You're probably right. But do you think that maybe she's always had feelings for me? (meaning, since we first started talking/flirting) OR do you think that the stuff with her BF was so bad that she just turned to the first person she felt comfortable with?
I know she needs time, but I'm just really confused. I know that if I were her, I would be thinking about me and how she needs to at least talk to me about what's going on. I don't know, maybe I'm just being crazy right now.
I don't pretend to have a halo above my head or anything, but this guy is a first-class jerk and doesn't deserve her.
Did I get her little gifts and stuff? Sure. But like I said, I just wanted to see if she really liked me. When it came down to it & I asked her, she chose to stay with her BF instead.
For whatever reason, there's a certain type of person to say "This relationship is messed up and I need to get out of it". She's probably not one of those people. IF she finally did get out. Doesn't that say something about ANYTHING that when she went so far as to make out with a dude (of all places at a sex shop!) and stay at his house...she knew it had to be over?
Some people act like every relationship starts out with candy, roses and holding hands? C'mon people. Watch "The OC" for once.
I found out today through a mutual friend that she did actually finally move out of her BF's house and they are broken up. Maybe I shouldn't be happy but his loss is hopefully my gain.
I don't know how to go about talking to her though. I'd like to tell her that I'd be happy to have a relationship with her but I'd understand if she wanted to take it slow. Any thoughts?
I'd like to tell her that I'd be happy to have a relationship with her but I'd understand if she wanted to take it slow.
That sounds pretty good to me.
But perhaps rather than saying "have a relationship" you could say something like "have the chance to get to know each other better".
Personally I'd be wary if she was gung-ho to jump straight into another relationship. That would make you the rebound guy & they rarely make the distance.
She's going to need some time to get over her last relationship. Be her friend. Be there for her, and as bluechocolate said, get to know each other better. Yeah, you two have been friends for a year or so, but there's still lots of things to learn about each other.
Obviously she likes you or she wouldn't have ended up in bed with you, eh?
Just give her time, I seriously doubt that she'll be ready to jump into another relationship with a guy at the moment. Like blue said again, that would make you the rebound...
That whole "rebound" thing is a sticky situation. It's not like I want to wait for her to go out with another guy first JUST so that I'm not the rebound guy. But all that aside, I don't know if I qualify as the 'rebound' guy if it turns out that she's had feelings for me all along. I think I'd be called the "other guy"...or something like that.
Being the rebound guy is not necessarily the first guy that someone dates after a break up. It's the guy that a woman dates immediately after a break up... Give her some time to heal, eh? I'm sure that she needs it.
I know that you're probably right...but it's just that I've waited for soooooo long already. I mean, the only way I could get her out of my head this whole time was to basically not talk to her for like 10 months, that is, before all of this happened.
Originally posted by shamen
She's going to need some time to get over her last relationship. Be her friend. Be there for her, and as bluechocolate said, get to know each other better. Yeah, you two have been friends for a year or so, but there's still lots of things to learn about each other.
Obviously she likes you or she wouldn't have ended up in bed with you, eh?
Just give her time, I seriously doubt that she'll be ready to jump into another relationship with a guy at the moment. Like blue said again, that would make you the rebound...
I agree with this advice. Definately give it time. Give her a chance to sort out her emotions. Obviously she does feel something for you, but you wont gain anything by trying to rush into something.
and i can already tell that you are not going to like my response. I think (as already stated) that you should state you'd like to get to know her/spend time w/her when she is ready.
Then... just sit back and see what unfolds. Look, she's in no shape to judge what she wants and if you really do care for her then give her time - if you believe in the "if it's meant to be" philosphy then you will see that is the best way to handle this. If you jump right in on her w/what YOU want you may be viewed as a victimizer here, preying on her when she is weak (even if this is not your intention).
One last thing - you sound like you are very young - at your age it is a LONG life - one that is going to have many outcomes for you - some good, some not so good. In light of this reasoning loosen-up and realize the only thing you ever have control over is yourself (and sometimes not even that!!).
Best of luck!!
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