[August]

Hi Everyone,

I am new here...was looking around the net for some help with my situation and I found this site.

I am 40 years old and have been married to the same man since I was 16. It will be 24 years in August. We have three kids almost grown, the youngest being 16. I married him when he was 31, he is 15 years older than me.

I don't want to drag this out, but our life has been rocky from the start. My H has had a hard time holding down a good job over the years, some years our annual income was below 10,000 for all 5 of us. Currently, he is on social security and I work fulltime, so we are getting by okay now. The other thing that has been a drain on our relationship is his temper and anger issues. He reacts to things with violence, breaking things, busting walls, doors, windows, dishes, etc. I will say, though, that he has never hit me, but I honestly don't trust him not to. I have seen him so mad that I think he would be capable of anything. And I know alot of you are asking, what makes him so mad? Well, he would tell you that it is mine and the childrens fault for not listening to him and doing what he says. See, we have gone to a very fundamental church from the start of our marriage, the kind that says the wife is to be in submission to her husband and the kids, also. So, he blames me for not being submissive. Which I will admit, sometimes I am very stubborn and strong willed and it has been hard for me to submit to him from the beginning. But he has had issues with his temper prior to our marriage because I have been told stories by his family of things he has done.

Anyway, over the years, I have lost respect for him and we have grown apart, partly I think due to our age difference. Through it all, I have never been unfaithful to him, until about 3 months ago.

I never thought I would be unfaithful, for one thing because our church teaches it is a sin. But in March I met a man at work who totally captured my heart. I was in a vulnerable position, lonely and tired of being unhappy. So, to cut this short, I want my H to give me a divorce, but I don't know how to go about this without hurting him. I still care for him but I haven't loved him for a long time.

Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you