[RainyDayWoman]

i am 24. i am still in college.

i spent 4 years (without graduating) in college. i hated it. HATED IT. if i could have selective amnesia for those 4 years, i would, it was that bad.

i was afraid to tell my parents, but when i found out i would be there a fifth year (because of bad advising, freaking a-holes) i broke down and told them. i couldn't go back. i would have ended my life, had i been there another year. i didn't tell them that, of course, but i know i never would have made it. i was 22 at that point.

i took a year and i guess a half off.

now i'm 24, i am back in school at a place i love. i love the curriculum, the professors, my classmates, everything. it couldn't be a better experience, really, and as much as i felt like a loser for "quitting", it was worth it.

but here's the thing...my parents pay for it. actually, they pay for everything, from my rent, bills, my books, my car and health and life insurance, everything. my food. my "going out" expenses. they volunteer to do this, it's not my asking. they prefer i focus on my schoolwork and not worry about working for 5 bucks an hour. i could "work" for my father (he owns a big insurance company) but it would be kind of...fake. so to me, it's like, what's the point?

people think this is the life...and i guess to some people, it is. but i think it's making me feel useless. when people ask me how i pay for school, i almost want to lie and say i had grants or something.

as much as i am grateful that they "help" me, i feel like i am just prolonging adulthood. i deal with adult situations everyday (as well as in the past, not everything has been so rosy, but nothing to do with my family.) but not adult situations like normal people have.

i think i just feel like as many aspirations as i have, as far as i want to go (law school, at this point) that i will never get there. maybe it's just self-doubt...because i do know i'll get there...maybe it's the motivation part...

is there anyone is in this position, like the same as me? i know i am fortunate to have these opportunites (and if i am ever in the position to do so, i want to start a scholarship program to pass on the "luckiness" for someone deserving.) but i kind of feel like, am i in school to prolong the so-called easy years? am i a female van wilder? should i just give up and work, even though i don't really know how?

it's just, i see all these people, they have jobs, and families, and mortgages, and i don't know HOW THE F*UCK THEY DO IT! and i think "i never could, never."

is anyone in the same situation as me?

just for the record, i've made a 4.0 since i started back at my new school (as of fall 04.) but i like it, and that makes all the difference.

i guess i just need a word or 3 of encouragement from an adult student who may be (slightly) in my shoes........