Feeling resentful of your husband seems to be pretty common. I know I can relate to pretty much everything in the last two posts. I felt the exact same way. We had been stuck in the same rut for years! I worked 40+ hours a week, was a full time mom to two kids, I felt I had to over compensate where they were concerned because I was not a stay at home mom like a lot of their friends mothers who volunteered at the school, brownies and every other activity that came along. I felt I was alone in the marriage where family was concerned. I cleaned, cooked, and tended to most of our children's needs. I would ask for help, he would ask for sex. My attitude was, "If he wont help me out, I wont have sex with him" and his was, "If she wont have sex with me, I wont help her"
We actually got to the point where we were literally living two separate lives. For over two years we spent no more than maybe 8 hours a week actually interacting with one another. When we did,he wanted sex, I did not. No, that is not totally true, I wanted sex, but on my terms. We had somehow gotten into a rut where when we did have sex, it was very routine. We did not kiss, forplay was very minimal, and it was an obligation as far as I was concerned. More of a reach over, rub in the right places and get it over with. I "fell asleep" on the couch more often than not. He wanted to know who I was having sex with, because it sure was not with him, and that he would look elsewhere if I did not have sex with him more than three times a month ( honestly, that is being generous) And to clarify, I never ever slept with anyone other than my husband! I had offers, but never ever considered it an option. I was married!
Now that I look back, I know how it began, and how it got to the point it did. He would do something I did not like, and I would resent him, and be distant to punish him, and he, in turn would do something that was guaranteed to piss me off even more. It usually included a bar and not me! We just stopped communicating. Unless we we re talking about the kids or yelling about him not helping me or about us not having sex!
I do want to say this, I never stopped loving my husband. We had good periods, and we have had to pull together and get through some pretty difficult things that most people never have to ever consider in their entire lives. He was always there, solid as a rock, for me to lean on. No matter where we were in our sex life/emotional relationship.
I found some proof he had an affair with a girl, it was sexual, the e-mails I read were proof of that. I thought I was going to break into a million pieces. The only thing that went through my head was the memory of someone having said to me, that if "I did not take care of my Man, some other woman would" I used to think this was crap, but it really is not. We talked about separating, and to be honest, I did not want that, but I wanted to see what he really wanted. He said all he ever wanted was me, attention from me, affection from me, to know I loved him. He told me all he could think about was "What he would do if I left him, what would he do?"
I stayed home from work the day after I found out, I never, in my life, cried that hard in my life. I literally could not stand up because of the pain inside of me. I have to tell you, I lost BOTH my parents suddenly, seven years apart. My father to a heart attack, my mother to a drunk driver. I also had to make the decision of keeping my Mother on life support or letting God decide her fate THEN, had to call her father and "ask" him if that was ok. (I was extremely close to both of them. I lived 5 houses away from them when my Dad passed.) So, I have had to deal with some pretty heartbreaking situations in my life. NOTHING I have ever been through compared to the pain I felt that day. NOTHING. I did know that as horrible it was he had cheated, it was telling him I wanted to separate that was the source of the pain. When he came home, and I told him, he then had the same reaction I had been dealing with all day. He was willing to go, but did not want to. The thought of life with out me, was devastating to him.
We agreed to counseling, and whatever else it would take. We talked more in the next week than we had in the 5 years leading up to the day I found out. I know what he did was wrong, and it is not an acceptable solution to our problem. I also realize what I did to him, was also unacceptable. I always said that if he cheated that would be it, our marriage would be over. Who really knows what they will do until they are in a situation???
I really hope you can somehow fix your problems before they get to the point ours did. I don't wish on anyone the pain I felt. We have been in counseling, we have passion in our relationship again and we COMMUNICATE constantly! I hate what had to occur, but our relationship has never been stronger. We have a lot of issues to overcome still, the biggest being TRUST, but we are working towards that.
I hope you can take something away from my post, I know how easy it is to feel like the only thing you are in control of is sex, and how satisfying it is to play that card, that one card you feel you own. But if there are other options, please try them. I know had my husband told me I was pretty, and shown some passion towards me, kissed me with the passion of someone who really wanted me, he would have been dealing with a whole new issue......Like he is now! I am not kidding, six months ago, I dreaded going to bed, now, I thinks there are nights that he may. LOL
Good Luck to you! Whatever you do, it wont be easy, but you were important enough to one another to get married, I hope you can find the middle ground to work it out!
