i guess we've all been up that alley where we fell in love with the wrong person. im currently living with my MM because when his wife found out she left but the still talk everyday about her coming back. im deeply in love with him but i don't know how im going to let him go if she does return. i never thought it would last but atleast i fell in love. so where do we go from here how do we deal with ourselves? any suggestions? i know its a sin but you can't help who you fall in love with.

I'm 28 and i'm in love with a man who is 41. We've been together for about a year. I left my husband 3 months ago because i was not happy. I wasn't happy 3 years ago, but i just finally got the courage to make him leave recently. My married man does tell me that he won't leave his wife. I know this. But i still hang on to every word that he says, trying to find some little bit of hope that some day he will. I want to tell him it's over, and he wants to tell me the same thing, but neither of us can. We are madly in love with each other. He doesn't want to hurt his kids, that's the only reason he is still there. I cry myself to sleep every night, then get up and wait for his phone call. We see each other every day at work, get together once a week or so, and talk every day. We weren't supposed to fall in love with each other. We were only supposed to hook up for a little fun and excitement that we were both missing out of our relationships. Now we are in way too deep. What do i do?

I 'm not sure if I'm doing this right but I'll tell you if I knew the answer I would not be writing. I never thought I would even consider a married man because both of the men i had children by left me for another woman. I thought how could another woman do that knowing the person was in a relationship or married yet now I too find myself failing for a Dr. i work with in the same hospital. I can't beleive I am considering it but theere is something about him. I feel like such a fool and I haven't even slept with him. The flirtation has been going on for about a year and a half. I never thought I would be in this position...

Originally Posted by lovely972000

I am sad to that I have falling in love with a married man. I have tried my best to be mean to him to get these loving feeling I have for him out my head. I work in the ER at our hospital in town. The man I have falling for is a doctor there. I have been knowing him for about a year and our connection was instant. I don'tknow what to do I love him so much to the point that I can't sleep at night. We have not have had sex, we have only kissed. I know it's wrong but the feeling I have feels so right. He knows that I love him, but what good does that make. I can't stand the thought of me loving him beciase I know that it is wrong. But when ever I'm near him I feel like the world just stop spinning. someone please tell what to do before I go crazy

[stillafool]

I met him when I was a 22 yr.old secretary and he was a 26 yr.old Harvard attorney. He swept me off my feet. I had never felt passion and love like that since my first love in high school. He wined,dined and took me everywhere and showed me everything. I didn't have a college degree and I knew that bothered him but I liked what I did for a living and loved my job. All his friends were Ivy leaguers and it did cause me a lot of insecurity to be around them. But when I was with him I was happier than I'd ever been in my life. We never spoke about love although I was deeply in love with him. I found him to be emotionally unavailable to me. He asked me once when we made love to tell him I loved him and I told him flatly "NO"! Afterall, if you want to hear that from a person shouldn't you be the one to say it to them first? No, I don't think, no I'm sure he didn't love me. We would see each other about 2 to 3 times a week. This went on for 2 years. At the beginning of the 3rd year he told me his ex girlfriend's best friend (a law student) from back east was moving into his house because she was going to work at his law firm for the summer. I knew our relationship couldn't survive that; although he made it seem purely platonic. (Later I found out they did sleep together). I also found out that he had starting dating another girl from a well to do family. He told me he was having a party but never invited me to it. I was so hurt. I met another guy that summer who I was quite passionate about. He loved me and wasn't afraid to say it or show it. I thought thank you God for sending me someone who can help me get over this Jerk! He found out I was seeing this new guy and went into a jealous rage after treating me like crap all this time. He demanded I stop seeing my new guy right away and I said stop seeing that girl. He said no way and I said no way on my end. Well we kept sleeping together and dating behind my new boyfriend's back. His new girlfriend on the other hand knew he was still seeing me and told him she didn't care she wasn't going to give him up even if he did still want to date a girl like me. (I guess she meant someone who isn't good enough for him). Well, soon my new boyfriend found out I was still sleeping with "HIM" and broke up with me. Of course he was so happy about that and he was dating me and his other girl for almost a year when he called me at work one day and said he was going to Europe. I said with who the new girl? He said yes and she was paying for the 2 week trip. When he came back he called me and told me he got engaged while in Europe. I wasn't devasted as I figure I got what I deserved by not leaving him alone and staying with the other guy who had really loved me. I told him congrats and I wished them well. He tried to see me constantly but I made it up in my mind that I wasn't going to be yet still a fool and continue sleeping with him when it was clear he didn't want me. He tried everything and every way possible to get me in to bed but I stuck by my guns. He became angry and almost obsessed with trying to hurt me after that. Including inviting me to his wedding and getting upset because I didn't want to come. I changed my address and phone number and wiped him from my mind. He has asked person after person about me and asked them to tell me to please contact him. I never did and finally someone told him I am now married. It has been 20 years since I talked to him but he has never really left my mind. This January I woke up thinking about him/us and it has been 4 months and I still can't get him off my mind so I contacted him 2 weeks ago and he is now a big whig. We had a long conversation and he told me he has been married with kids for 23 years but has struggled with fidelity. He even told me he took his ex girlfriend to dinner two weeks ago. I have to be honest with you butterflies returned to my stomach the moment I heard his voice. He wants us to get together for dinner to talk over old times. I finally told him that I had been in love with him back then. He told me he had never felt passion with anyone the way he did with me and he has tried to recreate it but hasn't been able to. He never said I loved you too. What am I doing still thinking about this man after all these years???? My God, am I crazy because I've been fantasizing about having an affair with him now. What the heck??? If nothing else it feels good to tell all of this nonsense to someone. Please tell me what you think and don't try to spare my feelings.

