the most difficult part in moving on is giving up the hope, that the person whom we are struggling to let go and move on and not contacting, that this person will never comprehend what we have gone through. When we each get past this period of last ounce of hope, we'll look back I guess and see that it was not meant to be. the pain as awful as it is, reminds us of just how much we will have to learn from it. I'm just afraid that I will lose the part of me that loved someone so freely. I feel like I'm scared inside...how do I rid myself of that wound on the inside?
Thanks to NF & all for wise words.
I broke up yesterday on her terms. We're both 30 & she has 2 kids, 10 & 6. We saw each other 17 months & as in all relationships, there were ups & downs!. I had a drink problem, not heavy, just as she was teetotal, even me drinking 2 glasses of wine a night made it hard!
It lead to arguments & me being pig headed & stubbrnness, being emotionally cold & at end of June ijust said i don't care anymore, after i'd drunk too much & we had argued & she was crying. That was her all time low!
Since then i've had alcohol advisory & have been drink free for a month. Never the less, she was still low & relationship very rocky!
The middle of July she needed space & i just saw her 2 times a week & stayed similar times.
I went round one day & there were 2 marks on her neck & she said an ex had been round after a n argument with his current gf & needed support, they hugged & kissed & then after he kissed her neck, she pushed him away, saying i'm with someone & don't want to.
I frgave her & told her i love her as i always do & the next day she was going on vacation with her mum, sister & kids & i was looking after the house & pets.
I found out from open emails on her pc, she had accidentally leaft that this was crap & she had been seeing someone since mid July. It was him that had kissed her neck, she encouraged him, but couldn't have sex, as she was still with me.
They had dinner & visited each other!
This made me sick, but i knew i had made her feel bad & this is her excuse, that i lead her to it!
She was in a bar on a girls night out & drinking water as driving, her friends were dancing & she was approached, she didn't plan go looking or anything.
Since she met this guy, we had been out to dinner a couple of times, been together & even had sex, she was wanting to see us both for unlimited time, & then decide who she wanted. She has been very open since this & i believe her!Until i saw these emails which scuppered her plan & she then had to make her mind up.
1. She thinks 2timing me is ok, because we rowed a lot & i was complacent & took for granted us & as i lyed to her about drink, she can lye to me about this!
2. I do blame myself, if i had heard her warnings about drink & lack of commitment, we'd still be around.
She returned from vacation & i had been very insecure & in need of reassurance & occasionally we chatted on the phone whilst she was away, bt how did she expect me to feel!
Tonight, she told me they will go out & have dinner & then who knows, i hurt because i'm jelous & know it's my fault.
She told me she wants to meet for coffee & doesn't ever not want to see me, we have stuff of each others anyway! & that she doesn't believe my change, but by seeing me occasionaly, it will show her!
I do love her, her kids love me & it pisses me off thinking that now i'm doing something about it (drink) & , it seems over. The other arguments did stem fro the drink.
Nobody i know thinks her relationship will work, as he's 22 & she's 30 & doubt his commitment to someone elses kids at that age!
Now this no contact thing, what if she contacts me??
I know my wrongs & would have her back today, but i'm so hurting as i know it's my fault & tonight, they may be being intimate in our bed!.
What can i do to stop my jelous hurting & these pictures of him & her together, it's so fresh & i've been crying nonstop!
& something i forgot
does the first post in this thread still count if your trying to get your ex back!
I'm convinced it won't work because of the kids & ages of the couple & him being 22 & comiting to someone elses kids!, she says she wants to see me & i can visit her & we will anyway, because we have things of each others that we want back!
We don't hate each other, she loves me & she wants to see me & prove her wrong about my alcohol problem & prospects!
Originally posted by caring guy
& something i forgot
does the first post in this thread still count if your trying to get your ex back!
Yes. For you -Out of sight out of mind...Keep busy, DO other things for you, and try to get out with buddies etc. Distraction is the key and everytime your mind goes negative and those images pop into your head - Stop and tell yourself "enough!!" You are in control of your mind, not the mind in control of you.
For her - Out of sight...Will make her wonder. Trust me, she will miss you. That is the game. Does she give in and call you, chase you and try to get you back????
One bad thing though...The thing about doing NC - Be prepared for it backfiring. Your intent is to win her back, she may/may not react the way you want her to.
So with NC & the problems of it backfiring, is there a time when i maybe should instigate contact. I don't want to do NC if she then thinks, great-he's given up!, she seems to think that the less she sees of someone in a relationship, the less she wants to see them & the more she sees someone in a relationship, the more she wants to see them. Total opposite to "abscence makes heart fonder"!
Will she miss me ? I'm sure sfter 17 months she will, but as i've said about her seeing this guy i don't think(hope) it will work.
I do trust her, she has never lyed to me in all the time i known her, except when i gave her reason to & she encouraged someone to chat her up, she wasn't on the pull! & she cryed to me for doing that, something she says she's never done before!
She knows me as the guy that makes her laugh, cares for her, is strong for her in certain ways like helping here with her problem neighbours, getting her car fixed, great with her kids, & standing up to her, but i have this real horrible emotional side that showed fragility when she wanted to end it, a me that seemed needy & cryed a lot, but only because of my love & terror of losing her!
I just hope she remembers the me she loves!