Juls thanks for your words. It was painful reading that because I could see myself in it. I'm sorry for your pain, I can't even begin to imagine. You are a much stronger person now, I commend you.
I always tell myself that if he were to cheat becuase he didn't get sex, fine - great, that would be the last straw I need, and he knows that, so he'd never do it. And in turn I wish wish he would so that I could make him look like the bad guy and actually have a reason to leave except that I'm miserable in my marriage, and how he treats me. Somehow that doesn't justify it. If one left FOR a reason such as that, it's okay.
But I read it, I know my husband would love it if I just swallow my pride, and continued as if nothing has happened like I always do, until I get sick of it again. But this time is different....... I thank you.
I have the opposte problem my boyfirend is always tired and won't have sex with me. God I feel like have an affiar. And when we finally do have sex after much asking teasing from me I am so pissed at the ordeal that i can't orgasim.
I quote, "I always tell myself that if he were to cheat becuase he didn't get sex, fine - great, that would be the last straw I need, and he knows that, so he'd never do it."
If you think he will never do it and keep pushing him away, you might find his breaking point...at which point he will find some option to pursue for happiness with or without you...cheating or not.
And..."And in turn I wish wish he would so that I could make him look like the bad guy and actually have a reason to leave"
If that is how you feel, then in your heart regardless of what happens, it is you that are largely responsible for the distruction of your marrage. You need to do something about this. I am not an advocate for divorce, but if you don't do anything basically a divorce of loyalty in your heart is where you currently are.
Women who have kids, jobs, household duties, take care of the bills, pets, extended family, feel drained. A good nights sleep is in some cases is "better than sex". Men have sex to relieve stress, i don't know that it works that way for us women.
I just want to say thank you for posting to this thread so I can read it. It is helpful. As a man who has no intimacy in his marriage, these are powerful words. Now if my wife and I could be in justfla's position here without an affair, then I see hope.
There is so much truth in the statement that if you don't take care of your man (or woman) someone else will. As a man I have sensed some women willing to help me, but truthfully, it seems more of a headache than a solution. I am sure my wife has guys hitting on her. I hope her response is like mine.
If Slick, Maddy or justfla are still on the Board, I would like to hear an update.
Women who have kids, jobs, household duties, take care of the bills, pets, extended family, feel drained. A good nights sleep is in some cases is "better than sex". Men have sex to relieve stress, i don't know that it works that way for us women.
Yes, sex can be a major stress reliever for women also. It does work both ways. But just like men when women are stressed their sex drive goes down.
Another factor people having thought of is hormones being off. Read up on Perimenopause.
Man, its good to see that others are going thru this too.
I am getting more and motr annoyed about it. I left our room (again) just frustrated to hell. What makes it worse is the signals of interest but the reality is different. Drives me mad.
What annoys me more is that I am not short of an offer elsewhere - but my loyalty to my wife means I wont.
I remember when we met constant sex yet now it feels like it is repulsive for her - like I am also an imposition to be intimate. I treat her great, go out of my way for her, but I dont think I get it in return.
Add in sometimes i am told of exploits from previous people (we are open on 'the past') and it comes down as more than a nuisance.
__________________
"The Fishman"
And I thought calculus was tough...this life thing is difficult!!
I hate to sound negative. But I really don't like the statement that if we don't keep our husbands happy someone else will. I would have to say that door swings both ways. I'm not going to accept sole responsibility for my husband choosing to step out, when he could do the same thing I do and work on things. I think stepping out is a cop out. And a woman shouldn't blame herself for that. (or a man)
Some men or women, don't need much of a excuse. They obviously have something else going on within themselves. So it's kinda hard to generalize the topic of keeping a spouse happy to keep them from straying.
I have to admit I could do more. But I'm tired of being the one trying to keep things going. That takes time and energy that I have not much left of. I think on that note, if a woman is spicing things up but her needs still aren't being met, then the pattern of discontent just falls back into place again sooner or later. (and vice versa)
So my question would be .. "how do you get a spouse to step up and meet you half way?" Similar to the original post. I have communicated what I need. And he just doesn't seem to get it. Or want to get it. In this case I think a character flaw is in progress....
My husband has an excuse for everything. Not giving flowers, or not giving gifts. He just whips out his handy book of "all his ex's and past life experiences" and justifies not doing it for me. He also allows me no time to work on things I enjoy. No real help. But yet he gets angry at me for not having sex with him. And when I do... he gets angry at me because he wants more and more...nothing is ever enough. And then it all gets twisted and turned around on me in the end.