[Sami_D]

Originally Posted by stillafool

Please tell me what you think and don't try to spare my feelings.

Hello there, welcome... not being funny but... I couldn't read to the end of your post because it needs paragraphs. So I don't know what your problem is

You might want to put it in a new thread, too, because it's easier for people to see and respond that way.

[stillafool]

Sorry about that Sami D. I thought I was going to run out of space that's why I didn't leave paragraphs. I tried to correct it but time ran out.

[Sami_D]

Could you copy and paste it into a new post, new thread?

Only if you want help, then people will find it easier to read

i'm sufferring. Big time. I resigned from work, i don't talk to my friends anymore and i'm just so depressed right now. I suffer all these because Im in love with a married man. I am guilty coz I know it's wrong. I feel I deserve to suffer and that's why I don't demand anything from him and i kept every heartache to myself. I just wait for him patiently.

I did try to leave him. I did say goodbye. He stopped me, he said he loves me so much, he doesnt want me to leave. I know I shouldn't believe him but I can't ignore him. Some may not understand but if in your heart you feel you love a person, it's so damn hard to leave. Even if it cause you your identity, your happiness, still you feel it's gonna be worth it because you believe you love him.

I don't know what I'm thinking. I'm not even sure if I have a future with him. I know he won't leave his wife and kids. I know I'll be like this forever in his life. But still instead of thinking about myself, it is him that i think of. How hard it's going to be for him if I leave him. He always said, if it's not me, for sure he'll have somebody else so I should stop blaming myself and feeling guilty.

Someday i wish that i'll find the courage to say goodbye and never look back. I just don't have the courage right now. I'm just so stupid.

Originally Posted by laurabella

Im in the same shoes you are!! I say you should stick it out with him if your really in love!! I know that I myself could never end the relationship with him,i get little butterflies in my stomach when he is around..

i am also in love with a married married man and he loves me also but he has always told me he will never leave his wife and i accept that but he also told me that he has gotten to close to me and he can not help it he hardly ever goes home and i know he still love his wife but every time i try to get out of the situation something pulls me back and that is called love

[YoMomma]

I became attracted to a married man I met at work about a year ago. We started talking, then writing to each other, after a few months it became physical. We see each other a few times a week, talk to each other ever day. He was upfront from the start, he loves his wife and kids would never leave them. Yes, I know he cares very much for me, and no I don't believe that he is in love with me. I know it's wrong, but I love being with him. We both know we are wrong for what we are doing, we talk about it very often. But once we are together, face to face its as though we were meant to meet each other. I know it's crazy! I do believe its just lust, although I do care very much for him, I don't believe either one of us are in love with the other. Still, I don't know how to stop seeing him. Its not easy, I wrestle with it every day. I have asked him what is missing in his marriage, he says nothing. I know there has to be something, I have even suggested he talk to someone about it. When I think about why I don't break it off, I believe it is because I don't want to loose him as a friend.

