Thank you for taking the time to provide some advice to me. I could really use it right now....

I have been going out with this guy for about 4 months. He has his own place and I have mine. I have a child so I am limited to going to his house a lot of the time. Anyway, at first we spent a lot of time together. He would come over to my house in the evenings and would spend the night most of the time. Then slowly but surely things have cooled way down. I started asking him all the time why he wasn't spending that much time w/ me. It would always end up in this long drawn out discussion because I was feeling insecure. He would get upset that I was always asking so many questions and doubting him. I would call him all the time asking him to come over etc...

Now I have changed my tune. I DON'T call him anymore. If he wants to talk to me he calls. Which now he calls everyday but we are still stuck in this mode where we don't see each other much. He says that he loves me and that we are still bf/gf but we hardly ever see each other. I don't ask to see him anymore and don't have those insecurity conversations anymore and I don't know what else to do. When you have a gf aren't you suppose to spend a substantial amount of time with them? He says he loves me and misses me but makes no effort. What should I do at this point???????

[Tony T]

There is no stated formula for how much time two people who love each other and care about each other should spend together. But it is pretty standard for them to spend a tad more time than the two of you are.

You shouldn't have to beg your boyfriend to come visit you. Frankly, the situation you now describe...in my opinion...puts you out of the boyfriend and girlfriend category. You are now basically phone friends.

Let him know exactly how you feel, very nicely. Let him know that the relationship has evolved into something you are not fulfilled by. Let him know you are hurt that he makes no effort to see you. Then, assess his response.

If his response is not to your satisfaction, let him know you desire to remain phone buddies but you are now going to be open to some fully certified, in-person ROMANCE, including hugging, kissing, messing around, Sxx, the whole nine yards.

This guy is jerking your chain. It wouldn't surprise me if he has something else going on. Another possiblity is a medical or psychological problem. In any case, he has to deal with it. You have to deal with him as he relates to you.

This relationship sounds too frustrating and even though you don't talk about your insecurity to him, you still feel insecure. I don't blame you. He is not giving you enough reassurance that he really loves you. He definitely needs to spend more time with you for you to be happy. But you cannot force him to do this. All you can do is let him know that you are not happy with seeing him as little as you do and that perhaps you might start looking for someone else that can give you what you want.

There is no stated formula for how much time two people who love each other and care about each other should spend together. But it is pretty standard for them to spend a tad more time than the two of you are. You shouldn't have to beg your boyfriend to come visit you. Frankly, the situation you now describe...in my opinion...puts you out of the boyfriend and girlfriend category. You are now basically phone friends. Let him know exactly how you feel, very nicely. Let him know that the relationship has evolved into something you are not fulfilled by. Let him know you are hurt that he makes no effort to see you. Then, assess his response. If his response is not to your satisfaction, let him know you desire to remain phone buddies but you are now going to be open to some fully certified, in-person ROMANCE, including hugging, kissing, messing around, Sxx, the whole nine yards.

This guy is jerking your chain. It wouldn't surprise me if he has something else going on. Another possiblity is a medical or psychological problem. In any case, he has to deal with it. You have to deal with him as he relates to you.

If his feelings were sincere then he would be knocking at your door. Love is an action. His words do not match his behaviour.