, but if anything were to happen, I'd stay with Mrs. Moose.
And so you'd resign yourself to choking the chicken for the rest of your life?
I just read an article this morning on a couple in a sexless marriage who had been married for 20 some years and had sex only once since they were married, and to my knowledge they weren't from another culture or anything where they felt this is the way it should be etc. I didn't get to finish the article but if I do I'll let you know what their deal was. I guess if 2 people agree they both could take it or leave it, then its probably not that big of an issue, but if one partner feels it is a big issue and the other doesn't then yeah theres going to be a problem.
It's even bigger an issue when sex was frequent and good in the beginning and then it gets pulled away for no apparent reason.
I am talking about libido - desire to f*ck, exc use my French! When I need sex, I am not thinking about reproduction and certainly my desire doesn't go off and on depending on whether my partner bought me flowers or sent me to hell. We have a need for sex when we're single, married, in love, out of love, dumped, happy, unhappy, etc.
That isn't true of everyone, some people only crave sex under specific circumstances. Maybe someone they care about pays attention to them, maybe they're looking for a mate....
Quote:
Originally Posted by RecordProducer
Everything can be related to psychological conditions; does that mean that we should claim that hunger is a relative thing, just because you can lose your appetite in stressful conditions?
Sex isn't necessary for individual survival, food is. It can be a decent analogy though. Instinct tells us to eat a lot when we can because there may be nothing tomorrow. We (at least most of us) learn to control what and how much we eat though. Some carry eating (or not) to extremes like anorexics. Likewise, some choose a life of celibacy. Even something as important to our survival as eating is greatly influenced by psychology, we shouldn't be surprised that sex is too.
Quote:
Originally Posted by RecordProducer
One month without sex doesn't make your whole life or relationship sexless. You probably meant once a month?
Maybe a better definition of "sexless" is in order? Just me, but if my wife and I had sex once a month or more, our marriage would not be in trouble (at least in that regard.) I'd still be masturbating a few times a week, but I'd know she cared enough to at least try. When I say our marriage has been sexless for ten years though, I mean we haven't had sexual contact (at all) for ten years.
Quote:
Originally Posted by RecordProducer
A relationship without sex is mere friendship. And if the friendship is not strong then it's co-habitation under one roof as room mates.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Scrivdog
It's even bigger an issue when sex was frequent and good in the beginning and then it gets pulled away for no apparent reason.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
Linear Mode