Example: I hear why he won't give flowers. Cause of his ex. Then later when I don't feel like having sex, he thinks it's because of some problem I'm having with my ex. Yet I havent' even mentioned or given him any thought.
I think before anything we do can work. We have to figure out if there is something workable. If a person just won't change or try, then we have to decide if we can live with it. If we can't, getting out would be my advice before stepping out.
This is to the last post that I read regarding the Wife who countered the point about, "if you don't take care of them at home, they will roam." I think that she might be missing the point here. It sounds like your husband isn't meeting you half way, and that is a problem, but the initial point from the lead subject was concerning a different matter. Both spouses should not take each other for granted, or assume that they are property that can be used at any given time.
But I will say, that as one of the fellow husbands that gets up everyday loving his wife, goes to work to honor his family, provides as good of a living as he can, so that his wife doesn't have to work, then to come home to a cold shoulder, a glorified roommate that expects me to provide, protect, and respond to her needs with none of mine being met, then frustration would obviously set in. My situation is very similiar to some of the other frustrated men out there. I want to go on record by saying, I don't expect sex, or an intimate relationship, I do my best to romance my wife in every way. I give her flowers, jewelry, take her on date nights, do common houshold requests, without expecting anything but a smile. At the end of the day, I wish I could come home, not everyday, but once in a while, even on a special occasion, and see my wife dressed up for me, maybe she plans a special evening to cater to me, maybe she gives forth an effort of appreciation so that I can refill my emotional tank to handle day to day stresses. When is it our turn? What is the point in being married, if it is not give and take, and if you try to have that type of physical and intimate relationship at home, and you are pushed away, then where do you go? Do we just smile and say, "Awww that's all right honey, maybe next year. I know your tired, just relax, no worries." Well, she should worry. That is just lazy! There is a responsibility from both spouses beyond just the free ride or tax write-off.
Don't get me wrong, I feel that there are men that take advantage of their relationship, and don't give the emotional support needed to refill the emothional tank of the female, enough to make her want to be intimate. BUT there is an ever growing number of LAZY, self-absorbed females that think it is a honor for the men to be married to them. Or if they work outside of the home, they are too tired when they get home. I am sorry ladies, but we do not need a trophy on the shelf. The little league and basketball ones will do just fine.
If it is emotional baggage that either spouse needs to clean up, then do it! If there is abuse in the past, please deal with it! If it is a hormone level out of balance, GO see a doctor. Just don't ignore it! We live day to day coping and hoping for success and happiness. We end up swimming in our own misery, and more and more the spouse gets to swim as well.
I am sorry for the long response. I just feel that cheating is never justified, but neither is one spouse or the other not doing everything in their power to make the other feel just that much more loved. It isn't always in the amount of chores or deeds that we do during the day, it is as simple as being available and accepting. Then if you are speaking to his love language, maybe he will repsond to yours. How many hours do we spend watching TV at night, talking to our friends on the phone, reading a book, when our spouse is sitting right next to you waiting to connect.
Ok man, this is where women start to get confusing. This is about the time that women get turned on by you cleaning, cooking, doing things around the house for her. Women do so much around the house and feel so unappreciated by it, they tend to get sexually turned off, especially when you throw kids into the play. Touching her, is more than likely not what she wants.
Try something like cooking her a very nice home made meal, don't take her out to eat, it's not the same as you making it, if you don't know how, figure it out. Have someone watch the kids. Hire a baby sitter for the night. Have her go somewhere so you can set this up, maybe have her take the kids t the sitter, or have her get something from the store and have the sitter pick them up or something, as long as she has no idea what's going on. Surprise is crucial.
While she's gone, take rose petals and have them leading into the kitchen with candles surrounding you, don't have any lights on, only candles, preferably scented candles. and just trust me on this dude, it works. Eat your food sensually, and make sure it's a good meal, not pizza or chili, maybe enchiladas or something really good. You can even feed her, which is very romantic to a woman.
Then you can maybe start out kissing the back of her neck while massaging her, don't forget, her duties are never ending, she more than likely has a load of stress built up, touching and massaging helps relieve this stress a bit and gets her relaxed and more towards the mood of wanting to make love. Also, don't forget, don't just take your clothes off and jump in bed. Surround the bed with candles or put candles near the bed, no lights here either. Maybe even have a soft, romantic music playing. Slowly take each piece of clothing off and as you do, kiss her in those areas, ie...with shirt, you kiss her chest etc...
