Originally posted by moimeme
It mystifies me how someone could love having things 'their way' more than having someone around that they love. If anyone can explain it, I'd be grateful.
Because they love in their way. And their way only.
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Doubts are more cruel than the worst of truths. - Molière
The only philosophy which can be responsibly practised in face of despair is the attempt to contemplate all things as they would present themselves from the standpoint of redemption. - Adorno
You will ALWAYS hear negative and positive things about the age to get married.
There is no answer to this.
My parents were married at 19 and have celebrated their 2th anniversayr this year.
My grandparents were 17 and this is their 50th!
My girlfriend married at 23 and was divorced by 25.
My other girlfriend married at 20 and is going on 4 years now.
IF IT WERE ME. I am going to get married when I feel like it. When I feel I can spend the rest of my life with that person, even if everyday is work, come home, cook dinner and go to bed. I ask could I be with that person the rest of my life if this is how lame it will be? If the answer is yes, then go for it. Just know that every relationship whether it is a friendship or marriage wil ahve HARDSHIPS. And you cant just walk away from them.
I dont think there is right age of when to get married, its when you think the right person has come along and you're both mature enough to accept the responsibilities that come with married life.
To me age is just a number and really doesnt say much about the persons maturity level
Everyone in life makes mistakes, whats right now may not be right tomorrow.. embrace life to its fullest and live each day like it is your last. If your heart is bound to another then share that with everyone you hold dear....
Even if the worst comes to worst, always look back and smile on the times you had because then you will realise it was all worth it.
Everyone is different, trust your self and your partner and you will make the right decision!
Originally posted by zara
you are 22 and 24!! Good grief, find something else to think about besides getting married! Go travel, get a promotion, get some more 'me' time in before you become part of an 'us'. Seriously, you are far too young to worry about getting married any time soon.
I read this in another forum and I know Zara is right. But it is just so hard not to worry about marriage. A lot of my friends are getting married, and I sometimes wish I just had that in life.
I tend to think life experiences and accumulated wisdom are more important than age.
My brother settled down with his girl at 21. By then, he had been working six years, was self sufficient, had largely paid off a house and was a partner is a trade business that was thriving. They are still together, seven years later. Both had the maturity to know what they wanted by 21, and they are getting there together.
Me and my friends? It's taken us a lot longer. Most of us are in our late twenties, and we're only just beginning to get on the straight and narrow. I spent six years at university, which nicely postponed the real world and responsibilities until I was 24, and I've spent the years since trying to find a job I liked and choose a direction in life. I'm ready now, finally, as are my friends. But it would be the rare pampered college kid who knew what they wanted and who they wanted and had enough independent living experience to marry before 25, and an even rarer highschooler (and I say 'rare', not 'unkown'!)
I think it's typical to be on your own for 17 years it's hard to do things differently. MY BF is 6'8 and a 3x my bed is small so I have to sleep on my side, no room to lay on my tummy. He is messy and I am not. He blares the TV. He snores and I have heard silence for the past few years. He, in little ways changes my environment and it takes getting used to. I'm sure many of these things like the snoring, one day I will miss if it isn't next to me. But right now it, along with many things takes getting used to.
I don't have to think everything someone does is adorable. I am sure I do annoying things too. It doesn't mean we are selfish and could care less for one another. You both said you are mystified. It's not selfishness, it's change and reality sometimes it's not all smitten moments.
Last edited by Groovy; 2nd April 2005 at 12:54 PM..
Originally posted by Groovy
I don't have to think everything someone does is adorable. I am sure I do annoying things too. It doesn't mean we are selfish and could care less for one another. You both said you are mystified. It's not selfishness, it's change and reality sometimes it's not all smitten moments.
I can really relate to this myself. It took a lot of adjusting for me, when I first lived with my fiance.
It's not that you care more about your own selfish pursuits, than having that person there. It's that it actually is hard to change your habits and let things go, and adjust to someone elses. It can be uncomfortable, challenging and difficult to do so. Sometimes, those feelings, along with the desire for control, can be quite strong, and even overwhelming sometimes. It takes effort to get them under control, and focus on changing, adapting, and of course, focussing on oving and appreciating the partner in your life. The older you are, and the longer you have lived alone, the harder it can be, I do agree with that. Perhaps it also depends on your personality type and how you're wired. Obviously, I am fairly intense, and a control freak, so maybe I found it harder than some would.
As for marriage, personally I think 25 and upwards... younger than that you have a lot of growing to do. Of course, some marry at 21 and live happily ever after, so it is still dependent on the two people involved.
But it is just so hard not to worry about marriage. A lot of my friends are getting married, and I sometimes wish I just had that in life.
It's not like a car - something you get because 'everybody else has one'. Maybe some of your friends are getting married for that reason, too. And their marriages may not last so don't be envying them.
when the time is right it will come into your life, if it is meant to
I had a list of things I thought I would have done by the time I was 30. Some of them I have done, others I havent. I have also done a whole heap of things I didnt plan. Bottom line, my list of things aside, my life so far has been good and fulfilling. Now, I may imagine where I will be when I hit 40. Odds are, I will be someplace different to the one I imagine. And that's OK.
POint being, life has a funny way of turning corners. Marriage and other things can't always be planned when we think they should happen, and they dont always turn up on cue either. but other things happen in the meantime, and they are often great.
Hey I married when I was 20. We have been married almost a year now. If someone asked me what the right age is I would say when it feels right. Only you know if you are mature enough to handle the challenges being married can bring. I love my husband. We have been together for four years and I can't imagine not having him next to me. We work everyday to keep our marriage going strong. It is a lot of work but when you find the right person at the end of everyday all that work is well worth it.
After you've gotten an education (beyond high school, and not necessarily college), a job, and developed your own sense of self. In other words, after 25. Not everyone matures by then, but I don't think people should get married earlier than then, no matter how mature they say they are. Focus on your own life for a while. Your biological clock doesn't stop ticking in your 20's, unless you're really unfortunate.
I'm 26 and my boyfriend is 31. I would like to get married and I feel ready to, but this time last year I was not ready. I wanted to settle down a bit and feel like I was earning a reasonable amount of money and could cope with the stresses of working cause I only started working the beginning of last year. Now I must just wait til my boyfriend feels ready. I would say though that any age is the right age to marry provided that you are ready to commit to someone and make the effort to make it work. That requires a fair amount of emotional maturity which some people don't have when they are 50 and some never have, but which some 18 year olds may have.
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Go for it if you want ti.
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