I'm too am fighting my feelings for this guy who is alas married.
I so don't want to be the OW, but do get these intense feelings that something could possibly happen between us.
He has become an acquanintance/casual friend of mine, though we've never purposedly met up we have talked on occassions when we have accidently bumped into each other
I never noticed him at first he came to me told me he had noticed me about. Since then he would tease me, flirt with me, started touching me (on the arm initially). At times there was intense eye contact and tes i feel for him hook line and sinker.
But then i found out (realised) he was married. too late my feelings for him were too strong.
But he continued flirting with me and the teasing continued.
He still touch me occassionally and his hands now have moved to my back stroking too.
I have tried to distance myself from him as i am frightened what could happen, on a chance encounter (well 2) on the train home from work (we live near each other) he asked if i was avoiding him.
On the other encounter he asked if i lived alone? Bearing in mind we don't really know each other though we have asked each other personal questions.
I am still trying to limit contact with him but it hurts so much not being with him as i know he can never be mine, its like i'm been torn both ways
Any ladies out there facing this situation? Falling in love with a married man? I don't know what should I do now.. leave him or carry on the relationship with him.. I am so confused...
Im in the same shoes you are!! I say you should stick it out with him if your really in love!! I know that I myself could never end the relationship with him,i get little butterflies in my stomach when he is around..
I did see him again the other day, but as much as i fight my feelings for him, it just won't go way cos he makes me feel so alive.
I know its wrong but he seems to have such a hold over me that i can't control. Nothing has happened between us and as childish as it might sound, when i left he gave me a wink (1st time) places hand on my shoulder and wished me a merry christmas.
I do look around to see if someone else can captivate me, but no joy on that score
i've yet to meet this single man. But at the moment there are no where to be seen.
Any ladies out there facing this situation? Falling in love with a married man? I don't know what should I do now.. leave him or carry on the relationship with him.. I am so confused...
I was reading the posts from _THE OTHER WOMAN- I was in a similiar situation and it sucks..I fell hard for a man I worked with...he pursuded me relentlessly for months and i finally agreed to go out with him .. we dated for six months when I found out he was engaged the whole time and get this....He was getting Married the Week I found out!! Its hard to just erase the feeling you build for this person but I did not continue to see him....All you girls have to stop ...if you think it hurts NOW just imagine if you invested more time with him and fell deeper for the guy ...He will never be yours...gave her his last name...he goes home to her everyday.....climbs on top of her every nite, not you....STAY WAY! If he wants you that badly he will divorce his wife and be with you....It sucks, believe me I know..I still work with my guy and when i see him I always look at his wedding finger hoping against all odds the ring is not there and but it always is...diamonds binging in my face, symbolizing his eternal love for HER...I you and I dont wanna wait for an eterentiy for an unavilable man.
I'm sorry to say this, but you can't be selfish. I was foolish and fell in love with a woman outside my marriage, and she too was in love with me. I finally got a divorce and just as we have the opportunity to now be together we are both realizing that we're not nearly as compatible as we hoped. Sure, we made each other feel better than anything else every has up until this point, but now that we have the chance to see each other in "real life" its not nearly as great as we'd hoped.
Please don't be selfish. Unless his marriage is already in shambles, the odds of you two working out are near nothing. The stress that will follow in his breakup with his wife will devestate him and leave him as a different person. He married his wife because they had the chance to meet as a normal couple and grow together. You don't have that opportunity and although you are compatible now, the chance you take is that it won't work out as you hope with him.
Do you really want to feel responsible for breaking up a marriage and then your relatonship not working out? Obviously neither of you are clearly thinking - he is cheating and you're still chasing him. Although you are compatible in many ways, this isn't how the foundation of a relationship should grow.
I will tell you this - being the man in your exact situation, I regret every decision I made and I resent ever meeting the OW. Its the price I pay for being stupid and I have learned a very valuable lesson. It was terrific for us both for several months and the best fun and best love I have ever seen, but I hate it all now. Don't let that be you - please.
When you got divorced from your wife, was it a result of the OW or your marriage already on the shacky? My other man was in your situation and married his OW. He now claims that marrying her was a mistake(i know thats bull or he wouldnt have married her).
As much as I know everything you are saying is right...and I totally understand...and my mind totally knows its wrong and i have to change..and i've tried too..but my heart is just so weak...and he doesn't seem to give up on me..for an year..no sex..but we know we have feelings for each other..he's married..and he isn't willign to leave his wife..but wants me too..WAT DO I Do?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Just A Girl2
Obviously if you're here asking whether you should move on, or end things with this married man, in your heart you know carrying on with him is W R O N G.
I don't mean to be offensive, but wouldn't it be common sense that a married man is simply not available for the taking? That he's got a W I F E at home who he stood before friends, family and God and vowed to love/honor/cherish til death do them part? Forsaking all others?
How could you respect a man who's married but wanting to have someone else (you) on the side?
Don't you think you deserve more than to be someone's occasional side-dish?
It doesn't bother you to know that when he's home at night with his wife, it's not you he's having sex with and sharing most of his life with?
Why would you settle for being someone's mistress?
What about the issue of respect for your fellow woman: his wife. Don't you think we as women should stick together and respect each other, which would include respecting each others marriages and commitments? She has done nothing to you.
And if you think that he'll one day leave her for you, think again. I can't quote the statistics but percentage of cheating husbands who leave their wives for their mistresses is very very low...and those who do, the chance of divorce is astronomically high....because if they cheated on their ex with you, they'll cheat on YOU with someone else. Afterall, we're not exactly talking about a pillar of the community who values things like honesty, commitment, fidelity, marriage, faithfulness.
