Originally posted by brokenheart_ihave
Does nobody have any good advice for getting rid of the sickness feeling though? I keep going round my house, trying to busy myself with anything but the interest only lasts a couple minutes!
There is no cure.
This is pain that God allows us all to feel so that we learn from this experience and remember that pain the next time we get involved with someone.
Only time will heal your wounds. If you are a Chrisitian, pray for God to heal your heart. I am going through the same thing. The only thing you can do is speed up your "perception" of time by hanging out with friends, engrossing in your hobbies, watching TV or doing whatever you can to keep your mind off your ex.
You will heal over time but the scar will always remain as a reminder of the pain you felt. And hopefully you've learned enough from this pain that whatever mistakes you made will not be repeated.
Good luck.
PS: Grieving is natural. Losing someone you love to someone else like I did is almost harder than losing someone who loved you and died. At least you know they loved you. In my case, she left me for someone else. What a blow to my self-confidence and self-esteem. And I was too naive to notice she was drifting away....
Last edited by ConfusedInOC; 7th June 2005 at 4:55 PM..
brokenheart, I recommend taking soothing broths (like chicken broth), soft digestible food like yogurt and white bread, in small amounts, and no alcohol, until you get your feet back under you.
__________________ Heavily medicated for your safety.
Originally posted by brokenheart_ihave
Does nobody have any good advice for getting rid of the sickness feeling though? I keep going round my house, trying to busy myself with anything but the interest only lasts a couple minutes!
I broke up on Sunday and I have that sick feeling too... and its a horrible feeling. The only times it has left me is when I haven't been thinking about my situation or when I have been asleep!
I did a whole lot of reading last night on mending relationships - I even hightlighted parts to remember, and I didn't have that quesy feeling then.
As soon as I think about him, and wonder what he's doing, I feel sick! Exercise, sleeping, and not thinking are the best things for you. Engross yourself in a movie (no romance, no sad songs, not one you watched together), talk to some people - your friends, your mum about THEIR lives to distract you. Browse some internet dating sites - see what other gorgeous girls are there for you to meet, or even put up a profile of your own and try and meet some new friends...
Originally posted by SoleMate
brokenheart, I recommend taking soothing broths (like chicken broth), soft digestible food like yogurt and white bread, in small amounts, and no alcohol, until you get your feet back under you.
yes yogurt! that's what helped me.....also bananas, any kind of fruit really, like cantalope, watermelon, mmmm vegetables too!. I had a really hard time w/ meat.....Love sickness is sooo strange, it's like a withdrawal, terrible. I lost like 10 pounds....me and my ex are back together though..its funny......he said he was eating waaay more to get over the breakup...is that normal?
yes definitely tell us how youre' coping...i know how it is, believe me. You'll get through it. My first bf broke up w/ me when I was like 16...it was my first feeling of a breakup, and it was sooo scary! I didn't think I would ever get through it, but I did!!! Time will heal. You will look back and feel indifferent, its' beatiful, and believe me you have way more of a chance of finding someone new than I have always.....I'm in a religion with only 6 million worldwide and can only date in "the faith" haha
Thanks guys!
I'm feeling a lot better today - actually went out n played pool and (uh oh) did drink a little beer and felt a little drunk, not much though, and I do feel better!! I realised that sitting round on a computer or moping around at home is no good for you - go out, have some fun with friends, and look at other girls and maybe even try hitting on them. It really does help, and it made me realise I was being held back by my girlfriend before - not that she herself was holding me back, but that because I was with her, I was complacent to have her as my only friend - BIG mistake, even if you have a gf, get some friends - its surprising how easy if you contact some old contacts or people at work/uni/school and ask them to go out for a drink (n bring along neother friends), it totally takes your mind off of it, and not just that, you get past it, you realise that she should be with whoever makes her happy, and you should be open minded - then you'll be able to find other women, hell even if its just sleeping round, as long as you're being safe and having fun, its really worth taking that step!
I managed to keep all my food down so far today! And I'm still hungry! Ate pasta and now I'm gonna have a meat sandwhich. So it definetly is a good cure (making friends) - In my case my girlfriend was my substitute for having friends, and loosing her meant I lost all my friends (cos she was the only one), so now making some friends is filling that gap and I feel a lot happier - you lot should try that too - dont be afraid to contact old friends (NOT ex gf's/bf's) and ask if they want to have a drink or something, you'd be surprised, most people are happier to get more friends - what's the worst they can say? no. big deal, if they say no then they end up looking like the unsociable one. so give it a try! I reccomend breaking your daily routine, go out and do stuff - doesnt mean go out and get blathered cos that's just dumb - just means have some fun, hang with friends or hit on girls, just dont do anything nasty or illegal!!
ashley83, I think some people eat a lot when they're upset (ice-cream!) and some eat nothing, just depends on the person! No idea why. And no offense but that's a pretty sucky-religion rule!
miss-gonewest, thanks a lot! hope you're ok too, try the friends thing I said - I actually looked on online dating (well, msn white pages) but everyone looked crap and they are all old accounts anyway! best thing to do is go out, to a bar or something with a friend or two, and find (in your case) guys you like!
Solemate, whoops, guess I slipped on all accounts there! thanks neway!
ConfusedInOC, whoah, look I dont know what happened between you and your gf, but my opinion is you're being too hard on yourself - if she left you for someone, then she's the bad one, suggests if she's just with you waiting for another better guy to come along, then she either doesnt know what she wants or that she's generally not good. Even if you weren't treating her right, she should have left on principles not just because someone better comes along, that's totally immoral of her so she isnt totally innocent here buddy, dont be hard on yourself - go meet up with some old friends, spruce yourself up, try and have a good time, and then when you are having a good time, you'll cheer up - and then you're ready to go find some girls, and they really should make you realise that your last relationship cant have been that good.
