I go by what people Do, rather than what they Say in making rational judgment and trust my Gut Feeling, not emotional feeling.
Very healthy to have this attitude. I agree with you 100% in the way of looking at things.
I'm real sorry to hear this and how she's been trying to fool you.
It's like she is believing her own lies and fooling herself too! She obviously isn't thinking like she used to and has no real comprehension of wtf she is doing to you and your children!!
Don't give up. Hire a PI if you have to.
I don't doubt the love she has for you...She just has more important priorities in her sights, that seems obvious.
This trip and March break?? GO anyway. Doesn't have the room for you?? That has to be a crock of crap right there. Reading this stuff is peeving me off - I feel for ya on this one. Wow.
After so many years together why would you care who she bangs ?
Marital sex is a lot like peanut butter sandwiches on wonder bread, it's cheap,availble in large quantities and 24/7 but it's sooo boring that many people would rather go hungry than eat it
Why not be glad that she's banging somebody else so that you no longer have to be bothered ? Go out and get yourself some nice,young,yummy,lucious tight strange stuff.
After so many years together why would you care who she bangs ?
Marital sex is a lot like peanut butter sandwiches on wonder bread, it's cheap,availble in large quantities and 24/7 but it's sooo boring that many people would rather go hungry than eat it
Why not be glad that she's banging somebody else so that you no longer have to be bothered ? Go out and get yourself some nice,young,yummy,lucious tight strange stuff.
Yeah, right. Sure. Nice words of advice there mymojo.
Great way to bring the kids up and let them see how their Mommy and Daddy handle problems. Marriage consists more than just banging in bed. There's alot more going on than just that.
Originally posted by whichwayisup
Yeah, right. Sure. Nice words of advice there mymojo.
Great way to bring the kids up and let them see how their Mommy and Daddy handle problems. Marriage consists more than just banging in bed. There's alot more going on than just that.
Sex, particularly in long term marriages is quite BORING
and fidelity is way over rated and over valued. I think it's far better to simply not concern oneself with who your spouse might be sleeping with as long as they are reasonably discrete.
I think the OP should just go out and get himself some young poonannie and not concern himself with what his middle aged wife is doing,unless of course she's breaking the bank in order to pay a guy to do her.
As far as the kids are concerned, why not teach them the truth ?
that marriage involves tons of hard work and loads and loads of sacrifice and like all things that require hard work and sacrifice
marriage isn't much fun and really isn't fufilling.
Sex, particularly in long term marriages is quite BORING
and fidelity is way over rated and over valued. I think it's far better to simply not concern oneself with who your spouse might be sleeping with as long as they are reasonably discrete.
I think the OP should just go out and get himself some young poonannie and not concern himself with what his middle aged wife is doing,unless of course she's breaking the bank in order to pay a guy to do her.
Well if both parties agree to that FINE...But most married couples do not agree to that!
Quote:
As far as the kids are concerned, why not teach them the truth ?
that marriage involves tons of hard work and loads and loads of sacrifice and like all things that require hard work and sacrifice
marriage isn't much fun and really isn't fufilling.
Yeah you explain that to a 5 year old.
If you want to start your own thread go for it and I'm sure many would love to jump in and share their thoughts on this.
I don't think you are helping Niceguymojo here at all with what you're saying. I could be wrong, but I doubt it.
Originally posted by whichwayisup
Yeah, right. Sure. Nice words of advice there mymojo.
Great way to bring the kids up and let them see how their Mommy and Daddy handle problems. Marriage consists more than just banging in bed. There's alot more going on than just that.
[QUOTE]Originally posted by whichwayisup
Just keep at her...She will eventually crack. Here's a recent thread 'another big lie' for you to read. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t58615/
Very healthy to have this attitude. I agree with you 100% in the way of looking at things.
I'm real sorry to hear this and how she's been trying to fool you.
It's like she is believing her own lies and fooling herself too! She obviously isn't thinking like she used to and has no real comprehension of wtf she is doing to you and your children!!
Don't give up. Hire a PI if you have to.
I don't doubt the love she has for you...She just has more important priorities in her sights, that seems obvious.