While this married man may seem all joy and roses, you only get to see the good/fun side of him. You don't have to live with him. He very well portrays himself as this great catch....no doubt filling you full of BS about how his wife is terrible/crazy/unstable/will take all his money if he leaves her/can't break up his family/must stay for the kids/ bla bla bla bla.......but this is only HIS side of the story. Of course married men will paint this dismal picture of how horrible their marriage is and how hard done by they are........to make the mistress feel sorry for him and to help justify their cheating.
How would YOU feel if you were married to someone and they were cheating on YOU?
Enough with all the lecturing! Having an affair is wrong, but it happens. People do get hurt, no doubt. We are ALL HUMAN - WE MAKE MISTAKES AND POOR JUDGEMENTS. I am sure that there are people who intentionally want to harm others by sleeping with married individuals. I am not one of them. We cannot assume that she wants to intentionally harm anyone. I am sure that she does feel guilt and remorse for the other woman and for the children involved if there is any. You cannot control who you fall in love with. I am sure that she would rather be in love with someone who is not married-come on! I know the other woman would be devastated, but if her husband is cheating then she should be glad if he leaves her. I do not want to be with a man who has to find something elsewhere.
I had an affair and we were both married. I was unhappy in my relationship, and obviously he was too. We are both divorced and have been together for about three years. I have two children and he has one. I did not want to hurt the children by divorce because my parents were divorced. I had to put my happiness ahead of the children's. The children are fine and happy. Divorce is not uncommon and neither is cheating or affairs. She needs advice, not lecturing. If you are not going to offer advice, then do not respond. I am sure you people have better things to do with your time.
Our affair only lasted seven months before I left my husband and he left his wife after eight months. My advice is to not wait around too long for him to leave his wife. You will just be hurting yourself when there is someone else out there for you who will love you unconditionally and without diversion. Give him a time limit to tell his wife. Make sure that the time limit adequate enough for him and be considerate. If he does not tell her in that amount of time, get out! I did not do this, but I did tell him that I was going to find someone else and that I was not going to wait around. He apparently was in love with me enough to leave.
Any ladies out there facing this situation? Falling in love with a married man? I don't know what should I do now.. leave him or carry on the relationship with him.. I am so confused...
hello......yes i am in the same boat as you......im falling or maybe already fallen!!
get out of it now is the best thing to do,but the hardest..i cant!!!
i was in the same boat & i went for it.
I also worked with him. Welll 3 years later & he is still married & still telling me that he'll leave after all this time. He hasn't left so i had to wake up & leave him. If they loved us, they would be with us no matter what the consequences are.
Don't do it, it won't get u anywhere, but hurt!! Take it from me.
Please see my post.
I am in the same boat as u except i went for it, 3 years ago. & here i am 3 years later & still waiting for him to leave his wife for me. Since June 2004 he was supposed to leave , each deadline came & gone & nothing was done. We even had a furnished apartment waiting for us to move into & he just never left.
I gave him one last deadline which was my 33rd birthday, this whole thing started when i was 29. I gave him 1 last chance & he said he will leave this time. But the deadline came & gone, just like the rest of them & he didn't leave, so i had to leave him. It has been 2 weeks & the pain is unbearable, but it had to be done.
Please see my post - Ended 3 year affair
Don't do it, all u will end up with is a lot of pain. Don't think that "my situation" is different, "my married man" is different, he will leave, but like me, it wasn't different at all.
Well.. I have fallen for a married man.. & who is my MANAGER, mind you!!!! This is the second "manager" I fell for... but this one, unfortunately is married. I answered some of those questions below me. I feel like I like the "secrets." I know, thats crazy.. but for me, it makes it more interesting, i guess?? I really dont know what it is. Im still tring to figure it out, finding who I really am & why I like this life. I dated another manager, & the whole "sneaking" around was fun for me, yet in the end, i wanted more. But now, Im seeing someone who is Married.. & yes Im in the same boat w/ you. Iam 23, hes 31. What happens in that situation?
0K I HAVE TO SAY that all of you woman on here trying to make it ok that you are commiting adultry and trying to seem like angels at the same time MAKE ME SICK... do you not have any morals, values, emotions?? Is there a sick thrill to know that at the very time you and this married man are having sex, his wife is at home probably waiting for him and doing his laundry or cooking him dinner. I dont even want you to say that i wouldnt know unless i have been there because u are just making excuses. Woman that pull this s*** are nothing but self consiouse, inconsiderate, GIRLS that do not have enough confidence to look for a man that isnt married.. it is just to easy for you to go for the guy that will never commit to you...ALL OF THIS IS SICKENING
Some of us are actually in love. You can't take a true look at these situations unless you've found yourself there. The MM I am see was my first everything. I am 33 years old and I've been in love with him since I was 13. That is 20 years of feelings that I have held in. We broke up because I was stupid and it was totally my fault. By the time I was mature enough to admit that to him he was married, I left it alone through his first marriage. By the time I found out he was divorced, he was remarried. We started talking to each other again just as friends and one thing led to another. No one planned it, but here we are. The old feelings just never went away. So be judgemental all you want, but I'm sure your not perfect and you can't understand unless you've truely been there.
I know your agony. I have been dating a MM for 2 1/2 yrs. I couldn't love someone more. I also know I have to get out of this situation, I am still young and want to get married too and have children. He is 9 yrs. older then me and we work so close to one another. I know it has to end only because I know I have to move on, and he loves me and because of that he knows he has to let go.....it's so hard. Don't get caught up in falling for someone that can't give themselves to you entirely. It's wonderful while it's going on, but figuring out how to let go is the worst pain ever!
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
falling inl love with a married man
....help!
Linear Mode
