[amerikajin]

I'm not Asian, but I have a bit of Native American background on my mother's side, which gives my face an Asiatic appearance according to some. I've never had a complex about it. What's more, I've known full-blooded Asians, and though they (like everyone else) have been rejected by some, they've been readily accepted by others.

Your story says nothing to me. Maybe your friend just didn't have the right moves that night. Maybe the girls who mobbed the black guys knew them or had seen them before. I've known Asian guys who've done quite well, but in each case they were confident guys who didn't feel like they had to prove they weren't just a garden variety Asian. Heck, I've actually got some major cosmetic strikes against me underneath my shirt, and I'm probably a bit too scrawny for some who prefer the rough and buff guys. It doesn't matter - I'm good looking enough to get noticed by the women I'm usually looking for.

Look, I've been there where your friend's been, in a bar, competing with other guys, striking out after trying to play the game...and I finally gave up and decided the bar's not my battlefield. It has nothing to do with the fact that I'm scrawny or what not; it's because I don't have the energy or the desire to throw a bunch of cheesy lines at some girl I've never met and may never want to meet again just for a "dick-lay" (sorry Dave1234, I couldn't resist). I've accepted the fact that not every chick that I want is going to want me back, and you know what? If that don't want me, I don't want them either.

I hate to be so damn blunt but stop feeling sorry for yourself and saying "I'm Asian, so I guess I'll never get a white babe." No wonder you won't. With a self-defeatist attitude like that, I'm surprised you'd get an Asian women to give you a second look. I don't mean that personally, either. I'm just trying to say it's not what it seems. You're your own worst enemy if you think like that.

Wow, this is quite a coincidence fro me. I just started lurking the dating section today because I am going on a first-time date with a half-Asian guy this week-end, and I wanted dating advice. (I am White). I was just hoping for dating tips, since it's been a while for both of us. I never thought of the attractiveness issue of Asian guys. Actually, I am extrememy attracted to this guy,physically and personality wise and intellectually. His look (In my smitten eyes anyway) is a combination of Robert DeNiro/Dustin Hoffman/half Asian. I am only 5' 3 1/3" and average weight, so I guess his smaller build for a guy is not an issue with me.

I find this guy (who was raised in U.S. but with lots of Asian culture) to be sweet and slightly tentative. But I fnd he won't just be direct in his courting, and actually I see that as part of his charm For example, he'll say, "I'd like to see this movie this week-end...." instead of just asking me to go. Someone told me that Asian men are not direct with women. Is that true? I really feel that there is an attraction between us, but should I expect a kiss on the first date? Should I judge his reserved behavior differently thatn a guy raised in western culture?

Fianl question: I am SO NERVOUS about dating him cause it's been so long (We are each divorced, in our 30's). I'm afraid I'll blush or have shaky hands when taking a drink. Any tips would be appreciated!!

There is nothing wrong for an Asian guy in America to pursue non-Asian women. Many of us get turned on when we get rejected. It makes us want to question society's lack of familiarity and/or acceptance of us. We live and contribute to this society too. It really stinks to be put on the social margins of alienation.

[monkey00]

Originally posted by Shadylady
Wow, this is quite a coincidence fro me. I just started lurking the dating section today because I am going on a first-time date with a half-Asian guy this week-end, and I wanted dating advice. (I am White). I was just hoping for dating tips, since it's been a while for both of us. I never thought of the attractiveness issue of Asian guys. Actually, I am extrememy attracted to this guy,physically and personality wise and intellectually. His look (In my smitten eyes anyway) is a combination of Robert DeNiro/Dustin Hoffman/half Asian. I am only 5' 3 1/3" and average weight, so I guess his smaller build for a guy is not an issue with me.

I find this guy (who was raised in U.S. but with lots of Asian culture) to be sweet and slightly tentative. But I fnd he won't just be direct in his courting, and actually I see that as part of his charm For example, he'll say, "I'd like to see this movie this week-end...." instead of just asking me to go. Someone told me that Asian men are not direct with women. Is that true? I really feel that there is an attraction between us, but should I expect a kiss on the first date? Should I judge his reserved behavior differently thatn a guy raised in western culture?

Fianl question: I am SO NERVOUS about dating him cause it's been so long (We are each divorced, in our 30's). I'm afraid I'll blush or have shaky hands when taking a drink. Any tips would be appreciated!!

no you shouldnt judge it differently, guys in fact dont like to reveal their feelings..so maybe its a high possiblity he does like you.
NERVOUS?? sounds to me like you're head over heels for him. just be yourself and good luck!

