well, maybe i'm wrong here but it's hard not to see that the original post wasn't a racial thing when it clearly says in the thread title that she is concerned about her white daughter dating a black boy. maybe she it would have been better to clarify that she's concerned that her daughter might be attracted to thugs instead of prefacing her concerns with race. i do understand that she loves her daughter very much and only wants the best for her but it might be good for her to be more careful not to present her concerns to her daughter based on race because that is a slippery slope. i agree with the other folks that think it's best to talk to her daughter about her values and her hopes for her bright future which includes relationships with healthy people regardless of their race.
i admit the attitudes about who is more likely to be a bad character based on race is kinda scary for me considering i'm the mom of a half irish/half mexican daughter.
Hmm, this is a hard one. First of all do you live in an area where there is a lot of Diversity? If not, your children could just be intrigued by this other culture, and feel it is a way of rebelling. Our society feeds into the "cool black factor" for lack of terminology. Who knows there might even be a term for it on Urban Dictionary.com. I know that your issue is NOT the color or their skin, I can tell from your original post. The issue is the stigma , and fear of a black man using a white woman as a trophy. Lets be honest, the track record black men have with their own black sisters is not good either...the difference is a white woman will usually let him get away with his dirt. This is not to say that a white man would not do the same to your daughter; but it would be harder if a black man did. And if anyone wants to ask me why, just look up some case studies. It is hard enough trying to get 2 people of the same religion/ race to make it work! Yet some how arranged marriages work out, go figure! Anyway, that is off topic. Thing is just expand your daughters horizons; is she spoiled? Are you wealthy? Maybe she wants to see how the other half lives? Maybe she feels bad she has as much as she does. Believe it or not, these are all reasons the white suburban girls look for this; they want adventure, they want to relate to the rap songs, and videos; they want to emulate this mtv generation
I know alot of people are thinking that you are racist.
My take on your dilema...you don't like the "ghetto" culture.
You see it in your 2 stepdaughters, unmarried I assume, with uncaring fathers.
Okay...now that I've been all nice and understanding...why did you marry into this situation? You know that you have brought your daughter into this.
Still....I don't think you are the bad guy here. You made mistakes, the stepdaughters did too. You are worried about your young daughter. I WOULD BE TOO.
Help her with chosing worthy friends, then boyfriends. Really, would you give a rat's arse if a young Colin Powell turned up taking your daughter to the prom. I sure the heck wouldn't. For that matter Denzel Washington has my permission to marry me. LOL.
I do believe it's a matter of class structure/culture. White trash people, with no education, beating people's teeth out is gross. Do you hate all whites?
I think this is all very interesting. My best friend is a black male (I'm a white female). He comes from a decent family with a mother and a father who are still very much in love after 25 years of marriage. His father's income is around $90,000 a year. My best friend just recently graduated from college with a degree in psychology, and is very well-spoken (no ebonics) and friendly. He wants to eventually get his PhD so he can help children with autism and other similar problems. His mother is active in the church and would help anyone who came to her doorstep. They've always welcomed me and been incredible to me. But he's black, so that's what matters....right? Um, no.
Raise your children to respect people for who and what they are and how they treat you, not what they look like or what kind of music they listen to.
Re: White middle class mother concerned over daughter dating black boys
Quote:
Originally posted by svw1323
...and my daughter is 11.
FIRST OF ALL YOUR DAUGHTER IS TOO YOUNG TO DATE ANY MAN. And you are entitled to your opinion. Just think about why you feel the way you do before you talk to your daughter. Chances are if you are too judgemental you will definitely LOSE her the other way, it will be counterproductive.
My son's dad, a total loser, a Chinese, and I am white----- we have a beautiful child but the dad abandoned him and flew overseas! Also, no child support.
However, I have other friends too who are Chinese so I cannot put down Chinese people on account of him.
There is GOOD and BAD in every race but you are entitled to your own perspective. And there is NOT a soul out there who can honestly say he/she is NOT predjudice to some degree. Everyone is. It doesnt matter if youre black, white, asian or other---people can be very predjudice inside the privacy of their own homes...
AGAIN YOU DAUGHTER IS TOO YOUNG TO DATE. Stop her now before it gets out of control.
Whatever your reasons - they are yours. I would suggest that you sit down with your daughter and explain your feelings and why you believe interracial dating and marriage is wrong. Whatever culture you are, your background, church, community, etc. that led you to your beliefs should be discussed with her. The world is changing and the belief system that you grew up with is not the same one that she is experiencing every day in her school and with her friends.
But am not surprised with the themes of overwhelming responses to the original post: "Change your mind, ignorant woman."
I do not believe the original post said that her 11 year old daughter was dating anyone, but only that she was worried about the direction the daughter was taking.
So, to give real supportive advise, I've concluded that this mother might join the nearest chapter of the Aryan Brotherhood, where her daughter will no doubt grow into the type of young woman that will only consider dating WASP males, albeit, of the lowest caliber.
