How's it goin everyone, I was just hopin to get some advice on my situation.
I've been a friend with this girl for about 3 or 4 years. We've done a lot together with other friends and rank her as a good close friend on my list. We know a lot about each other cause we provide an ear during each others tough times.
Anyway, yesterday, I was at a carnival with her and some other buddies, for all Australians, Perth Royal Show. During the day, out of completely nowhere while we were watching some farm animal judging, she just happens to tell me that she has fallen for me, has liked me for a while and thinks we should get together.
Now, if I was say one of my friends, I'd probably be like, yeah, sure, why not, we got along great but since I'm different (I'm asexual), I'm not interested at all in entering into a relationship with anyone. The more puzzling thing is, SHE KNOWS THIS AND KNOWS THIS VERY WELL!!! So after the day out was over, I sit here thinking, why would she say such a thing, how exactly does she expect me to respond to that etc. We're both 20 and now I'm tryin to think of a way to kinda, you know, as the saying goes, let her down gently while preserving our friendship cause I really do value her friendship.
I'm thinkin she is playing mind games with me a bit cause she likes to play around like that but it wouldn't be like her to do that kinda stuff with a subject such as this. I dunno but anyway, any advice on how to gather some sense and relieve the situation?
let her down gently while preserving our friendship cause I really do value her friendship.
I suggest you gently remind her of this:
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Now, if I was say one of my friends, I'd probably be like, yeah, sure, why not, we got along great but since I'm different (I'm asexual), I'm not interested at all in entering into a relationship with anyone.
If I understand asexual correctly, the extent of a relationship with you would be an awful lot like your friendship. If she know this too... I'm wondering has she had a bad relationship recently? Maybe she is trying to avoid romantic relationships for a while...
On the other hand, some people like a challenge - - maybe she thinks she can change you, y'know, "for your own good." Which, being that you are asexual, sets her up for disappointment.
If she is playing head games - that's not a very good friend. You are who you are. If she is doing this to mess with you, I think that's cruel.
Yeah thanks for the advice Grateful, according to her, her last boyfriend was about 9 or 10 months ago, didn't last very long between the two, only reason I know is because as I said, we both lend ears to each other very often so we know a lot about each others lives.
Anyway, I gave her a ring today since I wanted to tackle the issue as soon as possible and felt she deserved the explanation as soon as possible. Let's say, it kinda didn't end as I hoped. She picked up the phone and after hello, how are you doing etc etc, I was pretty much straight to the point.
I basically told her what I had said in my first post about why she told me and asked over such a thing when she knows full well about my sexuality. She replied with something along the lines of, oh come on, there are homosexuals and bisexuals there's no such thing as asexuality, it's pretty much secluded to those guys and girls who aren't getting enough hormones in their system, are in denial about their techniques to find a partner or have had some very bad experiences in their life and through not wanting to be hurt again or truama, convince themselves that they are in fact asexual.
She's a relatively smart girl, knows a lot but I didn't appreciate how she was reacting in questioning how I think about the whole situation. We debated a bit and in the end, it ended with her pretty much saying, look, you say to the rest of the boys and girls, you are always willing to try anything once (I am for most things ) so here is your chance to get your first girlfriend and possibly something more. It's up to you to which I replied with a simple yeah and a friendly goodbye.
So now I'm just comprehending the whole situation and trying to squeeze out all the awkwardness...
Anyway I was reading up the other thread that you posted about being a virgin.. In in you mentioned that you do masturbate. That alone equals being sexual. So I don't think you're Asexual, just that you're probably not attracted to that particular girl. Are there some types of girls that attract you? I'm not asking if you spend your time sitting outside on a bench and drooling at every pair of glues that walk by, but is there a certain type of girl that you have in your mind that is attractive to you?
I'm bringing this up because I believe that before you start looking for solutions to your problem with this girl, and how to handle the situation, it is important to identify correctly what the problem is. And I happen to doubt that you are indeed Asexual as you say you are.
Asexuality - Where a person has no desire for either gender and therefore, doesn't usually engage in sexual action
Grateful put it right when she said that a relationship with me would be very similar to a friendship with me, no intimacy really of any kind. As for if there is any type of guy/girl that attracts me, no otherwise I wouldn't be calling myself asexual .
I've never felt "love" or lust (I'm 20) for any gender and while I can't find the post that you explain, I do remember saying I do masturbate very rarely. While I won't say what I do think of, I will say it's not men or women and it's nothing that weird, I hope anyway
I can't fathom what you could think about besides a man or woman while masturbating that wouldn't be weird. I gotta know, man!
That is not to say that just about everyone thinks of something "weird" when masturbating, so I am not using that term perjoratively. I once rubbed one out thinking of Mrs. Garrett on "Facts Of Life." Now that is weird...
Is that to say that you are just going through the "motions" (har har) when you do masturbate? Do you not feel anything at all? Can you feel anything? And when you say that you dont fantasize about men or women, are we talking something of the animal persuasion here?
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I will say it's not men or women
Could it be a herm or she-he then? or is that the same thing?
I........ think you need to see "somebody"
and by "somebody" I mean entity with pill-prescribing powers
I think you might want to see "something," for instance this website asexuality.org, so that you can be more sensitive to Starr1's identity.
to Starr1:
It sounds like she was trying to change you, i.e. saw you as a challenge. Maybe you could give her some literature on asexuality (or point her towards that website) so she will stop thinking of it as something that you will "grow out of."
Last edited by grateful; 6th October 2006 at 4:14 PM.
Is that to say that you are just going through the "motions" (har har) when you do masturbate? Do you not feel anything at all? Can you feel anything? And when you say that you dont fantasize about men or women, are we talking something of the animal persuasion here?
Could it be a herm or she-he then? or is that the same thing?
has it ever occurred to you that people aren't only turned on by living organisms??
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) so here is your chance to get your first girlfriend and possibly something more. It's up to you to which I replied with a simple yeah and a friendly goodbye. 
Um, excuse the ignorance but......... explain Asexual?
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