Ok the way I see it from what I read is that you really care for this person......and I know this is not what you want to hear, but you are going to have to give her some time to get over this relationship no matter how bad it was, she obviously had feelings for him if she moved in with the loser! But now that she doesn't live with him...you could be the supportive shoulder to cry on as much as it will kill you!! I know you have been waiting a long time already, but while you were waiting she was in a relationship...now she's not and she will need time to sort through her mind...you don't want to be the rebound guy, we all know that NEVER lasts!!! So just give her some space and let her know you are there to help her in any way and that you have no problem waiting for her because she is worth it! Tell her you will give her space if she needs it or all of your time if she needs that........just let her know that she is 1st on your priority list and you will wait and understand the time she needs will only make her a stronger person. I believe everyone meets people for a reason, even *******s......because you always learn a lesson from them. And in the future it makes you realize what you do want to get out of a relationship and definatley what you don't want in one. She will most likely look back at her old relationship as some stupid mistakes she has made in the past, but now is ready to find what she truly deserves...hopefully that means you!
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"You can't hold onto something that doesn't want to be held on to. You can only love what you have for as long as you have it. Everything else is in fate's hands, what's meant to be will be." ~~Anonymous~~
Keep showing her attention, be there for her, be her confidante...and then just ask her for a date, not a relationships...DATE her for a while...and if it's meant to be...it will turn into a relationship...but certainly don't pressure her, or she will run and you will lose her for good....let things take their course...be there, but don't be there TOO much.
okay, i'll give you my humble opinion. i've been the woman in an abusive relationship....please be very careful with her.
she will need a couple of months to get her bearings. it takes a while to understand what healthy behavior and boundaries are.
don't push her, but take her out, have fun. be lighthearted with her. she needs that kind of stuff. if she moves to fast, back her off. she may be confused, and pretty needy.
good luck. it sounds like she likes you but, as you know, that's not usually enough...
bottom line: be there for her, but give it a good six months of slow moving. she'll definitely have trust issues for a while.
Under different circumstances, I would whole-heartedly agree about the "take it slow" thing...in fact, I'd LOVE to take her out on dates or whatever. But I'm just wondering; why would she tell me that she needs more time, or needs to take it slow, if she's the one that kissed me and she's the one that decided to stay at my house? That's not really taking it slow.
well remember she was drinking!!! And she is most likely very confused herself! Do you want to be the guy that she ends up saying to herself...oh my god what am I doing??? If she does seem to go too quickly you need to be man enough and the mature one to make it stop and tell her...you are dying to kiss her too BUT you know she is not ready for it and you aren't ready to get hurt in the process
She will most likely be confused. She'll want you. She'll be scared. She'll want to be alone. She won't want to lose you....
So, it's your job to back her off if SHE gets too serious too soon. If she can count on you to be healthy emotionally, it will teach her how to do the same. She'll also grow to trust you if she knows that you won't let her rush things before their time.
Show her that you have her and your relationship's best interests at heart, not your own selfish ones.
Always let her know that you really like her and are attracted to her, but pace things SLOWLY or she will run...trust me on this one...
The guy who finally got me was patient beyond belief. He made me feel cherished and safe. I trust him 100%, but it took six months for me to relax enough to begin to do that...while he continuously showed me tenderness, consistency of actions/words, and boundaries...
oh, and always keep your word to her. don't break promises. if you need to, talk to her before hand if possible. always explain, apologize, etc....she will be looking for you to be a man of his word...it's the trust thing, again...
she will heal, and you can help her, but she must work on herself, too.
I got your pm wanting my advice so here I am I read your story thoroughly, but there's not much I can say that other ppl haven't said already lol I've had friends of mine who's been in similar situations as you tho. I'm not gonna tell ya to wait b/c you've done enough of that already. She's just confused atm. And if she's under 21, then she's fairly young as well. Hell, I shouldn't talk, I AM 21 But don't just spend all your time focusing on this one girl, especially if nothing's become of it yet. I could understand you feelin this way if you'd been w/ her for a long time and there came a break up, but you guys haven't even reached the b/f-g/f "stage" at all have you? I understand you really like her, but let her figure this out on her own and just continue to offer your support as you been doin. Don't expect anything b/c that's when your gonna get hurt.
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It's not who you are that holds you back, it's who you think you're not.
You also asked for my opinion so here it is. This girl is dealing with alot of emotions right now and probably isn't very sure of what she really wants. The last thing she probably really wants is a new relationship. Give her a little room to breathe and DO NOT pressure her into getting into a relationship with you, instead be comforting to her when she needs you.
1. She's confused
2. She needs time to figure things out
3. Be there to support her
Okay, having said that...then I have some follow-up questions:
1. Is she in to me or not? (c'mon, you either are or you're not...there is no confusion about that)
2. What should I do to communicate that I want to date her but at the same time, not scare her off? I don't mind if she wants to take it slow...I'd understand, but I can't just ask her once-a-week if she's ready to go out or anything
I honestly think that she only likes you as a friend. She knows that you want more but she doesn't know how to tell you that she only likes you as a friend. The only thing left for you to do is try to accept her as your friend, who knonw maybe she will change her mind after she heals from her past relationship. Obviously, she was in love with her ex, so it will take a while for her to be with another guy.
I think this because
1. She lost someone that she loved. She isn't looking to be with other men right now.
2. She is hurting in ways that you probably can't imagine
3. I am a female and I was once afraid to tell guys that I only wanted friendship
i think that the book "he's just not that into you" can also be translated into "she's just not that into you" read it and apply it in reverse. also somebody on this forum said:
"if a guy isnt into you nothing on this earth will change his mind, if a guy is into you nothing on this earth will keep him away"
you can read that as "if a girl....."
i'm sorry to sound harsh but i think relationships are pretty much all about timing and states of mind, it is sooo delicate. if two people come together at just that moment where everything is in harmony then thats gonna be a good relationship, if it is out of balance then it could still be a relationship but an unequal one, if it is way out, theres never gonna be a relationship.
i think this falls into the latter.
the harmonious one can get knocked out but a little fine tuning can sort it again.
the inharmonious can sometimes work but only for a moment.
the inbetween, well unfortunately thats where most fall.
you are lucky in one way that this isnt even going to start, really.
everytime i begin having to ask questions about someone i like, my next question is always, "why am i having to ask questions?", if you are not sure its because its not a sure thing
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I read your story thoroughly, but there's not much I can say that other ppl haven't said already lol I've had friends of mine who's been in similar situations as you tho. I'm not gonna tell ya to wait b/c you've done enough of that already. She's just confused atm. And if she's under 21, then she's fairly young as well. Hell, I shouldn't talk, I AM 21 
But don't just spend all your time focusing on this one girl, especially if nothing's become of it yet. I could understand you feelin this way if you'd been w/ her for a long time and there came a break up, but you guys haven't even reached the b/f-g/f "stage" at all have you? I understand you really like her, but let her figure this out on her own and just continue to offer your support as you been doin. Don't expect anything b/c that's when your gonna get hurt.
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