Then, have rose petals leading to your room and have rose petals all over the bed. In the room you need to have a letter hanging telling her how much you love, lavish and appreciate EVERYTHING that she does, this may take some thinking on your part, but I'm sure you can pull it off. massage every part of her body, feet, legs, arms, back, chest, neck... EVERYTHING.
Whatever you do, do not have crazy animalistic sex, make it a love making session, spend atleast an hour on foreplay, most women absolutely LOVE foreplay, almost more than the actual sexual intercourse itself, considering foreplay is more sensual and makes the woman feel like you love her more.
Don't say anything dirty while you're making love. only things like, ooh, I love you so much baby, call her sweet names and don't be loud, whisper things in her ear....breathe on her neck, dude, and YOUR THERE! I know it sounds like a lot of work, but I guarantee, the sex will come back into your life.
If anyone else has any input, please be my guest!
Last edited by KonRyuu; 25th February 2006 at 7:55 PM..
Let me start by saying I LOVE uncool's post. You're not alone in this. I took my wife to Rome, where I rented an apartment for the week on the Piazza of the Spanish Steps. We had as much sex as you and your wife did on your night out.
I may not be perfect, but I'm 40, I work out alot and am in great phyical shape. I have all my hair and teeth. Other women find me attractive. I also make a great living, one which allowed her to stay home as much as she wanted. Although it's hard to be honest about one's own qualities, I think I'm very nice and considerate towards her.
But the last 8 years of our 15 year marriage has been extremely frustrating for me sexually. I find her very attractive - I always have. And I've always let her know this. But sex has become infrequent and it seems as though she does this through a sense of obligation, if at all. Like a previous poster mentioned - sex that comes from such a sense of "duty" is almost pointless because the real beauty of sex between lovers is one where she wants it as badly as I do. But with her, that's a distant memory. She goes to bed in crappy PJ's, cream on her face and once a month or so in a tired sleepy gesture asks if I'm "horny". And trust me when I tell you that I tried everything about rekindling the romance.
I bought into the idea that marriage is hard work and with that I decided to do what I could. I took her to Italy, and the Caribbean. We went on dates, I brought her flowers and gifts. But none of that mattered in the end. I came away concluding that all that crap is a waste of time. Whenever I would try and ask her what was wrong, I'd be presented with an every increasing laundry list of things that would make her "feel better" including more vacations, a new car, me doing more around the house, etc. All those fixed things for a week maybe, and then we would be back to where we were. I don't believe any more BS that suggests that the man needs to bend over backwards even more in hopes that it meets with his wife's approval. That sends the message the controlling sex is the way to manipulate the husband and I want no part of it. In fact, it pisses me off to read page long posts from people putting the onus on the husband to take action as though he's the one failing at something.
So finally, after years of this, I finally responded to the advances of a co-worker. And while I was mired in guilt at first, now I'm not. For me it wasn't just the sex. I could have paid for that. Instead, this woman made me realize what I've been missing. We sometimes have dates and we never make it out of her house because she would prefer we have sex and take a bath together. She gives me incredible back rubs for no other reason than she knows I like it. She can't stop saying how much she loves sex with me and how she can't wait to get me in the sack again. For once in many years - I feel wanted. I hadn't even noticed up until then how badly the harsh rejections of my advances to my wife had decimated my self esteem. Now it's coming back and I feel good again.
The ironic thing is, I would put up with all my wife's nagging and idiosyncracies if only she would show she wants me. That's ALL I would have asked. I mean, is it really that hard?
But this marriage will likely end with her probably posting on some board about how her sleazy cheating husband left her.
Last edited by MarriedTard; 26th February 2006 at 4:05 AM..
Let me start by saying I LOVE uncool's post. You're not alone in this. I took my wife to Rome, where I rented an apartment for the week on the Piazza of the Spanish Steps. We had as much sex as you and your wife did on your night out.
I may not be perfect, but I'm 40, I work out alot and am in great phyical shape. I have all my hair and teeth. Other women find me attractive. I also make a great living, one which allowed her to stay home as much as she wanted. Although it's hard to be honest about one's own qualities, I think I'm very nice and considerate towards her.
