Gina,
I am going through the same thing you are. My life has been turned completely upside down.
Although my boyfriend/fiance told me "he wasnt sure yet" if he wanted to break up with me, I still feel as though I lost my best friend when he asked for his space to cool down after a big blowout we had. It was over me being so controlling and possessive.
Ive been with him for 8 years.
Last I saw him was Feb.3rd.
Last I spoke to him was Valentines Day. He still didnt know yet what he wanted to do.
He said he wouldnt leave me hanging. So I still have some hope. But it has been 3 weeks since we spoke. To me this all seems unreal.
I had sent him a letter the first week and then a Valentines card.
I also just sent him a little note with my new address and phone number because I was in the process of finding an apartment and now he hasnt even seen my new place. I am devastated. He should get that note by today or tomorrow.
This is supposed to be a different phase of our lives. He wasnt going to move in with me, but rather stay here whenever he wanted, I was going to cook for him...etc.
I was sooo excited after awhile, but now my dreams are all flushed down the drain.
I am on 3 medications and seeing a therapist.
I told him I was going to get help for my problem with being controlling.
I was diagnosed with OCD after he told me he needed his space.
It took me to hit rock bottom to realize this.
He always made me feel like the only girl in the room. He protected me.
And Now I dont have him.
We have done everything together and EVERYTHING I see, and EVERYWHERE I go, it reminds me of him. It is mental torture.
I sit and I cry... because he always told me he would never leave me.
He is the love of my life.
We had our special places we went to also. Now I can hardly stand to drive by those places.
I feel like if I cant be there with him, then I dont want to go at all.
I dont know what my future holds with him, because we never officially broke it off. I still wear my engagement ring.
He is very stubborn.
But I am praying very very hard every day that he is willing to work on this with me.
I have been sooo sooo soo good to him over these past 8 years, and I have been there for him during his hardest times in his life.
Now I feel I need him the most and hes not here to stand by me.
Im not at him, because its his feelings.
But I feel terribly guilty for being the way that I was... taking him for granted and being controlling.
I just want to lay down and die. I dont care if I died.
Because we truly had something special.
Now it hurts more than anything not to have him.
Im not even at work today, because I couldnt get myself to go outside.
Some days are just harder than the others.
I want him back. Thats all I want.
Sinkerswim,
Me too, people on here either are stronger or dont care or understand, i also want to lay down & die. It's been 4 & half months & i feel worse i love her more & all this "time will heel" is bollocks, it ,makes us worse!
ABSCENCE MAKES THE HEART GROW FONDER ! so how can time heal? Complete rubbish.
I too am on medication for anxiety & now depression, becausec of our seperation, i spent all my life waiting for someoine like her & feel i never will find this again, but i wont, because i will be with her again!
no other conclusion!
OK I wentout with my friends for happy hour and now I am at another friends house thinking of him. This Sunday will be exactly onemonth since we saw each other and on Monday will be 2 months since he broke up woth me. It is not easier yet. It has taken everything out of me not to call. He has not called. I wonder since we spent almost 2 years together and we saw each other 2 or 3 times a week, Does he at all think of me? How can he not? When does this get easier? I hate Friday's. I used to love Friday's TGIF but now it's when will Monday get here so I can get back to work and make myself busy. I miss him just as if we broke up yesterday. When will I not feel this way?? I miss him soooo much
tearsfalling, you need time for such pain. DO not rush yourself.....these healing need time. If one month is not enough, use two months, else use three months or even more. Just relax..do not stress your system.
This is really bad for your own health.
I was dumped by my husband in August last year. It's been 6 months. No doubt, I still cry some times. But the kind of enormous pain at my chest has reduced greatly. Initially, I really feel a severe cut at my heart....i never knew that the pain can be so huge. I felt that I was breathless and I cannot live on without him. BUt all these are not true. We will get well and the pain will go away gradually. The part of missing him will also dimished as days go.
I have been telling myself a few sentences to encourage myself :
- Always look on the bright side of life. It's not the end of world though he left me.
- I will live even better than before.
Time is the biggest factor. Just hold on and wounds will heal.....they will close up.......
I'm on day 8 and I can't eat but make myself after my body begins shaking and getting that gittery feeling. I keep telling myself it'll all be over but this is interupting my school work.
What helps me sometimes is writing, I usually do this at my computer while I cry, it helps.
I've got to get ready for class and to tell you the truth I don't feel like going because I know I will not be able to focus.
Dear tearsfalling email me if you'd like to talk about anything.
I'll be thinking of you knowing my pain is also being felt by others in the world.
Wishing you tranquility,
-Erica
Tearsfalling & btterfly
I understand the pain, i lived with my s/o for 15 months, i had dinner ready everynight for her, as work patterns allowed me afternoon time, after we spent every night together, i'm in serious cold turkey & it's a pain.
