[Gator]

WHOOPS!!! LOL I meant I wasnt ready to DATE again, let alone have an intimate relationship with another WOMAN. lol She sure rushed into her situation with this guy in a hurry.

I think its to show a rich, successful attorney that she's a red-hot woman who's different than any other woman he's met. What he doesn't know is that she's in it solely to have a child and a life of $$.

I can only reason that he sees through this; unfortunately, I didn't until it was too late.

One last comment Jenny: I dont think I"m perfect at all. I have my flaws. I committed adultery which I"m not proud of. But at least I knew my marriage was over a full 18 months before we even met. I have felt more married to my nightmare the past 2 1/2 years than I have my wife for a number of reasons: love, compassion, friendship. We called each other soulmates. I haven't been intimate with my legal wife in years.

On paper I"m married to someone else, but in my heart I was married, joined by souls, to my nightmare. I let my heart go and my guard down and got burned. I'm far from perfect and have my share of flaws. But loyalty, faithfulness, and commitment to a relationship aren't part of those flaws. Nonetheless, I appreciate your comments and welcome another point of view!

Thanks again for all the support from the both of you. I'm dreading seeing her tonight. But I have to pick up my work's equipment and put this chapter behind me.

[midori]

Originally posted by Gator
Thanks again for all the support from the both of you. I'm dreading seeing her tonight. But I have to pick up my work's equipment and put this chapter behind me.

Good luck and let us know how it goes. I hope you won't let her get you into any kind of conversation, either of the seemingly benign and banal sort, or about "deeper" things. Nothing to discuss. At the same time, don't get yourself all pumped up to make her feel bad by ignoring her -- cause you might trip yourself up if you're expecting her to try to talk to you and she doesn't. Speaking from experience here.

Your mission: get in, get your stuff, leave hers, get out. That's all. If she offers no resistance in that, great. If she does, you've gotta move cos you've got plans for the evening.

You made some plans didn't you? If not, order one of your employees to meet you at the local tavern for a Very Important Meeting during which The Drinks Are On You. And then kick back and watch whatever sporting event is on the bar's television. Let your employee go home after one drink if they want to.

But make yourself accountable to someone to be somewhere else, away from her, half an hour after you arrive at her house.

Fingers are crossed Gator. You'll be fine.

[Gator]

Midori:

I get the feeling you know EXACTLY what went down here and understand EXACTLY how I'm feeling and coping with all this. You have become the one true support I've been talking to about this and I appreciate all your kind words and thoughts.

I'll let you know via PM what happens. Thank you so very much.

G

[Gator]

I have finally moved on with the help of her 'ex-best friend/sister/girlfriend' who my nightmare also cut off and alienated after their three year relationship.

It was through her ex best friend I learned of three other instances over the past 2 1/2 years that my nightmare was unfaithful. It has also come out that her attorney friend "who she claims she is getting serious with even though they haven't seen each other in two months" not only HAS three children of his own (she said originally that he didn't have any), but that he's 'fixed' and can't have children of his own. LOL

In the course of the past two months she's called and invited me over and dropped subtle hints of potential intimacy. Lately, its been the same, occassional call to invite me to her home, and then breaking the plans at the last minute.

While we're not a pyschologists, in order to heal ourselves her ex best friend and I spent hours on the phone trying to find the reason(s) why someone we loved and cared for so cruelly dropped our relationships, and friendships, and love, without any remorse. The answer can be summed with the definition of a Narcissitic Personality. When I read the HUNDREDS of testimonies on this I felt such relief, such cleansing. It wasn't me at all and there was NOTHING I could've done to prevent this. But the red flags that were there from the very beginning were reinforced by these testimonies...and when I read these, I shook. The pattern(s) were IDENTICAL to what I went through.

A Narcisstic Personality feels no love, no remorse. There entire being is searching for more sources to fuel their attention and ego...and once you are used like a vampire using their prey, you are discarded with no sense of emotion or feeling. YOu are replaced by someone else who can serve as a source. Of course it is much deeper than that, but I recommend to ANYONE who is living with, friends with, or acquanted with a narcisstic personality to learn all you can about this disorder. They are unable to continue a healthy, normal, loving relationship. Their 'real self' discards, humiliates, demeans...but in their 'illusion,' their grandoise self is admired, loved, and the source of everyone's attention. In short...when a new, better and improved source comes along, the solid, time honored foundation is boring and burned to the ground. That is their mode.

For me now...its' been over three months and I have no desire to ever see, speak to, or ever be with her again. I'm healing day by day, but learning about narcisstic personalities has enabled me to at least know I never want to be in that type of relationship ever again. Her ex best friend and I have become good friends. We learned that she pitted each other against each other in order for us NOT to become friends, let we begin to compare notes about our nightmare and get to know the real her. For 2 years I begged my nightmare to include her friend and her husband in our outings, only to be told they weren't interested. Her friend did the same, only to be told I didn't like them. The lies came out the minute she ditched us both uceremoniously. Her friend was discarded after the nightmare had too much to drink and acused her friend of dating another friends ex...sounds almost too comical to believe! LOL Three years of a realtionship down the drain over hearsay...and coming from someone who was acusing someone of unfaithfulness days after being unfaithful to our relationship. The drama a narcisstic personality creates is ever-going because they hate the normal loving routine a long term relationship creates.

I also have begun to at least speak to my wife again and spend more time with my children. I've missed 2 years of the kids life I"ll never have back again. As far as my wife is concerned, who knows? We have never 'gotten along' better than we have the past two months. Maybe I had become a mirror image of my nightmare....and now I"m becoming more and more like my old self.

Thanks for this board. Good luck and God bless to you all.

G