But the last 8 years of our 15 year marriage has been extremely frustrating for me sexually. I find her very attractive - I always have. And I've always let her know this. But sex has become infrequent and it seems as though she does this through a sense of obligation, if at all. Like a previous poster mentioned - sex that comes from such a sense of "duty" is almost pointless because the real beauty of sex between lovers is one where she wants it as badly as I do. But with her, that's a distant memory. She goes to bed in crappy PJ's, cream on her face and once a month or so in a tired sleepy gesture asks if I'm "horny". And trust me when I tell you that I tried everything about rekindling the romance.
I bought into the idea that marriage is hard work and with that I decided to do what I could. I took her to Italy, and the Caribbean. We went on dates, I brought her flowers and gifts. But none of that mattered in the end. I came away concluding that all that crap is a waste of time. Whenever I would try and ask her what was wrong, I'd be presented with an every increasing laundry list of things that would make her "feel better" including more vacations, a new car, me doing more around the house, etc. All those fixed things for a week maybe, and then we would be back to where we were. I don't believe any more BS that suggests that the man needs to bend over backwards even more in hopes that it meets with his wife's approval. That sends the message the controlling sex is the way to manipulate the husband and I want no part of it. In fact, it pisses me off to read page long posts from people putting the onus on the husband to take action as though he's the one failing at something.
So finally, after years of this, I finally responded to the advances of a co-worker. And while I was mired in guilt at first, now I'm not. For me it wasn't just the sex. I could have paid for that. Instead, this woman made me realize what I've been missing. We sometimes have dates and we never make it out of her house because she would prefer we have sex and take a bath together. She gives me incredible back rubs for no other reason than she knows I like it. She can't stop saying how much she loves sex with me and how she can't wait to get me in the sack again. For once in many years - I feel wanted. I hadn't even noticed up until then how badly the harsh rejections of my advances to my wife had decimated my self esteem. Now it's coming back and I feel good again.
The ironic thing is, I would put up with all my wife's nagging and idiosyncracies if only she would show she wants me. That's ALL I would have asked. I mean, is it really that hard?
But this marriage will likely end with her probably posting on some board about how her sleazy cheating husband left her.
As long as YOU know the truth, what she says doesn't matter. You're right, never let a woman think she has a patent on her P***Y to the point that she can manipulate you with it. Use whatever advantage you have. And right now, that's the fact that there are many more single and unhappily married, sexuallyd eprived women than her.
Is your wife on birth control? If so, has she been off and on it since she was a teenager or more than 5 years? If so, this could be the issue. It's coming out a lot now, that Birth Control lowers a womans sex drive. It is really true, and how sad. I was on the patch for a while and it took me a year after going off it to get my sex drive back. If this is the case with your wife, she may need to see a doctor and get on a low dose of testerone. (sp?) It's not just a problem with not getting enough attention from husbands anymore, it's now thought to be a real medical problem caused by birth control pills and patches.
I took her to Italy, and the Caribbean. We went on dates, I brought her flowers and gifts. But none of that mattered in the end. I came away concluding that all that crap is a waste of time. Whenever I would try and ask her what was wrong, I'd be presented with an every increasing laundry list of things that would make her "feel better" including more vacations, a new car, me doing more around the house, etc. All those fixed things for a week maybe, and then we would be back to where we were. I don't believe any more BS that suggests that the man needs to bend over backwards even more in hopes that it meets with his wife's approval. That sends the message the controlling sex is the way to manipulate the husband and I want no part of it. In fact, it pisses me off to read page long posts from people putting the onus on the husband to take action as though he's the one failing at something.
You're right. None of that sh*t works in the long run. You might get a short increase in sexual activity from your wife by pleasing her with your efforts, but it will only last for a brief time. While it's true that women often respond with genuine pleasure to romantic gestures, it's a situational response. It doesn't solve the problem in a any permanent way.
That's because, sexual favor is not granted as payment for 'services rendered' except by prostitutes.
Contrary to the popular belief of many sexually frustrated men....most women don't use sex as a commodity. And they don't weaponize it, holding a man hostage to their whims. While I grant you, there are a few bad women out there who might be guilty of that sort of behavior, chances are if your wife fit that description, you'd have discovered that sad fact a long time ago. It would certainly be ugly enough upon discovery, that staying married to such a woman wouldn't be much of an option.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Uncool
When my wife rejects any advance I ever made to her, to me she's saying "i dont really love you enough to want to be intimate with you". Sex is lust for some, but for me its a loving spiritual bonding experience that tells her how much I love her. When she rejects every form of that, it tells me she's really saying "I dont want you to love me anymore".
