biologically, people can start mating at about 13 y.o., right? so no condoms in elementary school =)
But I wanted to say something about rebellious kids & rules. Teachign the kid to respect authority & all that will keep them at bay for a long time, BUT it does build up inside, and once they're off to college, they go CRAZY. There has to be a good balance, just like with everything else.
my comment about kids wanting and needing boundaries stems from something my niece told me when she was 15 or 16 -- my sister was a single mom who worked a lot, who didn't want to be the "bad guy" by imposing any restrictions of her kids (though I think it also stemmed from her being a rebel herself).
My niece and I once got into a conversation about being in situations where she was being asked to make decisions that she didn't feel comfortable making and then getting into trouble for using her judgment -- at that time, the issue centered around her hanging around all night with friends, not really doing anything, but hanging around all night then coming in whenever she wanted.
She had said it was hard to decide when to call it quits when her own mother refused to set a curfew for her or her brother, then she threw me off by saying, "you know, as much as we push and complain and fight about rules, I think a lot of kids are glad they're there, because it shows us how much our parents care enough about us to set them, and I wish my mom would do that for us." This child has always been level-headed and responsible, but to hear her admit that made me realize that it's all about having that net of safety and security, of knowing that even though when you're younger you don't care for the rules, it's also kind of nice knowing that someone else is responsible for making decisions, not you ...
Last edited by quankanne; 18th July 2003 at 12:16 PM..
I couldn't understand why she fought me so hard on everything! She would actually instigate fights with me and enjoyed pushing me over the edge and watching me get mad. She even dared me to hit her...BEGGED ME...and when I refused, she'd even get madder!
I thought for sure my daughter was loosing her mind. To my surprise, she even physically threatened her councilor. After many sessions, she finally confessed that she "liked" it when Mom stood up to her. Because the rest of the authority figures in her life were such a push-overs, the resistance she got from me "ironically" gave her some bizarre sense of "security." Somehow, she thought that this made her feel loved, that someone actually gave a d*mn about her!
It's not that she wasn't showered with love and attention. As a matter of fact, she almost received so much of it from family and friends (she was very popular in high school)...that compliments, hugs, and the many gifts that were lavished upon her by her father and grandparents (she was spoiled) had no meaning to her any more.
I was absolutely FLOORED by this Revelation and still have a difficult time understanding how someone could resort to such tactics, feed off of such drama, just to get some kind of attention...even if its negative!
Any psychiatrists here that can explain this strange behavior??
right... the fact that you have to post something online asking other people for reasons why your daughter should not be allowed to 'go out' with another boy proves that you don't really have any good reasons for her not to, you need to let her have freedom, but try to talk a lot about everything, so that she feels she can confide in you instead of having to hide her real life and real self from you. the more you forbide her from dating the more distant your relationship will become, and 13 is a critical time, that could dictate how strong or weak your relationship with her is in the future
I believe that you, as a parent, do have a right to dictate whether or not your daughter has dating privileges at her age. I do not feel that thirteen is an age at which a child ought to start becoming involved in relationships. Do not believe when she informs you that everyone else is allowed to do something, as this is most likely a lie. Even if this were true, you raise your children in the manner in which you believe is best.
I find it humorous that your daughter expects you to provide her with what she is going to consider a reasonable explanation as to your decision. I doubt that any view on the topic aside from hers will seem reasonable in any sense, so why bother explaining? If you choose to provide her with an explanation, simply tell her precisely why you feel as you do. You obviously have reservations and beliefs, and it should not be difficult explaining to her WHY you are making such a decision. "Just because" is not a good response. I recommend you provide her with insight into your decisions.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
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