[510cam]

My bf broke up with me a couple months ago (things were perfectly fine with us...he ended it without warning me, b/c I was leaving town for a year and he couldnt deal with the distance. He made comments all summer about how it was going to be horrible when I left town b/c hed miss me so bad.) will he ever be able to talk to me and want to be friends while we are still livng in different towns? After a couple months of no speaking, and time to accept it and heal the wounds, why would he still be avoiding me and refusing to talk to me? Shouldnt he be able to at least TALK to me after that length of time being separated?? Especially since HE is the one who chose to separate. Why would he still be SILENT??? That seems so childish to me. Do you think he is remaining silent b/c it still hurts him to see or talk to me?? This just blows my mind. If I can forgive him and want to be at least semi-friends until we are at least living in the same town..then why cant he just speak?? HE is the one who broke MY heart. (His best friend has said that he hasnt been seeing anyone else since we broke up...so I know that isnt the reason he hasnt spoken.) What is up with this weird behavior?

[Art_Critic]

some people just deal with breakups as silence..

I have always felt it was punishment..
and have felt that sometimes people do it to withhold something from you in order to hurt you for hurting them

When I was growing up my father used to use the silent treatment on me and our family when he was mad at us..
We had to work harder to show our love to get him to speak to us..in fact sometimes he could go a month of the silent treatment.

My past is why I have an issue when someone does this to me..
It drives me insane and puts me in a defensive position where I feel I need to show my love instead of just saying FU..

The silent treatment is the only coping mechanism that I don't truly understand.. I have always tried to use communication as an effective coping mechanism not silence

Maybe someone who uses it on their SO could shed some light on this

[alphamale]

Originally Posted by Art_Critic

The silent treatment is the only coping mechanism that I don't truly understand..

the silent treatment is 2nd only to NC in terms of effectiveness.

[Great Gazoo]

Originally Posted by Art_Critic

some people just deal with breakups as silence..

I have always felt it was punishment..
and have felt that sometimes people do it to withhold something from you in order to hurt you for hurting them

When I was growing up my father used to use the silent treatment on me and our family when he was mad at us..
We had to work harder to show our love to get him to speak to us..in fact sometimes he could go a month of the silent treatment.

My past is why I have an issue when someone does this to me..
It drives me insane and puts me in a defensive position where I feel I need to show my love instead of just saying FU..

The silent treatment is the only coping mechanism that I don't truly understand.. I have always tried to use communication as an effective coping mechanism not silence

Maybe someone who uses it on their SO could shed some light on this

Man I know how you feel. My dad did the same thing to me and my family. Sometimes it really effects my life. I have seen my dad go just about a month without talking to anyone. My record was 6 months without talking to him, at the time I left the country and went and worked for a custom harvest crew. I used to drink way too much and live like I didn't care. A couple times it drove me to seriously think about suicide because yeah it drives you crazy, it made me feel so small and worthless. I work with my dad alot still and when he gets mad I almost seem like I am a child again, even though he doesn't really get mad anymore my feelings just go back to when I was younger.

I find myself sometimes even doing this to my wife now and have to just about give myself a slap. Lucky for me my wife knows about my past with my dad and the big silent treatment so it doesn't bother her, she knows it will only last a couple hours but the odd time I have made her cry over it.

I would think the BF might be doing this to try and hurt you because he thinks in some way you abandon him and he wants to get even or he might even be doing this to punish himself. I know sometimes I feel like talking to nobody and just suck up the pain in silence and sit in self pity. For me it would be both I guess, my thinking is probably I will sit here and be miserable and I hope you feel the same kinda thinking.

[whichwayisup]

In a relationship to use the silent treatment is the most disrespectful thing in the world. To PURPOSELY ignore someone says alot. It's just an awful thing to experience, and an awful thing to do to someone.

Especially since HE is the one who chose to separate. Why would he still be SILENT???,

He's moved on, and his NON words are telling you he doesn't want to see/speak to you again. Yes, I know it hurts, but there isn't alot you can do about it. Once someone moves on, decides it's over, well - It's over.

All I can tell ya is, it's best for you not to pursue a friendship with him at all. If you do, you'll just end up hurting yourself more.

The best revenge? Living well. Heal and move on, find a man who isn't going to treat you like crap.

[catgirl1927]

Why are you trying to contact him? Sure, he broke up, but he was obviously hurt by it. What do you want from him?

I don't think it's as much that he's giving you the silent treatment as that he's moved on.

I agree though that the silent treatment is stupid and immature.