Tears, i am seeing my doc for panic attacks mainly due now to mising her, it is truly like a drug that i loved everyday & now has been taken away.
I planned my life with her, as she did with me, i had things to look forward to, i don't now & my lifes come to a crashing halt & is heading over a cliff into a deep ravine!
I felt a little better last week, & hourly i do now, but then i deteriorate into an abyss of nervousness. I can't wait to see my councelor again, but then again she can't bring her back.
I know how you feel Monkey.
Even though my boyfriend ISNT my ex....I am waiting to know what he wants to do.
But, I havent heard from him since Feb. 14th.
So...I am really devastated because I am soooo used to being with him and my life was planned with him.
I want to pick up the phone so badly and just call....but when I get the urge, I stop myself.
Everyone is telling me he must not be ready to talk yet....
Its hard though.
I am going through the same pain.
I dont even know where to put myself.
Sometimes I feel confident that everything is going to be OK with him, other times I feel doom and gloom about the whole situation.
Ive been praying ALOT as well.
Sinkerswim,
Sorry, i hate it also when people say "your ex", because even though my panic attacks hurt her & she says she wants "space" & she does want to see me, just not now, i still believe that we will be together.
Each day is hellish.
I too get urges, sometimes i feel if i told her how crap i feel she would feel sorry, but i know it don't work this way, i even compose a sms but dont send it, in the past i have sent them & regreted it.. She's beautiful, far away from me & don't mind saying, i'm jealous as hell!
Please PM me for a chat & support!
Well, I I did it again. I emailed him. Why oh why did I do this. I send him an email Joke that was sent to me. It was funny, but why did I do it. He used to email me and say that was funny or something like that. He didn't. I did not add anytihng personal I sent it to alot of people, but WHY did I do that.
Today is exactly 2 months, the 15th since he broke my heart. Yesterday the 14th was 1 month since I saw him. This no contact rule is killing me. Why am I sitiing here hoping he misses me. Why do I say to myself he loves me and he will miss me. Why did I send that email. I WISH I DIDN'T! He now knows I am still dying for him. I feel like this has brought me back to square 1. I feel so weak and pathetic. I'm actually starting to get mad, like how could he. After almost 2 years of everything we shared and planned for our future, how could he just say I don't want to be in a relationship anymore. How could he just not call, email or something to check on me. How could he just toss me aside like I am nothing. Doesn't he realize this is tearing me apart.
I missed him last night so much, I cried for hours. Do tears ever run out? These 2 months have seemed like years, when will I wake up and be ok. I don't want to feel like this anymore.
Here I am reading all your advice, checking out all your threads and knowing the pain you are all going through. In 1997 my husband told me he wasn't coming home on leave (he was in the Royal Navy) - he told me, on the phone, that he wanted a divorce. For 4 months I thought it was a huge joke and actually felt physical pain - like my heart was broken (sounds corny I know but it is true!). Then he came to the house to collect his stuff and told me there was someone else. 3 months after that a friend told me his new girlfriend had had his baby. He never told me a thing, never explained why. It just happened. Some people cannot deal with the truth themselves, much less tell someone they once loved that it's over. For 4 months he let me believe he would come back and I hurt more than anyone can imagine. He never came back.
TIME DOES HEAL though - I promise. It took me 2 years - during which I made 2 suicide attempts, lived on Prozac and just "exsisted" and didn't take the time to truly enjoy what I was doing. Cut yourself off from the one who is hurting you COMPLETELY. It is the only way you can come to terms with what is happening and deal with what you are going through. You MUST learn to love yourselves and realise that this is NOT your fault. What is happening to you is horrible but it WILL get better. If I can do it then anyone can.
I still struggle with relationships, in fact although I've been single (on and off!) for a long time, I actually quite enjoy it. Make new friends - join clubs, go somewhere different, do an evening class. ANYTHING just move on and change your life - Be positive. This is a HUGE opportunity for you. Yes it is hard but it will work! My divorce has changed me and I truly believe I am a much better person for it because of the lessons I have learned. I know you can all do this too. In doing this you could possibly meet Mr / Miss Right! BUT don't do it for that reason! Do these things for YOU! YOU are the most important person in your life.
I haven't yet met Mr Right - although I've had a few relationships since. But now my life is full of things I love doing and people I love to spend time with. In fact I think I've recently met someone special, a potential Mr Right, and like a fool, let him go. It hurts and I want another chance with him to make it work but unless he feels the same I cannot force that on him. I will leave him alone and hope that he comes back. If it's meant to be, it will be. In the meantime though, I will not put my life on hold. I will keep doing the things I enjoy doing and already, the pain is easing. I have been through worse and I know I can come out the other side.