Originally posted by Jeff
^Monkey00,

I was at a club up in San Francisco a month ago, and hate to admit that stereotypes and a lack of exposure to keep down the Asian man in this country. Yes, even the strong and handsome ones too. Look, my friend, a Filipino guy in the Navy is 5'10, muscular, a Judo expert, good looking (at least to our Asian standards) and articulate. He can get with any Asian chick he can. But, his preference has always been white, Hispanic and Arabian girls. Nothing wrong with that. He's American-born so it shouldn't be surprising if he is attracted to other races. Well, at the club, he went up to every white and Hispanic girl he came across. He was outspoken, nice and flirtatious with them. It was very disheartening to see that some of them looked at him as he was from outer space. He asked 11 white and Mexican girls, before one finally relented to dance with him. I saw the hurt and anger in his eyes. Most guys would feel down after 5-6 rejections. My friend fought on. Was it worth it? I don't know. But, I think we need more Asian guys like him to not be afraid and show the world we as Asian men can be capable of being lovers too. I know my friend's experience is not an exception. There are perhaps many Asian brothers who had similar experiences. I am not complaining, but we live in this society and want to be socially integrated like all others. If my friend can serve and die for this country, why is he not able to date a girl only because he has an Asian face?

On the otherhand, at that same club, I saw some black dudes who were not as fit and strong as my friend, yet they got mobbed by the women of all races in there like they are celebrities or rock stars. That club, like a lot of clubs are racist IMO against Asian guys. The whole nightclub scene is racist IMO. It's just a nightclub, but these places are highly telling of how society at large accepts and rejects certain groups on a romantic level. Much of it based on images and stereotypes we get from media influences/trends.
By me talking and complaining on the Internet is not enough. These are very real issues faced by young Asian American men in this society. It is a problem we can't really argue against without being labeled bigots, but the biggest bigotry is the emasculated image of Asian men as well as Black women in the dating arena. Many of it beyond their own control.

damn that club must've been wack to play your friend like that. is it possible he was going about it all wrong?? girls can smell when you are the needy type a mile away, that really turns them off.
and as i said....hell if he does have the build, the attitude, and the looks then too bad for those bitches, it's still their loss either way for not giving your buddy a chance.

i mean even having the looks, the attitude, the build, can get you one step closer of where u wanna be, compared to someone who's average....but you have to be attractive.
handsome is physical appearance, while attractiveness is a completely different ball park. it's possible to be handsome and unattractive at the same time.

in another post i told a story of how this white girl told my friend her opinion on the topic:
"asian guys are beautiful, but they're just not sexy."

you know how ppl liek to say that johhny depp/orlando jones is sexy...they have a certain zing/style that makes many girls consider them sexy. if comparing a much handsomer guy with big muscles that also does big movies like them, they would lose. Cause they just dont have "it" whatever "it" is, that is for us discover....

[sarah12]

Shadylady - there are Asian men of all kinds, but I would say that for the most part, a lot of asians are reserved due to their upbringing and culture. I think that you should just go on this date and enjoy each other's company, without expecting anything. That way you won't be disappointed. This goes for anyone going on a date anyways. Everyone is different in their 'style' of dating, and so it's best to not expect anything when going on a first date. I think that the fact you are so nervous means you are quite attracted to this guy. Take it slow and try to calm yourself a bit. Good luck!

As for the debate on asian guys - you can't help who you are attracted to. I don't think that we should date on the basis of being politically correct. But I do believe that people of all races need to broaden their horizons and meet (not necessarily date) others from different cultures. I am fortunate to attend a very multiracial school and to live in a country where multiculturalism is widely accepted. I cannot begin to even tell you how much I have learned through my experiences from meeting people from all over the world and from many different religions and cultures.

Monkey00

As bad as it looks, I don't think it is a lost game or handicap on us. Things happen because we make them happen. If you are driven by a goal, there is no way or nothing, not anyone or anything can stop you. I am still inspired by Bruce Lee. It is his kind of confidence and fearlessness that we Asian men living in Western societies need to emulate. No one set the parameters for Bruce. The man set the tone for others. I am sure if more Asian brothers are assertive in their love of non-Asian women, we will see more of it happening. To be honest, I already see it here in southern California. It needs to start somewhere and sometime.

[amerikajin]

Good point, Jeff.

If I may say so, I've always noticed and admired that kind of spirit in Asian culture and in Asian-American/North American culture. Asians generally don't spend a lot of time feeling sorry for themselves; instead, they perservere and rise to the challenge...and they often overcome those challenges.