Last edited by caring guy; 14th August 2005 at 2:52 PM..
How can she miss me when she's having a whale of a time with this guy, ok her kids will always mention my name, they love me & hopefully it will make her think.
When i gave her her key back the other day, it wasn't good at it was too soon for me to see her, she wants to chat on msn sometime.
Its over caring guy........... look at what you are doing to yourself, "what ifs", "if onlys". All you have control over is yourself. All roads lead to pain in regards to the past with this girl.
Everything ends, so learn, get your sh*t together and in a year look back (if you even care by that time) and laugh. Worked for me, its worked for others.
No Foolin
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For those of you who have just broken up, take the red pill below.
No Foolin,
I have your guide printed out before me. And I tried to do the NC and was a perfect example of why one should not contact or remain in contact with the person with whom I got dumped by.
I feel like I reopned a wound that is even now more difficult to heal. I also feel foolish by having done so. I actually don't know why I ignored the guide and feel like I'm paying the price. The hardest part is accepting the fact that that person doesn't even notice what I feeling. And still I chose to open myself and become vulnerable to their lack of regard for me. How do you recover from that? It's like a permanent stain in my soul.
I have been through this before with a long distance break up, but never with another guy envolved, this is what make the pain so intense. I met this girl whilst getting over that previous girl, so i know what your saying.
Others on here seem to think she'll come back to me when her 22 year old toyboy realises he's missing his nights out, & can be with a girl with no kids & her kids are playing up & they can't go out!, or if he's going out with his mates & she's staying in to look after. I'm at an age where i want this commitment & she knows it.
My family tell me that i'm stupid to want to be around her when she's got kids & i'm 32, jeeznows what would they think if i were 22!
Yes, things end, like my grandparents 73 year marriiage which had 3 seperations & death ended it!
Some here seem to think she will miss me, i know i'm being like this because we had it all planned out the future, it was a perfect plan as she was at Uni, me work at home & do domestic stuff. I can't give up so easily, i realised most of my mates were just associates that i saw in the bar, i was new to this town, i know no-one else, all i can do is be alone. Whatever i do to take my mind of it, it's still there!,
Reconciliation is possible, i just know it only can happen at a time when we can be friends & we can be as we were when we first met! & not whilst i want it & she wants friends..
Thats why the other day was so bad, we met & i gave her the key & my feelings all came back, wanting to compliment etc & it ended in talking about us, it was too soon!. It could all have been different if it'd gone the way she wanted just chatting about this & that.
I wonder what this guy would have thought if he knew she was with me & the night before she was with another male friend, who took her out for a driink. I've met him, he's just an old friend from where she used to live!, she says he fancys her, but she don't him.
This all sounds so farcical. I wouldn't be full of joy if i knew my gf was having coffee with her ex (me) & then with another guy who she knows!
Thats what gives me hope!
At peace You never are able to quite forget, that is impossible, so don't try. The order of the day is to change focus. You will always have memories (I don't waste my time reliving the past, I tend to run into street lights when I look backwards).
You can't change the past; thats like trying comb your hair when the barber just shaved your head the day previous .
You are your own superman/woman, forge your destiny or someone will do it for you (thats not a good thing).
Caring guy I'm not a touchy feely dude, I deal in reality and tough love. I will tell you the truth that will actually help you. You want this girl back......... But you can't have her back, why because she doesn't want you (re-read the previous sentence please). The why of the matter does not matter. You can't even consider the first step until you shut that light off.
Your ex is with another dude. You actually want this girl back???? Think for a second: If I have a stick of gum and I happen to leave it on a desk or something. Some dude rolls up, unwraps the gum and starts to chew this gum. I'm upset because dude is chewing my gum; however, I'm not going to sit around and lament over said gum and I definitely am not going to go and pry it out of dudes mouth so I can chew on it. Why, because 1) thats freaking gross 2) the flavor is gone 3) I'll go buy some more. Similar, your girl with another guy, yes you're upset, but now you have the chance to do what you want to do. Your girl is chewed gum now, get it off your shoe.
Think for a second: If I have a stick of gum and I happen to leave it on a desk or something. Some dude rolls up, unwraps the gum and starts to chew this gum. I'm upset because dude is chewing my gum; however, I'm not going to sit around and lament over said gum and I definitely am not going to go and pry it out of dudes mouth so I can chew on it. Why, because 1) thats freaking gross 2) the flavor is gone 3) I'll go buy some more. Similar, your girl with another guy, yes you're upset, but now you have the chance to do what you want to do. Your girl is chewed gum now, get it off your shoe.
No Foolin
Bwahahaha! another hilarious analogy. No Foolin, you are my hero.
Laughter is great medicine......
Originally posted by No Foolin
If I have a stick of gum and I happen to leave it on a desk or something. Some dude rolls up, unwraps the gum and starts to chew this gum. I'm upset because dude is chewing my gum; however, I'm not going to sit around and lament over said gum and I definitely am not going to go and pry it out of dudes mouth so I can chew on it. Why, because 1) thats freaking gross 2) the flavor is gone 3) I'll go buy some more. Similar, your girl with another guy, yes you're upset, but now you have the chance to do what you want to do. Your girl is chewed gum now, get it off your shoe.
Beautifully said No Fooling
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~~ One day someone will walk into your life and make you see why it never worked out with anyone else.. ~~
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