[kiababy]

I haven't posted in about a year. I originally came to this website in the first 6 months or so of my relationship with my MM. I was touched by how many women are in the same boat. I've been with him going on 3 years and although we still meet about once a month for sex, it's mainly a close friendship. We talk and text message almost every day and have this bond that only other people in our situation would understand. I stopped worrying about 'breaking it off', 'moving on' and all the other stuff. I've gone through relationships of my own in the last few years and through it all he's been my shoulder to cry on, my advisor and my best friend. Sometimes a whole week will go by and we haven't spoken but I never worry because he's always there. He loves his wife - I've known that from day one; I don't want him to leave her for me. I'm still very protective of him, I still pick him up from downtown after a night out drinking with his buddies and drive him back to his house when he's drunk....

I guess I want to say to the women who are new to the 'other woman' life, this could be your future - he won't leave her (if he did and you were living happily ever after you wouldn't be on this site), you won't get to 'date' him - HE IS NOT YOUR FUTURE. I'm a 44 year-old grandmother, my MM is a hot 27 year-old beautiful, tanned blond surfer-type who makes me feel like the sexiest, most beautiful woman in the world. Being with him has prevented me from building something meaningful with someone else because I compare every man to him and put no effort into making other relationships work because....I know he's always there. I'm doing very well for myself - great career, my own house, 3 great kids - so my situation isn't that bad, but ladies.....if you want something more out of life, like a home, children etc. don't waste any more of your life on a married man; all you've got to look forward to is years of nights sleeping alone while he's curled up comfortably with his wife. Please think about. Peace

[Noos]

Why is this so difficult for you? First off, he was out of bounds in the first place. Just because you don't know his spouse prsonaly doesn't mean that you shouldn't respect her marriage. Second, any man who would cheat on his spouse is not the kind of person you should want to be with. It is selfish, hurtful and gutless. If things are going right with his wife, he should talk to her or get counseling, not go shopping for another chick.

If he were honourable, he wouldn't be involved with you.

I do agree with you completely. But although everthing you said is true. It is very difficult to say who you fall in love with and who you don't. Some people follow their heart and go with it, which is often a foolish mistake I know and some people have the control of following their head and making the right decision. I hold my hands up!! You may disagree as I did, I had exactly the same conclusion as you until it happened. But hey!! I know if it happened to me I would die!! Unfortunatley I follow my heart....stupid girl!!

Phew...just when I thought there was nobody out there who might know what I am going through. Im in love with a MM. He loves me but also loves his wife. I cant see how he is in love with his wife if he has done this to her? I know that I would never cheat on a partner and actually I would never get involved with a mm but look at me now! We have so much in common both at work (he is my boss) and outside interests and were close best friends for over a year before we got closer. He will always love his wife because of the children and thats understandable. My mm is in denial. We dont make love we have slip ups. We are not having an affair we are very very special friends and soulmates. If I am not the mistress I am a fool (in my opinion). I am struggling so much with this relationship. In january I found out I was pregnant (took precautions). My mm made me have an abortion. Telling me he would lose his job, family, and house plus he had contemplated suicide. I was very vulnerable and mentally not myself. I went through with it with complications and much regret and I cried and still cry oceans about it. I have been sworn to secrecy and havent been able to tell anyone. I was brought up catholic and with hindsight I wish I had been stronger and said no. He is still around and still feeling the same about me apparently. I wish I hadnt got involved, but I also cant seem to break free from him. The thought of meeting another man fills me with dread. I love my mm so much it hurts. The rejection you feel in this situation is unbearable and my self esteem and confidence is now non existent. I am not strong enough to end it. Although I know I should.

[yesmaybe]

Blue Daisy - from what you're describing, your MM is a total *******.

I think you should start a new thread about your story.