I do think there is a stereotype of an Asian man, just as there is a stereotype of every type of ethnicity and both genders. It's even regional, too. I remember one time when I was spending a summer in No Cal seeing how girls reacted whenever I told them I grew up in Louisiana. It was as if I told them I don't use deodorant and I never change my underwear. Even so, there were a couple of women who were into me. Ahhh...if only I hadn't been so shy back then.

I digress. The point is, if you can just learn to appreciate what Western men typically seek in a woman and then adjust accordingly, I think you won't be writing here talking about how white women don't like Asian men for too much longer.

[InmannRoshi]

My best friend is Korean, and he has an absolute stunning girlfriend who literally chased him because she "has a thing" for Asian men. She asked him on the first date.

But I will concede that its the exception and not the rule. Asian women are often lusted over by men because they are perceived as being so stereotypically femine. I assume the reverse stereotype probably effects Asian men in an adverse way.

[monkey00]

Originally posted by InmannRoshi
My best friend is Korean, and he has an absolute stunning girlfriend who literally chased him because she "has a thing" for Asian men. She asked him on the first date.

But I will concede that its the exception and not the rule. Asian women are often lusted over by men because they are perceived as being so stereotypically femine. I assume the reverse stereotype probably effects Asian men in an adverse way.

wtf is stereotypically femine??

u mean stereotypically unaggressive? or something similar.

well looks like she succeeded, ppl spend half their lives chasing a person of a certain race while others may just give up and go with anyone as long as they truly care for one another.

Ok, this thread is too funny. First of all, for those of you lusting after Asian women believing they are loyal and more feminine, thank you for that misconception. As an Asian woman, I have dealt with both Asians and Americans (came here when I was 8), there are disloyal and masculine women in all ethnicities.

I have known many white men who dated Asian women and made the mistake thinking they are this loyal faithful thing (what are we dogs?) that will never stray. Let me tell you something, almost everyone of them had been royally screwed over by their Asian girlfriends. I also have known many white men who only dated white women and they too have been royally screwed over. My point here is it's not the ethnicity but the person's morales that determine whether they are loyal. I for one will never cheat, but that is not from my Asian teachings or my American exposure, it's something I expect for myself.

As for Asian women being more feminine, what would you describe as feminine and attractive? Do you mean someone slender, athletic, and healthy? Well there's women of every ethnicity that fits that category. Trust me, there are some BIG Asian girls. By feminine do you mean submissive? Most Asian women I know these days are long past that old stereotype. They are just as assertive and independent as any non-Asians. It's odd that so many of you believe Asian women are "more feminine" while the basic definition of femininity by most men is t&a. Now before I start getting flame for making that statement, I am one of those Asian girls who has t&a (and yes I am thin thanks to healthy eating and the gym) so I'm not saying Asians don't have those attributes. But I would think that more men would be attracted to non-Asians because it's more common in non-Asians.

As for Asian men not getting any loving. I live in a very diverse city (Washington, DC) and there are some fine Asian brothers I would love to date. To me Asian men are as diverse as they come. sure you have the undesirable FOBs (whom I assume is the general stereotype) but how about Latin or Middle Eastern immigrants? Why is it women lust over the "Latin Lover" or the "Arabian Knight" but not the Asian men? Not all immigrants are uneducated and unfashionable. Within the whole Asian male category we got the Americanized to the core Asians, the well integrated Asians (Americanized but kept in touch with their roots), the FOBs, and the self hating Asians (those who do whatever they can to be non-Asian). Guess what guys, there are all of these types of men in every race. Not many women fighting to date Urkel if you know what I mean.

Keep your chin up Asian men, as long as you make yourself a worthy man, you will not have problems finding a woman who would love to share their life with you. And just to let you guys know that not all Asian men are duds, my cousins Henry and Calvin are over 6'3, play numerous sports (and great at them), are volunteer firemen, both are successful professionals (read filthy rich), charming, caring, model looks, and both have so many women of all races chasing after them they had to make their number unlisted.

[Tilly]

Originally posted by asdfg
Like I said earlier, you asian guys dont need to hate on us white guys who like asian women. Lets just say we have something in common where we enjoy the finer things in life. Forget many of those white,black and latino women. Remember im a white guy who understands what you asian guys are going through, but im telling you its not worth it chasing after women of other ethnicities. You guys are too good for them. Asian women are the best, and you guys already got that.

I am a black woman who date Asian men and love all of them, Korean, Chinese, Japanese and I get much love back, I am not multi racial just very confident about who I am and what I am and what I want.

