Location: Alberta (Born in the Hometwon of the Calgary Flames!!)
Posts: 1,422
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I don't believe the affair had anything to do with her leaving her husband. I give her kudos for finally having the courage to leave on her own. Saying that cheating was the cause for leaving, makes no sense. The affair just filled her void that her abusive husband had emptied. Nothing positive came out of it. Still does'nt make it right. 2 wrongs don't make a right.
How do you know? are you her brain? are you her gut feelings? do you occupy ANYTHING about her to actually know why she did what she did? or any woman for that matter? NO your not, you can sit and base judgement on her all you want it still doesnt change the fact why she did what she did and the outcome of it. Im sure shed love to see someone convincing her the reasons she did it...... and remember what doesnt work for you may work for other people.... you way is not law nor is it 100% of societies way of thinking..... and i never said cheating was the cause of her leaving.... it had PART to do it... the feelings she gained her self worth her self esteem the GOOD feelings she got from her lover gave her the strength....... but alas i could tell you this over and over and over and you still wouldnt understand.... its like kicking a dead dog.... dude im not telling you to agree with it, iam asking you only see that theres NUMEROUS different reasons why..... and your reasons or opinions arent the status quo..... as far as you determining nothing postivie came out of it..... actually if you had actually OPENED yourself and absorbed and understood the entire post that i have been writing about this you will see that NOT only did she get the strength to LEAVE her ********* husband but she ALSO went back to school lost weight etc..... but obviously stuff like that means ***** you.... its too bad you cant see beyond your front nose to see the positiveness....
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As for Judging.....YES we should judge people based on their actions....I think it's naive not too. If we follow your way of thinking then I guess we should not judge people that have killed. We should say...."Well, he might have killed 10 people but maybe he feels better about himself. Maybe he is really a nice guy." How about a pedophile?? Lets use your friends story with a twist. She is in an abusive relationship but now she finds a 10 year old boy that satisfies her and makes her feel good about herself. Does'nt sound like a person that I would admire. Cheating is the same thing. It's NOT apples and oranges.
My point is, your friend did something wrong to feel better about herself. Does the mean justify the end? In this case it doesn't.
and for you to compare cheating to what you said at top...... i mean really, im done with you on this topic due to this particular paragraph.... after i read this, it only made me understand what kind of person would actually compare the 2..... someone who obviously lacks the knowledge to open his mind.... to see there are other opinions in this world...... i dont claim to say what she did was right i do belive however she did what she needed to do ...... and if you cant accept people doing things the way they do..... then i feel for ya..... this particular paragraph opened my eyes to see im dealing with someone who will never accept the fact this woman cheated for all the wrong reasons but it had a positive outcome that gave her the balls to finally get out of her dead end relationship..... ah the saying goes..... You can lead a horse to water, but ya cant make him drink!!!
Last edited by lostforwords; 21st November 2003 at 11:27 AM..
Originally posted by bark
One thing I've noticed on the infidelity threads are the "divorce before adultery" posts. A number of posters view adultery so negatively that divorce is given as the preferred option to having an affair. While perhaps reinforcing the poster's value system, is this "terminator" advice sensible as to many marriages?
Must honesty and the ensuing divorce to forestall adultery, however, always trump marriage? If a spouse, for whatever reason, seriously considers having an an affair, is divorce always preferable to the affair? Is a marriage wounded by an affair better than that marriage's death? By recommending divorce as an option in lieu of an affair, are these anti-adultery posters sacrificing marriage and family, however hurt, on the alter of absolute fidelity and honesty? Under the law of unintended consequences, is this "divorce before adultery" advice actually harmful to some marriages ?
Can adultery, in some marriages, especially with young children involved, actually be preferable to divorce? Are we destroying troubled marriages in order to save them. Are there any longitudinal studies as to what harms children more: a divorce or a parent's affair?
On some level, I find this "divorce before adultery" advice disconcerting.
The way I see it, if your going to have an affair then the marriage is already over. For whatever reason, your spouse has not filled your need and desire. Hence, if the marriage is over, get a divorce then get back on the dating scene.
Concerning children. Children will be children. Some will still love you in spite of what you do and some won't. BUT if you want to set an example then don't have an affair or anything else that you don't want your children to do.
Originally posted by lostforwords
How do you know? are you her brain? are you her gut feelings? do you occupy ANYTHING about her to actually know why she did what she did? or any woman for that matter? NO your not, you can sit and base judgement on her all you want it still doesnt change the fact why she did what she did and the outcome of it. Im sure shed love to see someone convincing her the reasons she did it...... and remember what doesnt work for you may work for other people.... you way is not law nor is it 100% of societies way of thinking..... and i never said cheating was the cause of her leaving.... it had PART to do it... the feelings she gained her self worth her self esteem the GOOD feelings she got from her lover gave her the strength....... but alas i could tell you this over and over and over and you still wouldnt understand.... its like kicking a dead dog.... dude im not telling you to agree with it, iam asking you only see that theres NUMEROUS different reasons why..... and your reasons or opinions arent the status quo..... as far as you determining nothing postivie came out of it..... actually if you had actually OPENED yourself and absorbed and understood the entire post that i have been writing about this you will see that NOT only did she get the strength to LEAVE her ********* husband but she ALSO went back to school lost weight etc..... but obviously stuff like that means ***** you.... its too bad you cant see beyond your front nose to see the positiveness....
