[UT_longhorn]

We broke up 2 months ago. NC for pretty much the 2 months, except one day 5 weeks ago.

She had blocked me on chat. I blocked her as well. I unblocked her yesterday for some odd reason, and there she was online, she had unblocked me.

We spoke. It was friendly. We cleared up some misunderstandings. We caught up on whats been going on in each of our lives. I told her Im pretty good. She kept asking if I was over everything. I said yes (even though I am not). I told her I am so busy these days. That I am excited about my new project in DC. Basically I guess I came off across as doing well. (Which is pretty much the case). She told me some of the things that she was doing, and I told her that Im very glad that she is doing so well and happy. We had some more conversation and kind of wrapped up saying if we see each other out next time, we dont have to act like awkward strangers.

The chat was good overall but a bit strained. Chatting with her is not something that I plan to do with her for a long time. I think I'm going to have to put her on block again. Although I was proud of how I handled the conversation...my emotions are now killing me again. Im not back at square one, but I do feel like a few huge steps backwards.

I guess I thought I could handle the friend thing after 2 months. but I am wrong. Im not ready. I really was doing very well until this.

Guys/girls - please think long and hard before you have any sort of contact. it really is like scratching at a healing wound. It will open right back up.

[not_myself]

I have been split with my ex for about 3 months - mostly NC - and I also broke it today...

Friendly back and forth via email, and I feel fine, better. However - while I am not completely over him I am in control of my feelings and resolved that we just dont work - so I guess my situtaion is a little different.

Also we have broken up about 3 times over the past few years - so I guess I am also getting good at it I am also probably a bit older than a few people on here

I believe what most say about NC, but everyone is different about it. For me - it is better for me to be able to be civil and on good terms with the man I spent 1.5 years loving and caring for, then to pretend like each other doesnt exist.

[Simons]

Originally Posted by not_myself

I have been split with my ex for about 3 months - mostly NC - and I also broke it today...

Friendly back and forth via email, and I feel fine, better. However - while I am not completely over him I am in control of my feelings and resolved that we just dont work - so I guess my situtaion is a little different.

Also we have broken up about 3 times over the past few years - so I guess I am also getting good at it I am also probably a bit older than a few people on here

I believe what most say about NC, but everyone is different about it. For me - it is better for me to be able to be civil and on good terms with the man I spent 1.5 years loving and caring for, then to pretend like each other doesnt exist.

I wonder what CaliGuy will say about this???

[CaliGuy]

Originally Posted by Simons

I wonder what CaliGuy will say about this???

We're human so I am not going to chastise him.

Actually UT, you did well and took a step in the right direction. Though she may have just wanted her own guilt absolved by making sure "you are ok", in a way you probably did more good than harm.

1. You showed you were strong.
2. You showed her that she doesn't have a hold on you (even if you think she does, what you proved was you are stronger than you think).
3. You are the bigger man because you didn't hammer her as far as questions go.

Not sure who had initiated the contact first, if it was you, that's what you want to avoid. Let HER initiate it. You can pick and choose what you want to respond to. That puts YOU in the driver's seat.

I fully believe in No Foolin's brand of NC. There comes a time for strict NC and then later down the road, once you have HEALED, then you can decide, should the ex contact you, what you wish to do.

[Ariadne]

1. You showed you were strong.
2. You showed her that she doesn't have a hold on you (even if you think she does, what you proved was you are stronger than you think).
3. You are the bigger man because you didn't hammer her as far as questions go.

People..... Can you just be real?

1) Why do you have to prove to someone you are "strong"? What's the big deal? You are what you are. And if you are feeling weak, then you are feeling weak. Nothing wrong with that.

2) What is that supposed to mean "a hold"? I don't think that anyone wants to hold anyone in this situation. It's a sad situation. And if you are not over her then say so. There's nothing wrong with that or shame in that either.

3) What bigger man are you talking about? Who is measuring a bigger man? Can you just be polite and if you want to know something just ask?

I just don't understand people sometimes.

I must be weird or something...

Ariadne

[CaliGuy]

Originally Posted by Ariadne

1) Why do you have to prove to someone you are "strong"? What's the big deal? You are what you are. And if you are feeling weak, then you are feeling weak. Nothing wrong with that.

He needs to prove it to himself.

2) What is that supposed to mean "a hold"? I don't think that anyone wants to hold anyone in this situation. It's a sad situation. And if you are not over her then say so. There's nothing wrong with that or shame in that either.

It's part of the healing and improvement process.

3) What bigger man are you talking about? Who is measuring a bigger man? Can you just be polite and if you want to know something just ask?

It's not as simple as you make it seem to be. Kind of hard to explain but there's a self-respect/self-confidence/self-improvement issue here that really is of great stake.

I just don't understand people sometimes.

I must be weird or something...

Ariadne

Nah, we're just different people and see the world through different eyes.