And what I want to say back is "I DONT WANT TO BE WITH SOMEONE WHO DOESNT WANT TO BE WITH ME IN RETURN".
THIS is the truth for men....and it's a truth that all too many women just plain don't understand. The solution is largely in reaching an understanding of each other's sexuality.
Women are more fluid in terms of sexual desire. Over the course of her life, periods of sexual avoidance are fairly normal. We don't have these huge quantities of testosterone dictating our libido. The female libido is subject to hormonal fluctuations, that's true....but most of our libido resides in our brain, in our emotions.
It's difficult for a man to understand that. He has a full compliment of sexual speeds. He can compartmentalize sex in a way that is completely alien to a woman. In some instances, it means NOTHING to him....yet in others he's completely broken emotionally by the rejection of the one who has his heart.
And this is another thing that women just dont 'get'. She doesn't understand that sexual rejection is damaging because her man's heart is engaged. She doesn't see that it's because he loves her, that he can't compartmentalize her anymore.
It's not until both partner's truly understand each other's emotional response to sexuality that they can get their lop-sided libidos in sync. A woman's understanding of her husband's emotional response can literally engage her own. Her libido is largely in her BRAIN and not in her pants. She is engaged by recognizing her husband's love and his need of that which only SHE can give him.
When a man cheapens himself by engaging in sexual practices outside the marriage....he only justifies his wife's belief that his complaint was invalid. He tells her plainly that his whole problem was only about sexual function and NOT about the emotional bond he claimed to be craving. That's not necessarily true, but what else could she possibly think given the limited understanding she's been given.
And you know, I can almost HEAR some of you guys saying, "I've already told her all this over...and over...and over, and nothing ever changes."
My husband told me over and over too. I STILL didn't 'get it'.
I wish I could tell you how it's done, but I just don't know. We had a crisis in our marriage, and for the first time I left my own complaints behind for a few minutes and truly LISTENED. What I heard, was all about my husband's emotional pain and about him feeling unloved and unlovable in a relationship where I had VOWED to love and cherish.
My side of the issue didn't hold water after that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MarriedTard
So finally, after years of this, I finally responded to the advances of a co-worker. And while I was mired in guilt at first, now I'm not. For me it wasn't just the sex. I could have paid for that. Instead, this woman made me realize what I've been missing. We sometimes have dates and we never make it out of her house because she would prefer we have sex and take a bath together. She gives me incredible back rubs for no other reason than she knows I like it. She can't stop saying how much she loves sex with me and how she can't wait to get me in the sack again. For once in many years - I feel wanted. I hadn't even noticed up until then how badly the harsh rejections of my advances to my wife had decimated my self esteem. Now it's coming back and I feel good again.
The ironic thing is, I would put up with all my wife's nagging and idiosyncracies if only she would show she wants me. That's ALL I would have asked. I mean, is it really that hard?
But this marriage will likely end with her probably posting on some board about how her sleazy cheating husband left her.
You're probably right. She'll think you're a sleazy liar whey she finds out. Because you've just reaffirmed for your wife that the issue was 'only about sex' and that it was more important to have somebody to f*ck...than to be faithful to your love for her. Any female genitalia will do in that case. As a person of emotional value to you, you've managed to prove to your wife that she's NOTHING special. The person that she is inside has no value. The only thing you value is her sex organs. You have reduced everything about this woman...her knowledge, her feelings, her care for her loved ones, literally EVERYTHING that differentiates her from any other anonymous face....to a 'hole' for your own amusement.
While that might not be the truth as you see it, it's certainly the way your actions will most likely be interpreted when she finally discovers them. And if you think that's hard to hear on a message board, from someone who is not emotionally invested in you....just wait until you see it imprinted upon the face of the person you vowed to love forever.
You failed to make your case. You gave up because it was too difficult, and because your own feelings hurt. And it's gonna end up costing you.
The OW is responding to her infatuation with you. She's also responding to the emotional validation of fulfilling your ENs, much as your wife might have if only she'd been able to reach a better understanding of them. What's more, the OW is aware of the 'competition' for your continued affection. Unlike your wife, she knows she's got to beat another woman's time. Again, your wife is out of the loop, without all the information at hand.
It's sad really, because it was all so unnecessary.
All that was required to fix all this was a FULL UNDERSTANDING of each other's most basic emotional needs.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
Wife is not interested in Sex
Hybrid Mode
