[Arabess]

Hokey,
Your story reminded me of a contest once.....which was for artists to render a painting of 'Peace'. There were a lot of lovely tranquil scenes painted. The one which won, however, was a mother bird in a nest with her wings over her babies....in the midst of a great storm.

It's all about finding peace and love......in the 'midst' of everything bad.....which can make or break us. You found love within many many storms......and I really have a great respect for you.

I don't think less or more of someone if they decide to stay or leave a marriage which no longer works for them. It's a personal call. It's how they get thru their final decision.....which sets them apart.

Arabess

[HokeyReligions]

Arabess, I seem to remember seeing that painting. It was so heart-wrenching. I'll have to scan the 'net to see if I can find it again.

Errol, Thank you for not feeling sorry for me. I didn't post to gain sympathy - there isn't anything in my life for which to feel sorry.

At the onset of puberty my daughter started having some health problems. We found out she had a genetic heart condition. From diagnosis to death was less than a year. She was 13. Her brother at the time was 11. He had epilepsy since he was two and had some other health problems that go along with that. He was on several meds and we honestly thought that we would lose him long before her, but we still figured he would be grown--maybe in his 40's or 50's since the meds seemed to be helping. But when he was 14 he had a stroke and lived for a day and a half. I held my daughter when she died and my husband held me. My husband held out son when he died and I held my husband. The thing that still wakes me up at night is a thought that seems to zoom into my brain -- he was a year older than her when he died and that is just impossible because he was the little brother, therefore, neither of them are gone. Another form of denial I suppose. I don't think that will ever end -- it's been almost 4 years and almost 2 years and I still think I hear them in another room, or catch a glimpse of them walking around a corner. I am so very, very lucky to have had such wonderful, glorious kids in my life - to never have known them at all would be the real tragedy.

[Arabess]

My children are now 11 and 14....

I won't say I feel sorry for you...cause you said you didn't want that.....but my heart will cry for yours....okay???? For the rest of my life.....every Mother's Day.....I will remember you and wonder how you had the strength to move on.

[lostforwords]

my children too are now 11 and 14...... my son has epilepsy and asthma..... my daughter is healthy as a horse..... i cant even bear the thought of my life with out them hokey....... i just cant..... you are indeed the strongest woman i have yet to encounter in my life...... along with my aunt who buried 3 of her children as well due to illness. i dont feel sorry for you at all.... but admire the fact that you actually have the strength to endure some of lifes crap. i can only hope i can find your strength to deal with my petty bull***** problems. thank you so much for your story. it definately puts a lot of things in perspective for me.

[HokeyReligions]

Hug them for me Arabess, & lostforwords -- even if they resist!!! And I'll know that somewhere out there in the world a 14 y/o and an 11 y/o are being hugged like I used to hug mine -- and at least one of them will be saying "what is wrong with you mom?!"

[Thinkalot]

Hokey, I do also admire your strength and bright outlook and think your posts help me put my petty worries more in perspective!
I don't have kids yet, but I can only imagine how it would be to outlive your children.

[moimeme]

Blessings to you, Hokey.

[Tragedi67]

My heart goes out to you Hokey as when I read your story I cried. My mother has been a strong woman for most of her life and now is going through the point in her second marriage where she would prefer not to have sex at all with my stepfather. They are both going through some health problems right now, but they still remain together. I'm sorry for the loss of your children, I myself had Leukemia when I was a child and my mother was a single woman watching me through all my pain, I'm so proud that she held herself together for me. I have been in remission for over 12 years now. I only worry that when I may have kids that it may happen to them. Your story has touched me and I am printing it out so I may share a copy with my mother and keep a copy for myself. I'm still young, I was married for a short time, he left me for another woman and because I had a drug problem, but not anymore. He refused marriage counseling when I pleaded for him and I to work on our marriage. But I am fine now, and living my life one day at a time.

[Kay]

Hokey, when I joined LoveShack back in March of 2003, you were the first person to respond to my post about staying with my husband after his emotional affair with my best friend. I was completely flabbergasted that someone even cared enough to write, having never posted on a website of any kind.

Now, after reading your beautiful story, I am compelled to let you know how you touched my life then and how you continue to do so now.

There is a saying that I keep on my desk: "People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." (Maya Angelou)

You've made us all "feel." Keep in touch. I care. Kay

Thanks, Hokey, for your heartrending, terribly sad but nevertheless uplifting story of a marriage surviving, on its own terms, despite daunting odds.

That came from your soul.

Thank-you.

[Jtizzle]

Hokey u r a very strong and intelligent woman..u took a situation that would have been considered bad in others minds and u saw the positive in it..condolences on the lost of ur children and i wanted to say that ur story really inspired me to look at relationships and how i treat people differently..thank you very very much for letting me learn thru ur experiences i luv ya for that