First why the hell do Asian men believe that white women are the standard of beauty or the equalivant of being in a GOOD relationship, white women are literally mutilating themselves's to look BLACK, they get breast implants, chin implants, tan to a crisp, get butt implants, hell most of them don't even were there natural hair color (full frontal identity crisis) with these women...are you telling me that Asian men on this site are so shallow that they would pursue women that don't have a clue how MARVELOUS Asian men are.

Give me a break about this Asian women are more femine...I have a co-worker born in raised in China working in the US and let me tell you...she ain't never been to the hood, but can drop it like its hott...talk slang and jerk her neck back and forth with much attitude. She is marrying a Chinese man, never dated outside of her race and will get an attitude real quick.

Some white men are mentally crippled...they have to go and find someone to make them feel like the man, to feel masculine.

A confident man know's he's the MAN and know's he's MASCULINE and nothing outside of himself will make him change his mind. That is what I see in Asian men...confidence about who and what they are, don't let your confidence be shattered because some of your women choose to go to the other side.

Some men need to grow up and stop running from the truth and admit that they are mentally weak, emotoinally crippled, needing their egos stroked second on the second and can't handle the pressure of being in a constructive, strong relationship.

I advise the Asian men not to play into WHITE AMERICA'S IDEA of BEAUTY...IT'S A FALSITY...there are femine Hispanic, Black, Mulatto women in every race and trust me all the black women that I know ABSOLUTELY LOVE ASIAN MEN. Why because there back grounds are not much different than hours...alot of us grow up with strict parents, and we can definitely relate to Asian people and there culture.

WHITE WOMEN, ASIAN WOMEN, BLACK WOMEN, LATINO WOMEN all have commonalities...we all want to feel safe and secure...we all want to know that we can trust our man to be a man and stand up for his family and retain family value's in the home.

There are some WHITE WOMEN, ASIAN WOMEN, BLACK WOMEN, LATINO WOMEN that are looking for fun, a free ride, jewelry, clothe's....a house on the hill for some loving or perks for just being with her and these are what we call GAMERS AND PLAYAS, some are borderline TRICKS running game on men that have this premature IDEA that he is running the relationship all the while getting hustled and played.

They have this you have to pay to play with them attitude and I'm sure Asian women don't have to ask for what they want because there is some captain save a ho white boy or black boy around the corner using her as a NOVELTY and not as a human being but SUBJECTS OF FALSE DESIRE ONLY DESERVING TO BE LOVED FOR FALSE NOTIONS THAT HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH LOVE.

Asian women are probably the smartest women on the planet and I'm sure if they mess with enough White men and black men there DNA will probably change into an instant Playa at some point...JADED beyond repair. I see so many white women in my town getting dragged down by black men...they look old and tired, fed up, disgusted, just busted and they hold there heads up high like they got a prize or something and us sistas are giggling and laughing because we been there and done that and were OVER IT!

For instance in my town all you see is black women with Asian men, or white men and the brothas get so Hot headed they can't contain themselves, and have to say something, like what can he do for you...I tell you pure JEALOUSY...so what do you think your women will think when they see you doing your thing.

Have you ever thought that if you Asian guys get up and start dating Latino, Black, Philipino any woman of color and do it in the 100s or 1000s or dare I say millions that your women will turn around and feel the same way you feel and come back home to the real deal...get with the program fellas...enough sulking and do the dam thang! You will become the envy of all and I mean all!!

My Asian brotha's get out and be BRAVE and get with women who want you for you. Seek women who love your looks and love your intellect and love your lack-less sense of humor as some say....love everything about you because I certainly love everything about you.

So any Asian men looking for a QUEEN who can treat you like a KING, I'm here to bow to the CROWN, because I know that your the next best thing to chocolate latte's and Sushi....personal message me and I will definitely get back at ya!

Keep your heads up...your time is coming and WHITE WOMEN or any race that has dissed you will be in front of the line, breaking there necks to get in your pants! But remember what they are saying today on this site so when your time comes and you become the POPULAR, MASCULINE SUBJECT OF WOMENS EYES TO BEHOLD, you can back up and not beleive the HYPE from jaded women who can't find or appreciate and love the beauty in you or your culture.

The clock is ticking......trust what I say...20012 will tell the tell (trust)

[bykenore]

Originally posted by aedfrevb
I'm a white guy, and i only go for asian women, but its not just cause i got yellow fever. Heres my three reasons why i like asian women

1. Asian women are more loyal, white women are too shallow and mainly go for looks. Most white women would dump her current boyfriend or cheat on him for another one with a nicer body, even if the guy treats her like trash

2. Many asian women are slim, slender and sensual, compared to many of the white husky butch white women.

3. Asian women are usually more conservative, compared to the majority of white women who just go around screwing everything at a bar.