Talk to her tonight, Now the "Retreat" as its Termed is more like something else along the lines of like a Pre grand opening from what i was told and times have changed to 9-2 on Sat from what she told me? Keep getting the (BS) double talk. The 2-9 Sat schedule was meant to discourage me from coming and paying for extra night.
She has no real understanding when she yells and screams to what it does to our kids. They fall victim to the abuse and when I tell her this she does not care. Even though she has the capacity to understand. They emulate everything learned from their Parents behavior. I shut down because it takes two to argue is the quick cure! Kids are just being kids as kids will be.
I broke rule #1 Never let them know you're on to them and open Your mouth! Again today I did it. The profound fact is she is believing her own lies as the truth. When you catch them one lie, there is Always More!
Not sure what her agenda is either but ME not being there is my gut feeling. Don't see much of her or my kids anymore is the bottom line the last 2 years. I want to be pro-active to stop this or at the very least get my Kids back with me!
I don't know...She really is not herself and definately not thinking with a normal head right now.
You have some tough choices to make for yourself and your kids.
I don't know if you should drag her off to marriage councilling and get someone involved in this or try to work things out or even tell her to GET out. Either way, it isn't easy.
Keep venting it out, I am not sure what else to tell you that you haven't thought of or tried before. She just isn't willing to DO anything except what she wants when she wants - and screw the rest of you. It is one thing to have that attitude with you but really not right to have that with the kids.
I guess just keep at her until she cracks. YOU need the answers.
Originally posted by whichwayisup
Well if both parties agree to that FINE...But most married couples do not agree to that!
No, most people couldn't handle anything near that remotely honest or civil.What we usually end up with is a marital situation where hubby hides
in the den half the nite beating off to "barely legal" gals on porn site
or sitting in the living room slack jawed and drooling over the tv with mimimal
interaction of any kind with wife except of course for the perfunctory,obligatory
5 minute grope once a week that supposedly represents a sex life.There's more to marriage than "banging in bed" ? sorry but without banging in bed as part of a good,healthy intimate relationship what you've got is a roomate.
At any rate,I disgress, as to the OP,what I find funny is that the OP describes an almost spanish inqusition style of constantly badgering/harping on this woman in spite of the fact that she has repeatedly denied having an affair.He then uses her shouting and getting mad as further "proof" of her guilt.
The woman isn't acting like her usual self ? so what ? people change and women as they approach mid-life often become more career centered and less family centered. A lot of women also become more self-contained,reflective,less inclined to be needing/asking for emotional support at home.In short we become much more like men in our coping/emotional style.
If a woman was posting here like the OP is there'd be men up in arms telling her to seek professional help to cope with an insecurity that was leading her to delusional jealousy. But no, since it's a man posting we get all sorts of advice on how to "break her down"
Since the OP's wife has repeated and strongly denied an affair,perhaps the OP would get further if he dropped the inquisition and focused more on asking what they might do as a couple to improve the quality of the time they spend together.
If the woman really is cheating it'll all come out in the wash anyway, if she's not and is simply undergoing a change in mental focus all the OP is going to do is to drive her further away with all of this. I can't imagine coming home after a rough day at work to be treated to this kind of crap, having it happen repeatedly would drive me right out the door.
Yes mojo...when a woman is in her twenties and more clingy and insecure, the man her life resents it. But when she's secure with herself and isn't focused ON THE MAN anymore, he gets worried and wonders if she's cheating. The old catch-22 rears its ugly head again. Men just want some mama they can ignore at will, but who will ALWAYS be there groping after them to bolster their self esteem.
if she's taking the kids with to the ranch, i doubt any hanky panky is going on. Unless she's doing the stable boy.
And niceguymojo, take mojos advice and poke a barely legal type-that usually satisifes a middle aged guys fear of rejection and loss of self esttem due to a fat belly and lack of hair. But you might have to pay for it.
Don't listen to the other 2 posters. You are married to this woman - you have a right to know what is going on. The thread that was mentioned was mine. You can look back over the other posts of mine if you like to see how I ended up where I am tonight (as I asked my H to leave).
I too had a funny feeling something was up but it was failry subconscious. When i found a fairly tame text from a woman, bells started ringing. It might sound pathetic to some people, but I have had to dig and dig for 8 months to get the truth. Nobody will understand the emotional strain caused by knowing that the person you love is lying to you.