Originally posted by YellowLioness
[color=red][/color] I can't believe anyone in this country, as liberated as we say we are, would post something so deliberately inflamatory. It's amazing to me that people still think this way. Back in the 1960s I would not have been suprised, because you sound just like my grandmother.
However, the year is 2004, in case you weren't aware, and all races are to be considered equal. Every race has its problems and predjudices.
What? I don't believe all races are considered equal in this country today. Racism is alive and well as far as I am concerned.
There is a difference between a "black man" and a "black thug".
I have a daughter and I probably won't like any man she dates, no matter the race.
Seriously though, you watch TV and you see blacks, whites, asian kids always hanging out together. Never in real life have I seen a group of kids, like at the mall for example, and all of them were friends and different races.
We will never ever see everybody treating everybody as equals.
when i was in high school, i had two very good male friends.. one was black but came from a wonderful family and was not thuggish at all.. he was one of my best friends and i went to my senior homecoming dance with him. My parents didn't say anything about this at the time.
But then, my other friend, who is half black and half asian and the valedictorian of our school, asked me to my senior prom. I told my parents i was going to go with him, and they told me they didnt like the idea because i had gone to homecoming with a black guy and they didnt want people to "think something"
well..
i resented them for this. and immediately lost tons of repect for them as people. I had no idea my parents were so closed minded. I will never regain that respect I lost for them that day.
and needless to say, i went to the prom with my friend anyways. because i told them i would not fall into their stereotypical views of race. They did not stop me, but i knew they were angry.
You have to be careful with the things you teach your child. Teaching prejudice is never a good idea. Instead, teach them the difference between a good man and a bad one.. regardless of race.
Any parent who teaches their off-spring to not love a person SIMPLY because of the color of their skin is a straight up racist, period. I cannot support any parent who condones this type of behavior.
Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 26th September 2004 at 1:49 AM..
Reason: Removed inappropriate comments.
Just another reason why I'm so lucky to live Hawaii........
quoted by Fredrolin;
*Seriously though, you watch TV and you see blacks, whites, asian kids always hanging out together. Never in real life have I seen a group of kids, like at the mall for example, and all of them were friends and different races. * (gotta learn those quote boxes
It's one of the greatest joys of growing up here in the islands. My son is 14, his group of friends range from white, black, filipino, asian, portugese, hawaiians, samoans to anything in between. My son is hawaiian, chinese, portugese, and half mexican........We're a mixed plate, and culturally diversified, we are the melting pot..... have all kinds, seen all kinds. And yes we are *real life*, and they really do *hang out at the mall*, and all of them........very different friends, and that's what makes them unique.
It's not something I was taught growing up, it was part of our culture. My mom would open her house each thanksgiving to blacks/whites whatever, military man and I just accepted that as part of life.....because in the end.......we all bleed the same.
Being a mother, I would also strongly oppose my sons to marry anyone that is a *thug*, be it whatever color or race they are. I'm so sorry you feel that way, but you are specifically mentioning only the black man, but to say that you wouldn't allow your daughter to marry a black man, is your opinion, and you do have that right, but is also showing some form of predjudice, and to me, it's just asking for trouble and crossing the line. Would it be any easier (for you) if she announced that she was going to marry someone just like her........middle class white girl? That would be her choice, something in the end, you will not have control over anyway.
Teach her respect, honesty, and trust that you've given her the ability to make strong decisions regarding her life and the choices she makes that will affect her future her life and the friends she hangs with regardless of color or creed.
Lady, I am decent toward anyone. Those I will not tolerate are Racists, Homophobes and Misandrists (women who hate men). These people are the scum of the earth with their prejudice and unfairness. Dont be one of them.
Just another reason why I'm so lucky to live Hawaii
I love Hawaii to bits. And what gorgeous people! Mixing all the races and ethnicities together results in beautiful humans
__________________
I expect to pass through this world but once. Any good, therefore, that I can do or any kindness that I can show to my fellow creatures, let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.
I've just read all the posts in this topic and have similar concerns as the original poster for my own daughter....
I have my worries on interracial relationships. Reason being (first and foremost), is that my younger sister is married to a man from Israel and while at first we truly thought he was a great guy, he eventually tried to change who she was, what she believed in, and wanted her to be the way that women are in Israel (covering up, etc). She became very depressed and unhappy with him trying to change her beliefs around to his beliefs and culture. They are now separated and in the middle of a divorce.
In the beginning, he really was good to her and loved her very much. There were no signs of how he actually was. They dated for over 3 years before getting married. Once married though, he tried to control how she dressed, who she talked to and didn't want her to spend time with her family or friends. They have two beautiful daughters, ages 9 and 5. He has done horrible things, such as throwing away all of the Christmas decorations my sister had (because he does not believe in Christmas). He wouldn't allow the kids to trick-or-treat, etc... He won't allow them to eat ham (which the older one loves). I am saddened to hear comments from my sister's children about people calling them "sand-niggers" and the like. These children are absolutely beautiful, and they actually look more American than they do Arabic. They have their mothers blue eyes, light skin, etc... but yet they are considered "different"! By having an Arabic last name alone has honestly been difficult for them, even given their age!