and for you to compare cheating to what you said at top...... i mean really, im done with you on this topic due to this particular paragraph.... after i read this, it only made me understand what kind of person would actually compare the 2..... someone who obviously lacks the knowledge to open his mind.... to see there are other opinions in this world...... i dont claim to say what she did was right i do belive however she did what she needed to do ...... and if you cant accept people doing things the way they do..... then i feel for ya..... this particular paragraph opened my eyes to see im dealing with someone who will never accept the fact this woman cheated for all the wrong reasons but it had a positive outcome that gave her the balls to finally get out of her dead end relationship..... ah the saying goes..... You can lead a horse to water, but ya cant make him drink!!!
I don't claim to know what she was thinking but I do know that saying cheating was one of the reasons to give her the guts to leave is a load of crap. She left because she finally had enough. Mr. pickle tickle had nothing to do with it.
Maybe that's your problem. You don't see cheating as a big deal. It's life goes on. Do what you gotta do to make yourself happy. Who cares who gets hurt along the way. Me, me, me.......Very selfish.
Your friend had a lot of alternative ways to get out of the marriage. She made the wrong choice.
You said "What doesn't work for you may work for other people." Come on! Killing people doesn't work for me. But according to you if it works for others then hey let them kill people. Don't make a statement like that unless you know what your talking about.
Location: Alberta (Born in the Hometwon of the Calgary Flames!!)
Posts: 1,422
Quote:
You said "What doesn't work for you may work for other people." Come on! Killing people doesn't work for me. But according to you if it works for others then hey let them kill people. Don't make a statement like that unless you know what your talking about.
ok mr rationalized THINKING.... to think about killing and cheating being the same thing....wooooshhhhhh..... just curious tho... are you a jilted husband?...... cuz you seem to not be able to get passed the whole cheating/murder/holierthanthourightesounesscrap (my opinion from reading your posts) dood you think what you want...... its your opinion..... just know you cant force it down my throat but nice try....... its a good damn thing everyone is entitled to their own opinion..... LOLOLOL and as far as me making a statement..... i seem to obviously know a heck of a lot more and be openminded than you are/do.
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Maybe that's your problem. You don't see cheating as a big deal. It's life goes on. Do what you gotta do to make yourself happy. Who cares who gets hurt along the way. Me, me, me.......Very selfish.
Your friend had a lot of alternative ways to get out of the marriage. She made the wrong choice.
and btw just from reading this.... gives me the lil gut feeling you def are a jilted hubby........... dood..... look past those rose colored glasses.... thats all im asking... im not saying cheating is a good thing.... but people do it for different reasons, doesnt mean we have to agree with it.... just means thats everyone is different, and unfortunately your trying so hard to convince me i should be thinking otherwise.... when sadly enough im feeling nothing but pity......
Originally posted by lostforwords
ok mr rationalized THINKING.... to think about killing and cheating being the same thing....wooooshhhhhh..... just curious tho... are you a jilted husband?...... cuz you seem to not be able to get passed the whole cheating/murder/holierthanthourightesounesscrap (my opinion from reading your posts) dood you think what you want...... its your opinion..... just know you cant force it down my throat but nice try....... its a good damn thing everyone is entitled to their own opinion..... LOLOLOL and as far as me making a statement..... i seem to obviously know a heck of a lot more and be openminded than you are/do.
and btw just from reading this.... gives me the lil gut feeling you def are a jilted hubby........... dood..... look past those rose colored glasses.... thats all im asking... im not saying cheating is a good thing.... but people do it for different reasons, doesnt mean we have to agree with it.... just means thats everyone is different, and unfortunately your trying so hard to convince me i should be thinking otherwise.... when sadly enough im feeling nothing but pity......
Cheating and killing are not the same thing but they are both wrong. Which is my point. YES I agree everyone is diffrent but just because we are diffrent doesn't mean we should look the other way or have no opinion when someone does something wrong.
Not forcing anything down your throat. Your trying no harder to convince me that I am wrong then I am trying to convince you that I am right. According to you, when you talk it's an opinion, when I talk it's not. Who thinks who is holier than thou?
We just agree to disagree AND THAT is what makes the world go round.
Having an opinion and being judgemental are the same thing. Just one sounds nicer then the other.
The problem with cheating is that if your husband finds out he can divorce you and will stand a much better chance of getting custody of the kids as well as leaving you little or no alimony.
Not sure about the legality issue when infidelity is brought up in court. It's diffrent in each state. It's actually hard to prove infidelity in court unless you have pictures or video. Not sure how that will effect the decision in court in terms of alimony or custody cases.
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