I have to say I've lived (and do live) in areas with large Asian-American populations, and I've dated several Asian women, and that sounds exactly like what guys who've never lived in areas with large Asian-American populations always say about Asian women.

They often end up getting rude shocks when they find out Asian women are in fact real people.

I'd say to Dreamrunner, you just need to tap into those legions of shy, lonely anime chicks - try livejournal

[johnnycab]

Jesus christ!

Close your eyes and look at these people, we are all the same.

Ive known asian women who are wonderful people, and ive known some who are not. Same with white, indian, black, whatever.
I know there is a cultural differnce, asian women tend to be more respectful than caucasians, but its a generalisation, i used to know this filipino girl who was obssesed with money, all the time. till it bored the hell out of me.

My advice: Everyone be yourself, be who you are and what you are, if an asian man tries to pull a white girl and she says no, **** her, shes too shallow.
i got Yellow fever, really too much, but i still woldnt turn anyone down if they wasnt.

Adios.

Originally posted by amerikajin
I'm an American guy who has a very bad case of yellow fever, but that's not to say that I don't find beautiful women in other ethnicities. I think the thing I find about Asian women - particularly those who live in Asia - is that they are very well kept. I don't mean this as a slight, but with all the fast food in North America, too many women are just plain outta shape (guys, too, of course...I was turning into a round mound myself til I came here).

Asian women also have the appeal of being ultra feminine. They're soft, slender, speak in a higher pitched voice, tend not to be overly aggressive when in the presence of a male...in short, they're a husky guy's dream in many ways.

I find that Asian women do have their negatives, though. There are times when I really miss the forthrightness of North American women. I sometimes miss the drive and challenges that North American women pose, and sometimes Asian women can outright bore the ***** out of me. North American women know how to make me laugh. I realize some of it is lack of mutual cultural awareness, but even those who do understand English well don't really make me laugh or strike me as particularly possessive of a sharp wit when it comes to humor (otherwise, they're every bit as bright as I am of course).

As for why Asian guys don't get the love from North American women, my guess is I that it's most likely a clash of virtues. Asian men tend to be socially cautious and circumspect; North American women want their men to be bold, forthright and assertive. Asian men are often ambitious, and that works in their favor; however, I think many North American women believe that Asian men are in love with computers and jobs, and nothing else. Asian men traditionally tend to prefer stoicism and silent strength; North American look for the strong silent types, but ones who can occasionally cut up and have some fun. Asian men are conditioned to be consistent at all costs; North American women want guys who aren't afraid to be spontaneous. I'm obviously in no position to challenge the women on what they do or don't find attractive in a guy, though I hope I've added some things for the women on this forum to think about. Maybe I'm off base here...I don't know. My guess is that if you could convince North American women that you're Asian in ethnicity but Canadian in your spirit, you'd probably do just fine. I've met Asian guys who are quite successful with the ladies, but in each case, they were obviously the same in character as their white, black or latino counterparts.

I think you are right on the money! I recently had a falling out with a friend over this same situation. Yes, he is very bright, cute, has a wonderful smile, and very funny personality. But he gave in more to the demands of his job than to his personal life. While I respect a strong work ethic, I still think family and friends are just as important. We all know that our careers can put a strain on us both mentally and phsyically. However, sometimes you just have to make the time for yourself. Otherwise, life will have passed you by and you will have missed out on some great opportunities.

PS - We are in the process of mending our relationship.

[Chibaby]

Personally, I yellow fever DISGUESTS me. Being a half Japanese girl, I dated a white guy who I thought loved me for me. WRONG. He loved me for being ASIAN! I guess being half I wasn't Asian enough to fufill his fantasy. I think this is SICK! He was always trying to act asian, into martial arts, asian cuisine, kung fu movies...etc...how did I not pick up on it until it was too late? Funny thing...he's dating an asian now! Poor Girl! You should like someone for who they are. You should be attracted to someone based on their physical and emotional qualities, not their racial qualities. People of EVERY race are attractive. I don't understand why people don't see this and go only after one race! Also, what's up with people saying asian woman are so much more "feminine, loyal, soft etc...that is such a stereotype! It is very ignorant! I mean my grandma is asian, cheated on her husband, can drink any man under the table...and there are many more out there like her! It also bugs me when Asian girls only like white dudes...I mean please! Asian men, don't let these women get you down. Lets see...Jet Li or Jerry Seinfield? Thats a toughie!!! There ya go. Love one love all!