Now, my concerns for my own daughter...
I have been divorced for 12 years and have full custody of my 15 year old daughter (my only child). We are white and I am extremely concerned with her choice of friends now. She originally had the same group of friends all through school from Kindergarten to the 7th grade. She was somewhat preppy, was an avid swimmer (on a swim team for 8 years), she was in dance, cheerleading, modeling, etc... In the 7th grade, my daughter started associating with a different group of friends, she dropped ALL of her old friends, and started hanging around with what she called "mixed" kids, as well as black kids. Eventually she quit all the activities above too...
The change in her attitude was gradual for a while, she started acting a little different, and began listening to rap music, and eventually to thug music too. She first put up posters of Eminem all over her walls, and called me racist, due to my concerns. (OK, isn't Eminem white?!! I thought so too). I do not consider myself to be racist, but I do have prejudices toward certain type people. I believe there is good and bad in all races; bad meaning "thugs", "rednecks", etc...
Where I'm getting, is that it is as though she was replaced with someone else, and my daughter is not the same kid! This all changed with the change in friends. The majority of her friends now are black. Her best friend is white, but is a girl who talks and acts as though she is black. This girl has white parents, but has extended family members who are mixed. This girl also has 3 tattoos, and has her belly button pierced. Things that I would never allow my 15 year old daughter to have done. My daughter did not tell me at first that she was becoming attracted to black boys... she originally said that she liked white boys, who acted black. However, I have found out here recently that she has had black boyfriends, without my knowledge of her even having a boyfriend to begin with.
I personally have never been attracted to anyone outside of my race, as far as dating goes. Not to say that it is wrong per say, but that I truly have no interest. I do however have friends that are of different races (very good ones too). My dating relationships have been long-term, I have not remarried, but have been in a 4 year relationship with my boyfriend. I had never really thought about my daughter becoming interested in dating black boys before. She had always been interested in white boys. What concerns me, is that she is not herself, and I know that it is due to the choice of friends that she has now. She said that her generation is just different, and that nobody cares who you date, etc... Well, I beg to differ. I know that it is sad, but there still is prejudice in this world, especially here in my area. Just take for instance my nieces mentioned above. They are called names, just because they are "different" and they don't even look different!
When you see a group of black kids, and there is only one white girl hanging out with them, I'm sorry, but people DO talk. I am constantly being told "Did you know that your daughter is hanging out with black people?" Or, "I saw your daughter holding hands with a black boy", etc, etc, etc... And these comments come from young and old alike!
I don't know what to think, what to say, what to do!!! I am afraid for who she is turning out to be! I understand that I could be just as concerned if she were hanging out with the wrong group of white kids, but you have to understand, the kids that my daughter is hanging out with look like your average, normal black kids. At this point I really don't want my daughter dating black boys, I know that sounds bad, but it is due to her whole change in attitude. She is white, not black... no one on either side of our family is black, and yet she has grown this attraction and a behavior that is just not her! (Or the her that I use to know.)
My daughter almost died in the hospital this past week, due to hanging out with the girl mentioned above, and the black boys (she will not tell me who they were though). She came home around 8:45PM on a school night, obviously drunk, and it looked as though drugs were involved. She became unresponsive, and I rushed her to the ER... come to find out, she had 4 different types of drugs in her system, in addition to the alcohol. Her blood alcohol level was .3 and the legal limit is .08 which means she was almost 4 times the legal limit. She was only out of the house for less than 3 hours. (Yes, this is the first time that I've seen her like this - I had no knowledge of anything like this going on either, for that matter.)
I am at a TOTAL loss, and have spent the last week calling different places for help, and researching everything I can online. (That's how I found this topic.) Unfortunately, no one seems to REALLY care! The doctor at the hospital was arrogant and rude! I specifically asked for certain tests to be done (rape test even) and he refused! He said that I could take her to a Gynecologist the next day "if desired", although they said they could not do the test, since an officer was involved... Calls that I have made for help have not been returned, and even the police officer who was at the hospital seemed caring that night, but has not returned my call either... and it has been a week now.
My daughter is a very bright child, an A and B student... She is in advanced, honors and college prep classes... I am shocked that she would even do the above, and she says swears that all she did was drink the alcohol, and that was it. This leads me to believe that the drugs were slipped in her drinks. (?) She does not remember the whole evening!!!!
I haven't even slept tonight, and I have to be at work in 2 hours! I could go on and on, but I'll end my story here (sorry for the length). Any thoughts or advice would be much appreciated!
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Mahalo Nui.........
Also concerned!
Hybrid Mode
