How upset would you be about a 13 year old boy viewing porn - and I don't mean naked women, but actual graphic pornography - on the internet? What would you do about it?
I take it this is your son? What sort of introduction did you give him to sexuality in general, and at what age? He could either be curious over something that to him is a taboo subject, or he is finding that it is supercharging a pleasure center he didn't know he had. You'll want to sit him down and talk to him about why porn is not allowed in your household, and set firm rules about it.
Either way - you will want to stop it - not because you want to control his sexuality, but you want him to learn respect for rules in your household. As long as he is under your roof, if porn is a no-no then he needs to respect that and follow your rules on that, with appropriate punishments (which you will need to unwaveringly follow through on).
For example:
If you catch him, let him know that you understand that he is curious about sex but that the rules of your house do not allow for porn, and he needs to follow those rules or there will be serious repurcussions (warning).
If you catch him again, let him know that you understand that he is curious about sex, but that since he has broken your trust you will have to move the computer to a more high traffic area of the house. (level 1 punishment)
If you catch him again, let him know that you understand that he is curious about sex, but he needs to respect the rules of the house - and that since he has broken your trust again, the computer will be password protected, and he can only use it under supervision. (level 2 punishment)
If you catch him again, tell him that you are disappointed that he has not respected the rules of the house, and that his computer priviledges are revoked for X amount of time. (level 3 punishment)
After that, he has to work his way back up in reverse order, gaining more priviledge the more he works to regain your trust. You can't stop a kid that age from being curious about sex. There is nothing wrong with being curious about sex and perhaps you and he will need to talk a bit about that and the difference between healthy sexuality and the fantasy world of porn and how that can have effects on healthy sexuality ranging from titillating to pathological depending on the person. Regardless of that - he needs to know that its a matter of him respecting your rules, and it is not a punishment for his sexual curiosity.
__________________ ...they think everything is smiles and sweetness and flowers, when there is something bitter to taste. And to pretend there isn't is foolish. -- edie sedgwick
Internet porn is much more dangerous for young boys than looking at nudey magazines. It's much more 'real' than just pictures.
LB gave some great advice.
Explain to him the differences between net porn and looking at pictures. He may/may not identify with that but hopefully he will. I'm not saying that looking at the magazines are any better than porn, but there is a big difference of the affect it will have on him.
Personnally, I shutter to think of my kids getting ideas or values from perfect strangers - especially about important issues. AND especially when these strangers are allowing the ability for a MINOR to access their site. It shows their priorities, their greed and their lack of responsibility.
Then, I'd block that type of material with a password.
Hey Sheba,
It is funny you should make a post about this because last yr my ss that was 14 had been viewing porn on the internet for awhile and had seen it in the history files .. I said something to my h about it and he didn't believe me and finally it came out it was true and it had been a struggle noone believed that this pefect son was doing anything.. I had been arguing with my h about this for months and finally he was busted when my daughter found a not so nice pic of a girl in his room ..My daughter was 4 and brings this pic into me and says mommy look what i found in brother's room she went in there to find paper he keeps to draw in there .. I was furious and when h came home nothing was done like usual and im not surprized nothing ever is .. My h gave him a talking to and that was it...
As for the picture we found out this boy was bringing them to school and ss said he was going to throw it away .. I felt if he was he wouldn't have brought it in the house .. i didn't buy it one bit!!! He wanted it or he wouldn't have put it in his room..SS started going to church when he was caught so he wouldn't be punished for it after his grounding was over he never went back!! He always was going to something during the week for church and i was furious ... He wanted to use church so that he could still do things .. He milked it for everything it was worth and in turn after groundation was over it didn't matter to him ..
I know it is the age but if he was my son things would have been different !! H finally seen he was using church because he was tlaking about getting saved and this and that .. Guess what it is a yr later and he doesn't go to the church anymore and i dona't think he will .. So yeah i think internet porn is far worse than magazines or anything else cause it is visual and it not just pics they use things and do weird things than what magazines have..
Thank you for your replies. Lucretia, I agree with you entirely. The child in question is my stepson. He lives with us half time. Recently, his mother bought him a lap top which he brings to our house. He used the lap top to visit porn sites - he is well aware I check our household computer often and that computer is in the middle of the high traffic spot of the house. He even knows I keep the computer out in the open to supervise the kids and is well aware of the household prohibition on visiting porn sites. The sites he visited are fetishistic and very disturbing. I shudder to think how jaded he will become without even actually having sex!
I am somewhat appalled that he was given a computer with no thought to what sites he might visit - I think that a "Net Nanny" program ought to be installed. In any case, using time off the computer is a perfect consequence and one that will have great meaning to this kid as he spends virtually every waking minute on that lap top!
It is hard to be a "co parent" as you are forever comparing your approach to someone else's and wondering who is right when you differ. I am glad that I am not the only one who sees this behaviour as something to be curtailed.
How upset would you be about a 13 year old boy viewing porn - and I don't mean naked women, but actual graphic pornography - on the internet? What would you do about it?
I was looking at porn when I was thirteen, but we did not have internet porn then. I had to hunt down the magazines and VHS tapes my father had hidden throughout the house. In my early teens, every single friend of mine did the same thing.
What your son is doing is completely normal. If you try to prevent him from getting his porn he will simply find another way to get it. I know I did.
Imagine how damaging it would be to your son's development if you, his mother, made a big deal about him looking at porn. Food for thought. Let your boy be a boy. If you have to talk to him about anything, just explain that what he sees in porn is not how real life is.
I'm sorry but i don't agree with you.. I think the stuff on the internet makes women look trashy and not respected !! You let your kids do whatever but as for mine they won't be looking at it!! The computer will be shutdown so there will be no access to it when we aren't home!!! I understand that it is normal to be curious but that can lead to other things !! If he is so curious about the human anatomy of a women he can watch discovery !!
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
Hybrid Mode