After all, you say the pain is there by God? But God doesnt really randomly punish, he punishes to teach you a lesson, and IF YOU LEARN from it, then you know to move on, and then once you've learn that, say you find another girl and treat her well, then you've learnt your lesson and the pain goes away - and then you've done as god wanted (if that's what you believe)
I was complacent to have her as my only friend - BIG mistake, even if you have a gf, get some friends
EXACTLY!!!!
This is the same reason my gf of 1.5 years dumped me! As I spent more and more time with her I lost more and more friends. So, towards the end of 1.5 years I was a huge loser that did nothing on weekend nights and had no friends except my gf. And she saw how boring I was becoming and eventually found her "dream guy" while she was at bars and I was too lazy to go out. I learned the hard way too man, because I didn't see her dumping me at all, I was blindsighted. And to make matters even worse, when she dumped me I lost my only friend that I had left(her), so I was hurting really bad. And it has only been 6 weeks since she dumped me so I'm still having the occasional nightmares while I'm sleeping, and she is always the main character. I had lost 15 pounds 2 weeks after she dumped me because I could barely eat too.
At least we learned from all this pain and our next gf's won't go running off. You have to keep living life when you have a gf, and a wife too for that matter. You can't just give up your life for them and devote ALL your time to them. Let's face it, girls fall for out-going guys, you have to maintain your normal life when youre going out with someone and continue to be social and outgoing with friends. You should only make subtle changes in yourself for the relationship, don't just turn into a total loser/wimp!!!
Originally posted by niceguy69
You can't just give up your life for them and devote ALL your time to them. Let's face it, girls fall for out-going guys, you have to maintain your normal life when youre going out with someone and continue to be social and outgoing with friends. You should only make subtle changes in yourself for the relationship, don't just turn into a total loser/wimp!!!
Hey, girls do this too! I am exactly the same, and was the same with my now ex... it is easier said than done, but it CAN be done!
Here's to all of us being stronger and braver and looking after ourselves!
True. It's easy to see how all this advice works when you're on the outside looking in. When you're addicted to love(especially when you're addicted to her vagina^^), you get blinded by all the problems going on.
At least now we finally understand the heartbreak all the poets and authors and songwriters have been talking about for thousands of years lol
Good point though niceguy69, but I dont think, if you ever asked a girl (or most of them), they'd admit (to us or themselves) that they go for outgoing guys - I think they want guys with a position of authority. When you sit at home with no friends, then your the weak emotional one, and she will always feel like she's mothering you.
As creepy as this sounds - girls tend to go for guys that remind them of their own dads (not conciously!!!) - most dads are in that position of authority, of taking care of their daughter, sorting things out for them, taking them out whenever they pull that puppy-eyed face, and paying for everything - and when you are friendless, a little depressed, generally weak, then she sees you as the total opposite and looses interest - she'll feel like the "big one" - whereas if you get into a position of authority in the relationship then you'll have the power, she wouldnt leave you (unless you mistreated her a lot) because you'd have the power.
I know in my relationship, I wasnt in a position of power, I need to learn to take the lead, as it sounds like you do too!
And if the person in power, feels like their in total power, then they'll probably loose their love and interest for their partner thats weak and defenseless. Hard lesson to learn, but I've learnt it.
Brokenheart & Niceguy, I see where you are coming from... but.... I wouldn't discount a guy just because he had only a small circle of friends.
In fact, it can be a bonus in that I don't have to compete for their time and attention. And when I am in a relationship with someone, I am more than happy to share them with my friends.
I am outgoing, confident and certainly not a 'nice girl' but I don't have many friends, so who am I to judge my man for not having any?
Being complacent is different to being a nice guy or someone with a small circle of friends.
Being too lazy to go out with your girl when she wants to, is another story though...
go out, have some fun with friends, and look at other girls and maybe even try hitting on them. It really does help, and it made me realise I was being held back by my girlfriend before - not that she herself was holding me back, but that because I was with her, I was complacent to have her as my only friend - BIG mistake, even if you have a gf, get some friends -
This is soooo true. The last thing you want to do in a realtionship is make them your world. You need friends besides your SO.
Don't do the friends thing. This is just her way of feeling less guilty. She really doesn't want to be your friend. She just thinks it will be easier on you to say that, hurt you less. Bro, it would hurt you more. Do you really want to see her, hang out and have her talking about other guys to you? Get out and find some friends and women who see you as more than a friend.
Originally posted by ConfusedInOC
PS: Grieving is natural. Losing someone you love to someone else like I did is almost harder than losing someone who loved you and died. At least you know they loved you. In my case, she left me for someone else. What a blow to my self-confidence and self-esteem. And I was too naive to notice she was drifting away....
Great post CIOC.
Exactly the same thing happened to me. I carry the guilt and regret every day that I didn't see what was happening. Found out a couple days ago that my ex has gone on holiday with her new man today.
Feeling crappy today because of that - it sucks !!
I'll keep moving forward though - there's somebody out there for me somewhere I know - God willing.
Chris
__________________
"All these pieces
And promises and left behinds
If only I could see
In my nothing
You meant everything
Everything to me "
Exactly the same thing happened to me. I carry the guilt and regret every day that I didn't see what was happening. Found out a couple days ago that my ex has gone on holiday with her new man today.
Feeling crappy today because of that - it sucks !!
I'll keep moving forward though - there's somebody out there for me somewhere I know - God willing.
Chris
Luke 11:11-13
11: If a son shall ask bread of any of you that is a father, will he give him a stone? or if [he ask] a fish, will he for a fish give him a serpent?
12: Or if he shall ask an egg, will he offer him a scorpion?
13: If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children: how much more shall [your] heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to them that ask him?
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