So can you all come through the other side. PLEASE believe me - you will feel better. Just give yourselves a chance. Tearsfalling, Monkey - my heart and my prayers go out to you both. IT WILL GET BETTER.
Tears Falling
Why not send something funny, yer know this is our personalitys, if they can't handle recieving a joke, f**k em!
Tears, i too cry a river when i get upset, but one day, when they know you hurt & don't care, you may see a moment of clarity, today i sent a sms & said how i feel & got nothing, so i think fu*k you!
One day she may realise & that time will only happen when we tell them to take a jump.,
I'm there fore you babe PM me if you feel!
I am so not alone, Thank you all for your replies. I am hoping and PRAYING that all the information I am reading is correct, that I will get through this it will get better. I do know one thing and that by accident I found this site and it has helped me more than anything. I have such gratitude for this site and all the members who read and reply. I hope one day I am ok enough to help someone as you guys have helped me. Well today I received some an email from my friend and I wanted to share it with all of you.
See Below. I know a little mushy but read anyway. It reminds me of my friends and all of you guys.
Please read this it is a true reminder why we have friends
One day, when I was a freshman in high school,
I saw a kid from my class was walking home from school.
His name was Kyle. It looked like he was carrying all of his
books.
I thought to myself, "Why would anyone bring home all his books on a
Friday?
He must really be a nerd."I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friends
tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on.
As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him.They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so
he landed in the dirt.
His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet
from him.
He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes.
My heart went out to him. So, I jogged over to him and as he crawled around looking for his glasses, and I saw a tear in his eye.
As I handed him his glasses, I said, "Those guys are jerks.
They really should get lives." He looked at me and said, "Hey thanks!"
There was a big smile on his face. It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude.
I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived.
As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before. He said he had gone to private school before now.
I would have never hung out with a private school kid before.
We talked all the way home, and I carried some of his books.
He turned out to be a pretty cool kid.I asked him if he wanted to play a little football with my friends.
He said yes. We hung out all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked
him, and my friends thought the same of him.
Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again. I stopped him and said, "Boy, you are gonna really build some serious muscles with this pile of books everyday!
" He just laughed and handed me half the books. Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends.
When we were seniors, we began to think about college. Kyle decided on Georgetown, and I was going to Duke.
I knew that we would always be friends, that the miles would never be a
problem.
He was going to be a doctor, and I was going for business on a football
scholarship.
Kyle was valedictorian of our class. I teased him all the time about being a nerd.
He had to prepare a speech for graduation. I was so glad it wasn't me having to get up there and speak.
Graduation day, I saw Kyle. He looked great.
He was one of those guys that really found himself during high school.
He filled out and actually looked good in glasses. He had more dates than I had and all the girls loved him. Boy, sometimes I was jealous.
Today was one of those days. I could see that he was nervous about his speech.
So, I smacked him on the back and said, "Hey, big guy, you'll be great!"
He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and
smiled "Thanks," he said.
As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began.
"Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years.
Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach...but mostly your friends...
I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them.
I am going to tell you a story."
I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the story of the first
day we met. He had planned to kill himself over the weekend. He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so his Mom wouldn't have to
do it later and was carrying his stuff home.
He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile. "Thankfully, I was saved.
My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable." I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us
all about his weakest moment.
I saw his Mom and dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile. Not until that moment did I realize it's depth.
Never underestimate the power of your actions.
With one small gesture you can change a person's life. For better or for worse.
God puts us all in each other's lives to impact one another in some way.
You now have two choices, you can:
1) Pass this on to your friends or
2) Delete it and act like it didn't touch your heart.
As you can see, I took choice number 1.
"Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly."
There is no beginning or end.. Yesterday is history.
Tomorrow is mystery. Today is a gift.
Just so you all know today I got up early for work.I got really dressed, did my hair and my make up, instead of going to work rolling out of bed as I have been doing since January and I felt better. I looked good, so it must be true that you feel how you look. I am in no way over my ex, but I had an ok day today. Today I felt a little mad at him. I felt how could you do this to me, to us. I thought to myself, he is giving up someone who would have loved and treasured him for the rest of his life, just because he doesn't want to work on a few stupid issues. I still haven't put his picture away off my desk, I am not ready not to see him every morning yet. I regret sending him an email but I cant change the past. Here's hoping to tomorrow, hoping it will be an ok day also.
Good luck and best wishes to you Tearsfalling. You will get through this, and come out of it even stronger! Don't be hard on yourself when you slip up. It's human. Your tears will get less in time. You will move on to new and wonderful things in your life, even though it doesn't feel like it now. Once you decide you can turn the corner, things will start to feel better and better.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
Day 8
Hybrid Mode