In my case, my very worst nightmare came true. I hope things are different for you, but looking at your posts I would definitely say something is up.
Quote:
Originally posted by NiceGuyMojo
As a matter of fact.... I have many times! She clams up and throws up a wall. Then comes the smoke screen where she covers 7 subjects in one breath and comes back yelling, kicking and screaming.
This is exactly what my H did. I asked a question, he 'started' to answer it, then would quickly wander onto several unrealted subjects. Liars do this. The truth is always short and answers the question without leaving a hundred other questions hanging in the air.
I try several times to redirect the conversation back to the original subject which is infidelity and she tells me I'm crazy or it's all in your head.
My H did this too. What else are they going to say?
She also plans to car-pool with someone. What happens if that person stays over Sat night? If I were a betting person I would place everything I had on this one bet!
Find out who this person is.
Do you love me? Took a long time to get to this point. Her answers were positive and results were good but if she is involved with someone else it has no meaning.
My H was always telling me that he loved me. Even now he maintains that he has always loved me, even when he was being masturbated by this person in our car. LOL. Cheaters live in a dual world. They convince themselves that each world is separate and as long as the two never collide, it's OK.
I go by what people Do, rather than what they Say in making rational judgment and trust my Gut Feeling, not emotional feeling.
I go with this 100%. My husband SWORE on our children's lives that he had told me everything when he said they had hugged a few times. I have been through months of torture with this thing eating away at me. At times I thought I was going insane. If my gut feeling hadn't been so strong, I might have just swallowed it and things would have been 'alright' between us. What could I do? I had no proof, everytime I brought it up, he swore nothing had happened. I got the truth eventually by catching him out on a few things and then everytime he came out with a story I just said "STOP LYING". It's more difficult for you obviously as you don't have any proof at all.
I saw her take it flat out!! What the heck does that mean? Does a liar, a thief and infidelity go hand in hand? She lied to me over something Ii would have given her without any questions.
Tell her you saw her take it. Ask her what she did with it.
I told her this morning if there is anything you want to tell me THE TIME IS NOW! (very general and open) Nothing..... Looking for ways to expedite the process to save the marriage and possibly start over if it means this.
I said that so many times too. Didn't work. Liars do not admit ANYTHING unless they are forced to.
Thank You ALL for your replies so much during this difficult time. It's been a Hell-of a- ride so far but by no means is over.
I feel for you. I know exactly what it feels like.
You have the patience of a saint.
Do you have the receipt of the GC ?
If you have it check to see if the number of the card
shows on the receipt then call and find out if it was used yet
and what store it was used in. Find out if the store has
surveillance, Now armed with all the info go to her and tell her
that you had a long talk with the DOG and he said it wasn't him
because he doesn't like fly fishing he prefers a PETCO card.
That's just to let her know that you never believed her BULL****
story about the dog. Now let her know why you put that card there
and that you watch her when she took it. She must take you for a joke to
give you answer like "Dog might have stolen it!"
I don't think she takes you serious at all.
You need to think about how long you want to take this mental abuse.
As long as you back down every time she gets a fit you will be in for a long ride.
When you ask her and she starts up, Turn around go outside for 5 minutes come
back in and ask again, Do that a couple of times so that she knows that you are
getting tired and her fits are not going to work any more.
If she doesn't answer your questions when she goes to work the next day
pack her bags put them by the door and when she gets home ask her again.
If she chooses to leave then let her go. As harsh as it sounds your questions will
be answered if not by words then by her actions.
I feel for you my friend and hope all goes well for you
I almost broke my keyboard when I read this line, "Dog might have stolen it!"
__________________
Our lives improve only when we take chances - and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves.
if someone has enough courage to ask you a question seriously, then you should be brave enough to answer truthfully
everyone sees who I appear to be but only a few know the real me. you only see what i choose to show. there's so much behind my smile you just don't know
If she's having an extramarital affair it doesn't look like she's having a lot of success with that relationship either.
There are some suspicious things yes, but to me this kind of sounds like she's going bonkers, not so much an affair. And I'm fairly suspicious.
Find out the root of the problem, but wait until you have more than gut feelings to confront her-if she was developing schizophrenia you'd feel terrible by accusing her of cheating.
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